Wanted You More

Nicole:

In the middle of the night I felt weird and woke up to realize my water had broken. I quickly called for my mom and we gathered up my things and headed to the hospital. I tried calling Beau but he wasn't answering. I sent him a text telling him to come to the hospital as soon as he got the text. I was put into a room and doctors began checking on me. They figured it would be an hour or two until I went into labor. I grabbed my phone and tried calling Beau again. "No answer?" I looked over at my mom. "Nope." "I thought he said he was going to change Nicole." My mom flipped through a magazine and shook her head. I twirled my phone in my hand. "Mom, he is probably asleep or something. It is four in the morning." "But he knew that you were expecting the baby to come any day now. He should have his phone right next to his ear." I sighed as I looked down at my phone. "I know." As the minutes went by doctors kept checking in on me every now and then. I kept hoping one of the people coming in my room would be Beau, but none of them were him.

After about an hour the doctors said I would be going into labor soon. I got worried. Beau wasn't answering my calls, and I know he wanted to be here. Just as the last doctor entered the room Beau came running in. "Beau!" "Hey, Nicole I'm so sorry I didn't answer your calls or text messages." "It's okay, you're here." I held his hand. "And I'm not going anywhere." He gave me a smile and then kissed my forehead. A little while later Beau and I were so happy to welcome our baby boy into the world. I couldn't help but cry when the doctor handed him to me. I looked up at Beau and he was crying too. "He's everything I hoped for." He looked at me smiling. "He's perfect." I looked down at our baby boy and couldn't stop smiling. I kissed his forehead and then gave Beau a kiss. My mom was crying and taking so many pictures. Whatever type of anger she might have been feeling before thinking Beau wasn't coming was gone and replaced with joy.

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A few days later we brought Mason home from the hospital. My parents invited a bunch of our friends and family over so they could see the baby. Everyone loved Mason, and I knew they would, but it was cool seeing everyone react to the baby. all the drama between my family, friends, and Beau was put aside at the moment and they were getting along great. I could tell Beau was a bit uncomfortable around my friends and family, but we have a son now, he will have to get used to that. After a while people started leaving and eventually a few of my friends were left from the big crowd. We decided to head downstairs and hangout while I put Mason down for a nap. "So, has it sunk in yet?" "That I have a kid? Sort of, not really though." We all laughed. "How has you knwo who been?" "Beau? Well he almost missed the birth." "What!" My friends were shocked. "He came in right when the last doctor walked in the room." "Nicole, that's not okay." "Trust me, I know. I called him and texted him a bunch of times and then said if he really wanted to be here, he would have been here. So I stopped calling and texting."

"Well that's what you should have done. I wouldn't have even called more then 3 times." "Yeah, do you honestly think he will change?" "I don't know, but we will see in the next few days." I sighed and looked to the stairs as Beau came walking downstairs carrying Mason. "Speaking of the devil." "What?" He looked at my friends and they just looked away. "Whatever, I gave him a bottle and burped him. I thought you might want him for a bit since your friends are here." "Yeah, thank you." He kissed my cheek and went back upstairs. "Was that really necessary guys?" "What?" "The comment?" They all chuckled. "I don't find it funny, he is trying." "Well why doesn't he stay down here with us?" "He needs sleep. In the hospital he was doing a lot with Mason, he wanted me to rest. Which I really appreciated. Now I am letting him catch up on his rest." "I guess he is making an effort." "See, now can you guys just forget about all your problems with Beau and let's just hang out with Mason." I bounced him in my arms and kissed his forehead.

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(Later that night)

"Mason is finally asleep." Beau came down the stairs and sat next to me. My parents offered for Beau to stay here for awhile after we brought Mason home. While he stays here we are sleeping downstairs in the basement. "Good, now we can finally have a break." I rested my head on his chest. "Beau, are you okay?" "Yeah, why?" "Well, you just seem, upset." "Well, I wasn't too happy about your friends staying after for awhile earlier." "Why?" "Well, if I were them, I would have given you some space considering you just got home from the hospital." "Beau, they are my friends and they hadn't seen me in a few days. They were only here for like a half hour. Plus you were sleeping anyways." "I know, but, I don't know. I just, I wanted to have a break from everyone when we got back, that's all." I sat up and looked at him. "Well, you knew everyone was going to want to see the baby." "Yeah, but all those people at one was a bit much. I could have dealt with a few, but not that many." "Well, you are going to have to get used to it, we have a son now. My family is going to be apart of his life just as much as we are."

He looked at me and sighed. "I know, I'm trying, but it's going to take time." "I know, and little changes at a time are fine, but eventually you will have to start making bigger and faster changes." He buried his face in his hands. "Beau, you will be fine, don't worry about everyone else. You will be a great father, trust me." He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "How do you know?" "Because I love you and believe in you. And I see the way you act around Mason, I see the way you are with him. You love him so much, you wouldn't let anything happen to him." He looked up at me. "You're right." "I know." I smiled and gave him a kiss. We laid down and eventually fell asleep.

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It's been a month since we first brought Mason home and he is doing great, but Beau and I are not. Lately we have been fighting a lot and I can tell Beau is started to get sick of waking up in the middle of the night, and everything else that you have to do when you have a baby. Tonight Beau had a game, but because I had Mason, I couldn't go. My parents were out of town so neither of them could have watched him for me. I actually liked staying home rather then going out to the game. I watched tv while I rocked Mason. Eventually he fell asleep and I took him up to his room and put him in his crib. I went back down stairs and my friend Chelsea kept texting me updates about the game. Beau had scored two goals and the team was winning four to nothing in the third period. I wanted to be happy, but because of all the fighting lately, I didn't really care if Beau scored or his team won.

About an hour later, Beau walked through the front door. "Hey." "Hi, don't be too loud cause Mason is sleeping." "Okay." He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a water out of the fridge and walked back to the door. "Where are you going?" "Out, we are going to celebrate our win." I rolled my eyes and changed the channel on the tv. "Oh come on Nicole! What is the problem? I can't go out with my friends?" "No, it's fine go." He came over and sat next to me. "I'm coming back after. I just need to go out with the guys for awhile." "Ok, I get it. Go ahead and go out with your friends." He gave me a kiss on the cheek and left. I honestly didn't care if he did come back or not. He always goes out with his friends and I am here taking care of Mason, one night I would love to go out and he stay here, but I doubt that he will do that sometime soon.

(Two hours later)

It was two in the morning and Beau still wasn't back. I didn't want to wait up for him, but I had to know where he had been so late. I looked over to the door as he and a few of his teammates started to file inside. I could tell just by looking at Beau he was drunk. "No! You will not come in this house drunk while your son is sleeping upstairs." "Come on Nicole, chill out." "No, leave now. I'm not putting up with this tonight." "Babe, come on don't be like this." "Max, get him out of here please." I looked at one of Beau's sober teammates and pleaded that he get him out of the house. "Come on Beau, let's go." "No, dude get off. Nicole I want to see Mason, where is he?" Beau started to go up the stairs but I quickly jumped in front of him. "Beau." He was trying to figure out how to get past me and get upstairs. "Beau look at me!" I held his chin and made him look at me. "You are drunk. I am not letting you see your son like this. You can see him when you are sober, but right now you need to go!" Max grabbed him by the arm and Beau stared at me for a second and then left and his teammates followed. When they all left I sat on the stairs and cried. I never wanted anything like this to happen to me and Beau, but maybe he was right. We weren't ready to be parents.