Good for Nothing

“Well hello there, honey.” Ivan said with a grin on his face that would rival the Cheshire cat’s. There was no smile on my face as I stepped back in shock, hitting the wall behind me.

“What’s the matter, Leia?” Ivan asked, “Cat got your tongue?”

I really wished I could have thrown back a quick, witty retort but I was utterly dumbfounded. Ivan got up from the settee and made his way right towards me. I instinctively recoiled and felt that old, familiar feeling of fear. I felt incredibly small in his presence and in just a few minutes, Ivan had rendered me into that scared, pathetic mess that I’d worked so damn hard to shake off and leave way behind me.

Ivan was a hare’s breath away from my face now and as much as it repulsed me, I could not move. He bought his left arm up and over my head, slapping his palm flat against the wall. He was leaning right in to me. Our chests were pressed against each other’s and I felt like he could crush me in the time it would take to click his fingers. He bought his right hand up and stroked my cheek; it instantly sent a shiver through me.

“You don’t know how much I’ve missed you, honey,” Ivan whispered into my right ear, “probably too much. Have you missed me?”

I don’t know where the courage came from but it made me sharply shake my head.

“No?” Ivan asked, “Ooh, not the right answer, Leia; not right at all.”

Ivan grabbed my chin roughly and shook my head from side to side. He pushed my head to the right and my cheek squashed up against the cold wall. His lips crashed against my left ear.

“You’d better have missed me, you bitch!” Ivan spat as I bit my lip in order to try and stop myself from breaking down in front of him. He released me chin and slapped me hard across my face.

“Are you ready to tell the truth?” Ivan asked and again, he received no verbal response.

“You had better answer me, Leia!”

Again I uttered no response.

“Do you want to know why I’m here?” Ivan continued regardless. “I’ll tell you damn well why I’m here. I know you and Heath have been to the police; not good is it really?”

That riled me but I stayed quiet. I wanted him to get angry. I was frustrating him and he was rapidly losing his resolve. He gave me another, hard slap and I immediately tasted blood. That’s it, I thought to myself; keep going Ivan – let’s see you break!

“What’s with the silence, Leia? You know it’s doing you no good but then maybe you LIKE being the victim – maybe that’s what gets you off.”

Then I snapped and played straight into his hands.

“I’ll tell you what’s with the silence, shall I?” I replied, seething with anger, “I don’t want to waste my precious breath on you. You’re not worth any of it!”

Ivan laughed menacingly and grabbed my chin, this time squeezing my cheeks so hard that my mouth popped open.

“Hmm, I’ve missed that mouth; you wouldn’t believe how much I’ve missed it!” Ivan said before smothering my mouth with his.

******

The only feeling that rushed through my brain as Ivan slathered himself all over me was total disgust. I squirmed and wriggled until I could finally move my right arm and, against my better judgment, I slapped him around the face. Ivan recoiled and looked at me. In that moment I remembered why I used to be so terrified of him; the look in his eyes was just evil. Ivan put both his hands around my neck and began to squeeze.

“That was quite possibly the worst thing you could have done, Leia,” Ivan bellowed through gritted teeth; his spittle sprayed all over my face.

“You better apologise right now!”

If I could have moved my head, I would have shook it to signal that NO, I would not apologise. However, I was pinned to the wall and to be honest, it was probably for the best. I felt tears welling up in my eyes but I willed them not to fall.

“APOLOGISE, BITCH!” Ivan shouted again before back handing me.

I fell to the floor. Once again, I tasted blood; lots of it. I spat the iron tasting liquid from my mouth and got up unsteadily.

“If you’re going to finish me off, Ivan,” I said, summoning up every last ounce of courage left in me, “just do it! And by the way, don’t think I’ll be going out without a fight.”

Ivan looked at me in what I could only describe as pity. In a surprising, about turn, he walked over to me and dropped to his knees. He looked forlorn as he knelt there, rubbing his face and pulling at his hair.

“Oh, Leia,” Ivan said, his voice wobbling as he teetered on the verge of tears, “Do you really think I could do that to you?”

“You’ve done it before,” I spat back, laughing maniacally at his audacity, “or don’t you remember why I fled Poplar?”

“Of course I remember, Leia! I seem to recall you leaving me for dead but let’s not get too hung up on the particulars huh?”

“Particulars?” I growled, “Oh, so we’re on to the particulars are we? Okay then. You beat me for years Ivan and on that ‘particular’ day I could barely stand, if memory serves. That’s why I retaliated; I didn’t want to die. There was no way you were going to end my days.”

Ivan wiped tears from his cheeks and somewhere deep down inside, I felt pity. We had started off so well all those years ago; we had a fantastic relationship but something snapped in Ivan and that was the beginning of the long, drawn out, end of it.

“Leia, I really am so very sorry,” Ivan said, shaking his head, “but I’ve changed. I’m not the guy you used to know.”

“Excuse me?” I barked, again not believing his audacity, “Yes, you’ve really changed, haven’t you? You just beat up my best friend in the world to get to me. Please, enlighten me as to how you’ve changed; I’m dying to hear?”

Ivan had no response to that. For once in his pathetic life, he was lost for words. The silence was brief.

“I will change Leia,” Ivan pleaded, “I promise I will. If I have you back by my side, I know I can be a better man.”

“And I’ve heard that all before,” I replied. “The thing about promises if you have to keep them so don’t come to me spouting your bullshit; you can never change, Ivan; it’s too late.”

Ivan stood up quickly and pulled me roughly with him; so much for wanting to change.

“You WILL be with me Leia!” Ivan shouted - anger once again apparent in his eyes, “You’ll be with me whether you like it or not.”

I pulled out of Ivan’s clutches and darted to the kitchen. I pulled a knife from the block on the counter, grabbed my phone off charge and buried it deep into my back pocket just as Ivan barreled in after me. I extended my arm as steadily as I could muster; gripping the knife as though my life depended on it.

“Come any closer and I’ll cut you up, Ivan!” I said as clearly and calmly as I could even though I was terrified.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Ivan replied, laughing at me.

“Are you sure about that?” I answered as I lunged forward at Ivan. He stepped back, abandoning his hard-man image for a second or two. I held my stance along with my nerve and kept the knife out in front of me.

“What would you possibly achieve Leia?” Ivan asked, trying to pacify me yet failing miserably. “Would it make you feel good? I doubt it very much honey. You couldn’t live with the guilt and that’s your whole problem; you’re just too bloody nice!”

I lunged at him again and held the knife right to his throat. I applied just enough pressure to make him fidget beneath it.

“I tell you what I’d achieve,” I replied, my voice shaking with anger, “I’d have you out of my life for good; I wouldn’t have to live in fear. That’s what I’d get out of it; peace!”

“Yeah, you’d really get peace IN JAIL!” Ivan laughed gingerly.

“I’d just plead self defence,” I replied calmly, “I’ve got it all planned in my head. The police know your background; they know what you’re like. I would happily walk right into that police station and confess everything then that way they can see what you’ve done to me. Sarah may not have reported you but I will. I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU ANYMORE!”

My mobile phone rang which caused my concentration to drift and before I had time to curse at the inconvenient distraction, Ivan had knocked the knife out of my hand and grabbed my left arm before bringing it around my back. He’d got me in a lock and the pressure he applied was unbelievably painful. My phone was still ringing away; something which caused Ivan to laugh. It was a sinister, evil, cunning laugh.

Ivan quickly trailed his free hand down my back before resting it on my backside. He then pulled the phone out and answered.

“Hello Heath,” Ivan said, sounding victorious and somewhat playful, “What? Oh, yeah, sorry………. No, Leia’s not available to speak right now.”

I screamed as loudly as I could manage which caused Ivan to apply even more painful pressure to my locked arm. I whimpered in pain.

“Yes, that was she,” Ivan continued speaking into the phone, “Well, no, actually; I’d afraid you won’t be seeing or speaking to your precious girlfriend again. Goodbye Heath!”

Ivan ended the call. I was almost grateful of it. I couldn’t bear to hear the sound of Heath’s shouting and screaming down the phone. It upset me beyond words.

“My oh my, Leia,” Ivan whispered into my ear, nuzzling my neck as he did so, “I’ve got such plans for you; such wonderful plans.”