Coming Out

I looked at my son and tried to read his face. Something was bothering him very much, and I felt I should ask what it was. He looked like he wanted to tell me something important, yet he looked worried at how I'd react. It was eating away at his insides and I think it had been for some time now, yet I didn't really know what it could be. It reminded me of the time he had told me he had broken my favourite Persian vase and he had burst into tears. I was angry with him but I couldn't yell at him because he was so upset, however I was grateful he had owned up to it at the same time, because no one likes a liar.

"What's the matter, love?" I asked him. He caught my gaze for a minute and looked back at the
floor, as though it were the most interesting feature of the room.

"I've something important to tell you," he announced, and I looked at him expectantly, although he wouldn't know this since he was still staring at the floor so intensely. I was almost sure he could see right through it to the cellar beneath us.

"What is it Sammy? You know you can tell me anything. Did you break my other vase?" The tiniest smile adorned his lips, the same smile that reminded me so much of his Dad's. Perhaps he too remembered the same memory of the broken vase, but I had a feeling that this was slightly more of a serious subject.

"It- It's difficult. I haven't been honest with you, Mum, and it's starting to hurt me, but I'm scared that this will hurt you more if I tell you than if I don't. You know how I've been friends with Rory for a fair few months now?"

Yes. I'd always liked Rory, he was very well mannered and respectful, and I'd always thought if Rory wasn't a homosexual he would have been the perfect match for my daughter Frances, but I'd liked him nonetheless. He wasn't a bad looking boy, with his dark tousled hair and the loveliest pair of cucumber green eyes I'd ever seen. Sammy seemed to get along with him really well, and I liked that. He needed a good friend in his life, as did everyone, and I was glad Rory could provide that for him.

I nodded at my son, and waited for him to continue.

"Well - Rory and I are kind of more than friends," he confessed.

I'd had the vaguest idea of what he meant by that, but I needed him to say it, to tell me properly, because I might have gotten the wrong end of the stick.

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly.

"P-please don't make me say it!" he begged. The terror was evident in his eyes, and they were moist around the edges, and please don't think of me as cruel, but I had to to hear him say it, so that I could know, and that he could get used to saying it.

The tears spilled over, and he was shaking, but I couldn't comfort him until he'd told me what the problem was.

"B-because we're d-dating," he said shakily. "R-Rory and I are d-dating, because we l-like each other. V-very much. I-I'm gay, Mum, a-and I'll u-unders-stand if you d-don't w-want a-any, any-" I couldn't really understand what he was saying after that due to his heart wrenching sobs, but it was enough for me. I wrapped my arms around my son and kissed his forehead, because I'll always love him no matter who he chooses to love, because he's still my son and I raised him and he's still that same boy I've always loved. I'd only wished for him not to be so scared. He knew I approved of Rory, and now I had learnt he was dating my son, I knew they were a good match. Rory was right for my son, and I know he'll take good care of him.

"Hey, Sammy, I love you, and nothing is going to change that," I told him. "I just can't believe you didn't know that," I rubbed my hand up and down his back, it always used to calm him down when he was a child. He did something between a sob and a laugh, and I knew he was relieved. I could never kick my son out, I love him too much, and I can't believe for one second that he'd think that. It's my job, as a parent, to love him unconditionally.

"Th-thank you, Mum. I love you too," he held onto me like he'd never let go, and I could tell that he had been so scared.

"Hey. I'm gonna leave you in peace yeah? Phone Rory, maybe you need to talk things out with him. Just tell me one thing. Have you two done it yet? Because whether you're gay or not, I need to know you're doing it safely," I joked.

Sammy blushed furiously. "Mu-um!" he whined, his face a brilliant shade of red.

I laughed and ruffled his hair. "I'm kidding, love, but take that as a precaution!"

I left him alone, he probably needed to be, as did I, and I went through to the living room.

I was happy that he'd told me, and I really think he and Rory will be a sweet couple. I know Rory will look after him, and Sammy will look after him in return, because that's just the type of people they are, and I hope from today onwards, Sammy will have learnt that I will always love him.