‹ Prequel: Even Lovers Drown
Status: Paused for now

Happily Ever After

Chapter 18

Cadeau walked through Emily’s front door, out of the blaring Saturday afternoon sun and into the chilled home. Jolie waddled next to her, struggling to hold the light bag of necessities she insisted on holding herself to prove she was the big girl she claimed to be. She could have easily been talked out of carrying the bag that hung down to the floor on her little body, but Cadeau hadn’t been up to using her Mommy-tactics on her.

Not with the quickly approaching pool party on her mind.

She hadn’t been to a party without children in years. She was excited and nervous and did she still know how to celebrate like an adult? When was the last time she didn’t spend a party cleaning up messes, pretending to be interested in silly kid games, watching her daughter, and smoothing petty fights? Awhile. A very long while. And now she was releasing herself back into the wild, into the hands of people she barely knew. Could she do this?

As if sensing Cadeau’s distress, Emily rushed from the kitchen into the front hallway, smiling like the Cheshire cat. Thank goodness. Cadeau needed to talk.

Before Emily could say a word, Jolie spoke up, her only purpose for being in the house in the forefront of her mind, “Where’s Grayson?”

Emily’s attention was momentarily drawn away from Cadeau and to the smiling child. “In his room, sweetie.”

“Danks.” She slipped the tiny duffle bag off her shoulders and attempted to hold it out to Cadeau. But her little arms couldn’t sustain its weight and the bag hit the floor with a thud. She stared at the bag, as if shocked it had the nerve to be too heavy for her arms to carry, then fell to the ground and shoved the bag to her mother’s feet. “Here, Mommy,” she said, flashing her pretty, perfect smile at Cadeau, and stood and darted towards Grayson’s room.

Cadeau shook her head fondly at Jolie’s actions and bent to grab the bag. When she rose, she met Emily’s eyes and nearly groaned. Attention no longer distracted, Emily’s pleased expression had returned to her face. What put the expression there, Cadeau wasn’t too sure, but Emily would be of no help in regaining her confidence before the party. Her mind was clearly set on another track.

“I feel like I should be bowing down to your greatness,” Emily said.

What was she talking about?

“Did you fall and hit your head?” Cadeau joked.

“Real cute.” She nodded to the kitchen. “Get in here.”

Sighing to herself, Cadeau followed Emily into the kitchen. She just wanted Emily to tell her how awesome she was and how great she looked in her bathing suit despite the light stretch marks that still graced her stomach from her pregnancy and that if the band didn’t like her when they got to know her at the party, then it was their loss and she didn’t need them. That’s all she wanted. Couldn’t Emily just cooperate?

“I can’t believe she personally invited you,” Emily said, taking a seat at the kitchen island.

Oh, Sage. Her call, let alone her invitation, had been unexpected, and she had basically begged Cadeau to come to the party. It was an exhilarating surprise.

“And she apologized about the YouTube video,” Cadeau added. “She was really nice about it.”

Another surprise. Sage was nice to her. She apologized. Sage wouldn’t have done that last week. She probably would have told her to quit the band if she couldn’t handle a stupid video. But she didn’t do that. She offered to have the video theme changed because Cadeau was uncomfortable. She was offering compromise.

Progress.

“What did you do to make her like you?” Emily asked.

“I have no idea.”

“Maybe she wants in your pants.”

Leave it to Emily to come up with a reason for Sage’s sudden friendliness that hadn’t crossed Cadeau’s mind at all. And one that was completely farfetched, at that. Sage didn’t want to sleep with her.

Besides, on the small chance that there was truth to Emily’s statement, it couldn’t happen. Cadeau and Sage couldn’t have a relationship. There was too much risk.

“I hope not,” Cadeau mumbled.

“Why not?” Emily asked. “You’re the one who said she was cute. You know you want to hit that.”

“I can’t go sleeping around or dating or whatever your twisted mind has come up with.”

“Why?”

Cadeau waved in the direction of Grayson’s room, where Jolie had run off to upon their arrival. Emily’s eyebrows drew together in her confusion, the meaning of Cadeau’s motion apparently unclear to her. For a moment, Cadeau thought she’d have to explain the obvious issue. But then, Emily’s eyes lit with realization.

And disbelief.

“Oh, come on,” Emily said, “Reese dated after his ex had Grayson. In fact, Grayson was his wingman when we met.”

“It’s not the same.”

Well, maybe their situations were similar. Reese had been a single parent because his ex-girlfriend wanted nothing to do with their child, and he did occasionally worry about what bringing groupies around Grayson would do to him in the future, how it would warp his sense of family dynamics and healthy relationships. But Reese didn’t give up groupies for his son, not until he and Emily started dating, and Cadeau had gotten used to last minute calls about babysitting so Grayson wouldn’t be alone while his father was at a bar, picking up a woman for the night.

But there was more at stake than having Jolie get attached to a woman who wouldn’t stick around. Cadeau wasn’t ready for the band to find out about Jolie, not yet. Soon, maybe, but not yet. She would have to tell them if she did the YouTube video, because she couldn’t leave out facts on something so important, but she had time to get the band to like her, to gage how they would react to the news, before that.

She had time to prepare herself to get hurt.

Sleeping with Sage, dating Sage, doing anything outside of full band activities with Sage, was dangerous. Sage could easily find out about Jolie before Cadeau was ready to tell the band. She couldn’t let that happen.

“Honey,” Emily started, placing a hand on Cadeau’s wrist. “I’m saying this because I love you and I know what’s best.”

Cadeau snorted, but Emily ignored her.

“Fuck Sage. At least once.” Uncharacteristic seriousness cloaked her voice and brought a grave expression to her face. “You’re not who you used to be before Adam…” she trailed off and shook her head. “I just think sleeping with Sage will help you get your groove back. As much as I hate her, she can make you feel wanted in a way that I can’t, and Reese can’t, and Jolie and your parents and Grayson can’t. You need that.”

“Em, I’m not different because of Adam.” She said his name without flinching, without hesitation, without care. His name couldn’t hurt her. “I have different responsibilities now. And so do you. We’re mothers. Things aren’t the same as they were in college.”

“We only graduated two years ago, and being a mom shouldn’t get in the way of you dating. Jolie wouldn’t care. She’d probably love trying to gossip with you about your dates.”

“I don’t—”

“You never fully healed,” Emily cut in. “You haven’t dated, you haven’t flirted, you haven’t tried to find a nice woman who will treat like a fucking princess. You deserve that and you refuse to acknowledge that. Because you’re not over what happened.”

“I am over what happened.”

“No, you’re not. Look, I know it takes time, and you’ve come so far. God, I still remember how dead you looked lying in that hospital bed. Your eyes were so empty and when you asked them to put you down like were an old animal…” She shivered. “I never want you to go back to that. But I want you to get to the point where you’re comfortable dating and telling people you have a daughter. So if Sage is interested, try it out.”

Cadeau couldn’t argue, because Emily was right. She wasn’t at the same emotional low point she had been after giving birth but she certainly wasn’t completely okay. She didn’t cry anymore, she could hold her daughter, she’d overcome a lot, but she still had nightmares on occasion, still felt uncomfortable walking around at night, still had issues letting potential friends meet her daughter, still had issues making friends or dating because she knew she’d have to talk about it at some point.

She was scared of what people would think of her, ashamed that it happened. She’d probably never get over that.

“Sex doesn’t make things better,” Cadeau grumbled.

“It's still hard for you to think about, though, isn't it? And getting over that would be a huge step."

She didn’t want to agree with her. She didn’t want to say that the thought of actually having sex with someone made her skin crawl. She didn’t want to admit that she had been hurt that deeply because of him.

So she didn’t say it.

“What time is it?” Cadeau asked.

Emily didn’t point out her abrupt attempt at diversion, just smiled and checked her phone. “Almost three.”

“I should probably be heading over there,” she said, standing. “I packed a bag of stuff for Jolie to play with, change of clothes, the usual.” She handed the bag to Emily. “If anything happens, call me.”

“You know she’ll be fine.” Emily stood and gave Cadeau a reassuring hug. “And you’ll do fine. Let loose, fuck Sage in her bathroom, skinny dip, and get drunk enough to make out with Andy for me.” She loosened her embrace enough to pull back and look Cadeau in the eyes. “And if you tell that bitch I talked her up to you, I will deny it till my dying breath.”

Cadeau laughed, the short burst of joking reassurance from Emily exactly what she needed to get through this one party. The first party of what would be many with the band. She could do this.

She could.
♠ ♠ ♠
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Dakota Ray