Butterflies

The first day of sixth day was the biggest day of my life up until then; minus the first day of kindergarten.

Why?

Because my parents had finally got a divorce and now my mom had forced us to pack up and move two states away from everything I had known and loved. And to the country of all places.

It was scary, hard, and overwhelming. I cried every day for a week once we moved in and I often wanted to throw myself out the window or slip back into my old habits.

See, I was a pretty sensitive kid. Now, I’ve learnt my lesson and have gotten better, but back then my twelve year old self could hardly take such a drastic change

Anyhow, on the first day of school I was a total wreck. My stomach was in knots, my face was hot with nervousness, and my palms were immensely sweaty.

“Hello kids, this is our newest student this year. Her name is Delaney Clark.” The pretty, young teacher with black hair announced my name first thing in the morning.

I nearly hurled chunks right there in front of everyone. However, I somehow managed to swallow down the acidic bile and focus on my breathing.

All eyes were on me staring me down. Some of the kids had indifferent looks, others had ones of curiosity. I tried not to look at them too much.

There one, however, that caught my attention from the moment my gaze happened to flicker his way.

He had a mass of shaggy hair on his head and he was smiling- a genuine, happy-to-meet-you kind of smile that radiated into the light blue hues of his eyes.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away. There was just something about his expression, his smile, his eyes- they wouldn’t let me go.

It’s not until three weeks later at recess do I officially met him and give a name to the boy I had silently crushed on.

The sun was high in the sky, but there was enough white, puffy clouds to block a majority of its glaring rays.

Unlike the rest of the kids, I referred to stay off on my own in quiet and calm. This made me a bit of an outcast, but I didn’t mind. Well, I didn’t mind enough to change.

So I was sitting, perched against one of the giant trees that lined the boundary between our playground and the street. A book that my daddy had bought me as a butter-me-up type of deal was in my hands and I had my nose in it.

“Hey.” A voice interrupted my inner movie real of the words.

I shaded my eyes and looked up into the most beautiful, baby blues I had ever seen. My heart did its thing again, and I could my face getting warm.

“Hey, Carson.” I greeted, his name rolling off my tongue like butter on a hot roll.

The boy smiled warmly and stuck out his hand for me to shake. At first I glanced it confused then I got the point and shuck it.

“It’s Delaney, right?” He said, leaning down to sit next to me in the freshly cut grasses.

I blinked, momentarily unable to properly form words. “Uhh, uhh, yeah. That’s me. But call me Laney, everyone back home does.”

My eyes went back to the pages of my book. I stared at the words, unseeing. I was too focused on the fact that this gorgeous boy was sitting extremely close to me, so close our elbows touched.

“So, want to play four square with us?”

The question was simple offer. But to me it held a lot of meaning. He wanted me the weird new girl to play with him and his buddies. Not only was I taken aback I was enamored instantly.

We soon became quick friends and from then on, whenever I got near him or he’d look at me my heart would begin to do an almost unrecognizable dance inside my chest. Butterflies also decided to join in on the melee and flutter around in my belly.

I had a middle school crush on him, my first real one ever. And as the weeks, months, and years went by it felt like my feelings only got stronger. They did get stronger and blossomed into something more entirely.

Oh, how I wanted, needed, died to tell him how I felt. But I couldn’t. I knew myself enough to realize that if he rejected me, I’d not only risk losing a friend but I’d risk shattering my also wounded heart into pieces.

And I just wasn’t having that.