Silver Springs

Billie waited for me outside of the diner. I quickly contemplated changing jobs because it seemed that every person I didn’t want to see always found me at work.

He didn’t smile, he didn’t wave. He looked utterly livid and I realized what had happened before he had even opened his mouth. But he said it anyway, “You fucked him, didn’t you?”

“Billie.” This was all I could say. All I could think. Billie. He was another part of this equation, I had added him.

He squared his shoulders and I knew he was ready for something. We were going to fight, we were going to scream, so I turned around and went to the alley across the street. He followed me there.

I turned around and there he was. Angry and hurt. His dark hair blew in the wind, I watched it for a second and then looked down to see his eyes. Dark.

“Billie, I didn’t plan on this all happening. I’m a bitch. I know I’m a bitch.”

“That’s not even the point. That’s not fucking it,” he spat, “The fact is that Gunnar called me this morning to tell me what had happened… in detail.” He finished curtly.

I put my hand to my forehead, “Gunn, you little shit,” I whispered.

“Why are you mad at him? He called to tell me, his best friend, that he just got back together with the girl he loves. That’s not an asshole move. What is an asshole move, however, is for you to cut things off with me and fuck him the next day. It’s wrong. I know that we set up these so-called “rules,” but it’s fucking vile what you did and you know it!”

I stayed silent. Tears ran down my face. “Is that all you can do? Cry?” he hurled, “Yeah, he told me about that. You just cry and then he feels bad and wipes your pretty face because you’re a delicate flower! Fuck you.”

“Billie. Stop yelling. Please stop,” I whimpered.

He breathed in deeply and then sighed gruffly. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’m mad, okay? I hate what we’ve done to him, and to ourselves. It’s just the fucking worst.”

I nodded. “I’m sorry. But we’re not together, Gunn and I, we’re not. I did spend the night with him and I shouldn’t have. I know that. I jumped right in because you know how much I love him. It’s fucked up and I know it. I’m sorry, Billie. You know I love you, too.”

“Oh my God,” he whispered under his breath, “You have truly mastered the art of being a damsel in distress. You love me too?” His smile was cruel.

I felt like I had been slapped. “Billie,” I sobbed, but he pushed me away.

“You’re poison, Mary Lou.”