If You Can't Hang

“JOHN FELIX ANTHONY CENA JR!!!!!!!!” I screamed, running through catering trying to find my cousin. On my way I, literally, ran into my best friend.

“Bitch, calm your tiny tits. The fuck are you yelling for? And why aren’t you wearing shoes?” She asked, pushing me off of her.

“Because, Kori. I can’t find them.” I said, pushing her back.

“Please tell me how you managed to lose your new pumps.” She said, smirking.

“Bitch, I didn’t lose them. I don’t have them because John stole them.”

“Why the fuck did he steal your shoes? That sounds like something Punk would do to you, not John.”

“I know. He’s a jackass.” I said, narrowing my eyes. “He hid my dress too, but obviously, I found it.”

She shrugged. “Really? Never would’ve guessed.”

“Oh, ha ha. I mean, if he wants to steal my clothes, maybe I’ll just remind everyone of how much he likes not wearing clothes.”

“Banana hammock?”

“Banana Hammock. I mean, it could be worse; I could be running around in a fake afro and gold shoes, too. Actually… I just might do that.” I said, smirking.

“You’re never gonna let me live that down, are you?” John asked, walking up and placing a hand on my shoulder. I could’ve answered him, but I opted to tackle his ass and demand my shoes instead. “Give me my fucking pumps!” I screamed, punching him in the stomach. He barely even flinched.

I glanced up for a second and noticed Kori smiling and videotaping the whole thing. “Bitch.” I said, glaring at her. “Me?” she asked innocenty, putting a hand over her heart dramatically. I was about to make a smart ass comment but John started blabbering, which diverted my attention.

“Was that supposed to hurt? And no. My little cousin is not about to be walking around in those hooker heels and that skank-skin dress.” He said. I rolled my eyes. “Big ass gorilla.” I growled, getting off of him and pulling him off of the ground.

“John, what the fuck is a “skank-skin” dress?” Kori asked, pointing her Flip at him. She always has that fucking flip out. I started walking over to the table with all the shitty food on it while Kori continued harassing John. He totally ignored her. “You’re not getting your shoes back. And you need to get out of that dress.” He yelled after me.

“I’ll get her out of the dress.” I heard Heath Slater mumble to one of the caterers. I walked up to him and smiled sweetly. “What was that about my dress? Do you like it?” I asked, doing a little twirl. He stared at me and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything I punched him in the face. “Too bad I don’t like you. Jagoff.” I said before skipping back to Kori.

“I was about to say “Boner alert!” but you broke his face before I got a chance. Bitch.” She said, pointing the flip at me. I shrugged and laughed. “I’m pretty sure you have to have a dick to have a boner. Speaking of dicks, where’s John?” I asked, looking around. “He went to go get ready for his match. And we should be doing the same. Lets go.” She said, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the locker room.

“I can’t fucking believe we’re making our RAW debut with fucking Lita. Like holy shit; it’s Lita. This is crazy. I’m fucking pumped.” Kori said while we were putting on our ring gear. “It’s fucking sic- SHIT!” I screamed, and face-planted while trying to fix my sock. And of course, before I could even start trying to stand, Kori was in front of me with her damn flip.

“Get the fuck out of my face with that damn thing.” I said, getting off of the floor and fixing my top.

“I don’t know why you even bother. There’s nothing to cover. Face it, bitch; You’re flat as FUCK.” She said, laughing. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my gloves out of my bag. “We’re gonna miss our cue, come on.” I said, walking out of the locker room and toward the curtain.

“You girls ready?” A stagehand asked.

“Yeah, I think we’re good.” Kori said.

“I brought some security.” Lita said into her mic.

“That’s our cue.” Kori said looking at me. “LETS GOOOO!” I replied. We bumped fists and made our way down a WWE ramp for the first time ever.

We did our little entrance routine to Haven’t Had Enough and slid into the ring, greeting Lita and shooting glares at Slater, who tried to make a break for it. We had to hold in our fangirling while a shit ton of legends rolled up to the ring and basically threw him at us. We stood back as he got his ass handed to him by Lita, and joined in when he got man-handled by legends.

“Would you look at that!” Lawler exclaimed. “That’s Dani Cena and Kori Brooks from the independent circuit! What are they doing here?”

“No! NO NO NO! NOOOOOO! NO! NOT THESE TWO. WHY THESE TWO? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!” Cole started to totally flip his shit about Kori and I being there.

“Kori, where’s Betsy?” I asked, looking around the ring for my kendo stick. “Right here!” She said, throwing me my stick. “I got Matilda. Shall we?” She asked, looking at Heath. “We shall.” I said, nodding and whacking him in the neck with Betsy. We abused him well into the commercial break, nodded at the cameras, and smirked at the crowd before walking back up the ramp.

“Holy. Shit. We basically just tagged… With Lita.” I said, staring off into space, hugging Betsy.

“I know, right? That was like the best possible debut EVER.” She agreed, taking off her gloves.

“Hey girls. That was a pretty nice entrance. I don’t really understand the song choice, but it was a nice entrance.” Lita said, walking over to us and resting her elbows on our shoulders. “Thanks!” I said, probably a little to excitedly. “The song was the first song that played when I put my iPod on shuffle. So it’s what we decided to use.” Kori said, laughing. Probably at the memory of us flailing around our apartment trying to decide what the hell to wear, and what song to walk down the ramp to.

“Well, it was nice meeting you two, but I’ve got a few people to go see. Good luck here, girls. And don’t let these assholes push you around.” Lita said, as she started to walk away from us. I couldn’t hold it in any longer; I had to fangirl.

“Lita!” I called after her. She stopped and tilted her head a bit. “What’s up?” She asked. I got a little over excited and blurted out “I know you’re trying to leave and all but I’m a really big and I’ve loved you like forever and I would really really really appreciate it if you would sign my ankle. As weird as that sounds.” Then I lifted my ankle up to my face and held out a sharpie, smiling.

“Uh, okay…” She said. She signed my ankle, handed me my sharpie, and walked away.

“Holy. Fucking. Shit.” I said, staring at the sharpie. I didn’t even hear Kori walk up to me. And I almost pissed myself when she started talking.

“You getting that tattooed?” She asked.

“Fuck yeah. In red.”

“Sick.”

“Yeah- Wait. Holy shit.”

“What?”

“Is that… The Undertaker?” I asked, pointing to the curtain.

“Holy fucking shit. It is.”

“Kori…”

“You’re gonna be getting more than one tattoo, aren’t you?”

“Uh huh.”