Please Tell Me What We Have Is Real

Ever since my mom died, my dad has changed. He's become very abusive, to the point where I'm in the hospital twice a week. He loved my mom and i know it hurt him when she passed, but it hurt me too. My mom was like my best friend, I told her everything. Every secret, somethings I couldn't even tell my best friend Johnny. I felt like I was ripped in two when she died, she was the only one who pushed me towards my dreams, not away from them.

Now I am trapped. My dad's been drinking, hooking up with random sluts, and most of all abusing me. No one knew about this. I was afraid to even tell anyone. I was afraid that if I did, the abuse would get worse. This wasn't just verbal either. Physical, verbal, and sexual. That's right...my dad rapes me. I wish my life was back to the way it was,when he used to be happy, when we were just one big happy family. The only things that really comforted me were art and music. I don't know what I would do without them. I can express myself with those two things, without being judged. And to put the icing on the fucking cake I am gay and because of this I was picked on by everyone at school. Even the boy I am head over heels in love with. His name is Brian. He has chocolate brown eyes, feathery hair that I just want to lace my fingers through, beautifully bronzed skin, and rippling muscles. It seems inhuman to be as perfect as him, but he is. And the sad part is, I can't even tell him. I'm afraid. Afraid that he'll hate me and beat me up even more.I've just become so paranoid that I get scared even when I see my own shadow. I just want this all to go away. Maybe I'll just end this life of pain and sorrow....

When I woke up this morning my whole body was in pain. Especially my back. I managed to crawl out of bed and get ready for school. When I saw my reflection I almost had a heartattack. My face was pasty and green, my eyes were blood shot and one was bruised, dried blood was cacked in my hair and on my forehead, and my normal sparkly green eyes were dulled. I sighed and stripped out of my clothes. I was bruised and cut everywhere. My arms, stomach, back, and legs. I had three long gashes in my back where my dad had smashed a bottle yesterday. I stepped into the shower and washed all the blood off me. Once I was done, I grabbed a fluffy white towel and wrapped it around my waist. Quickly, I dried my purple and black hair and pulled on black skinny jeans, converse, and a misfits shirt. As for my wounds, I tried to cover them the best I could. Pinkish red eye shadow covered around my whole eye. Walking downstairs was the hardest part of today. Every step I took an excruciating pain shot through my body. My body shook as I walked, scared if my dad was up. I was relieved to see that he was passed out on the couch. I walked as fast as I could out of my house and to school.

My best friend Johnny was waiting for me by my locker when I arrived. Johnny's a short guy with brown spikey hair and hazel eyes. He's probably one of the sweetest people I know; he can't hurt a fly.

"Hey Zack," He said, smiling happily; I gave weak smile back.
"Hi." I opened my locker and grabbed all the stuff I needed.
"Not to be mean, but you look like shit man," There was concern in his tone and I feel so bad for lying to him all the time.
"I'm fine, just didn't get any sleep last night."

I shut my locker and Johnny and I headed to class. Having the habit of looking down when you walk is never good. That's when I bashed right into someone and I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from screaming when my back collided with the tile floor. When I looked up, I regreted it. I came face to face with Brian Haner, the boy I'm madly in love with.

"Watch where the fuck you're going," He sneered.
"I-I-I'm so-sorry," I stuttered, body trembling.He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and slammed me into a locker.I whimpered.
"Sorry doesn't cut it, asshole."
"Pl-please Bri-Brian not to-today," Tears fell out of my eyes.
"Pussy," He spat.
"Let him go you fucking dick!!" Johnny yelled, fist raised as he started running towards Brian. But one of his friends, Jimmy I think, grabbed Johnny by his shirt and pulled him back.
"Fine," Brian said as he released his grip on my shirt and I crippled to the ground. Then him and his other friend, Matt, walked away.

Jimmy relased Johnny and watched as Johnny ran up to me and helped me up. My vision was blurring from all the tears and I felt something drip down my back. Great. Jimmy walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder. His crystal blue eyes clouded in worry.

"I'm sorry," He whispered in my ear and then he walked away.
"You alright?" Johnny asked,I nodded.

We walked to class after that, five minutes late. I was distracted the whole time thinking about Jimmy.Why doesn't he ever tell Brian to stop? Why does he feel bad for me? I ended up getting a migrane from all the questions. I wish I had answers.