Silver Springs

I worked as a waitress in a diner. It was a small job so that I could save up to get out of my mother’s house. She told me that she would pay for me to go back to school when I broke up with Gunnar, but I had explained that I wanted to save up some money first. I think I really just wanted to mourn the loss.

So there I was three months after the breakup wearing a pink dress and a white apron cleaning up after people in a diner in town. It was an early morning shift, so I only saw the people who had had rough nights and were sobering up with a cup of coffee or early birds who ordered great plates of pancakes and bacon.

I smelled of grease and some sweat and I cleaned a table when a coworker, Maisy, informed that I had a customer in my section. I sighed as I finished cleaning up and turned the corner back to my tables. I grabbed some menus and when I looked up to see my new customer, I froze. Gunnar. He sat there with a girl across from him and I immediately wanted to turn around and tell Maisy to do it, I would explain later. But just as I was going to do exactly that, he looked up at me and he seemed so surprised. We just stared at each other for a really, really long time.

“Mamie.” He broke the silence.

The girl in front of him looked at me and my disheveled appearance with apparent confusion, but I just collected myself and went for confidence. I was faking it, but I would not be pathetic.

“Gunnar! It’s been a while,” I said casually, “How are you?”

How was he? He looked good. Bright and colorful with no lines on his face. He wore the jacket I bought him for Christmas last year. And he looked wonderful and happy and I was wearing an oil stained waitressing uniform.

Gunn’s face turned hard because he knew that I was not casually asking him how he was. It was not nice to see him.

“I’m fine,” he replied softly, “You work here?”

It wasn’t disdainful, the way he said it. But my brain took it as an offense and I immediately found myself turning my nose up in defiance and saying, “Yeah. I’ve been here for a while. I’m saving up for school.”

“Oh,” surprise colored his voice, “You’re going back?”

“Yeah, I’m about to start, actually.” Oh, I hated myself for lying, but it needed to be done. Pride was my greatest flaw. I think that’s what ultimately broke us up. I had too much pride to really surrender everything I had to him, or I already had, but I didn’t want to admit it.

“That’s great, that’s really great,” he said with genuine enthusiasm.

“So what can I get you guys?” I said and laid their menus out before them. This was when I realized that this was a date. A breakfast date. Gunnar loved them. And my heart sank, but I plastered my smile on my face and said, “Hi, I’m Mary Lou.”

The girl had beautiful bronze skin and a pretty smile. Gunnar seemed embarrassed, but he continued our introduction. “This is Jamie,” he said.

Jamie. Mamie. Gunnar was a creature of comfort.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Jamie said with a grin.

“Um, so what do you guys want to drink?” I said.

“We can go somewhere else,” Gunnar suddenly whispered.

Jamie seemed shocked but looked between Gunn and I and a shower of realization spread about her face. So I gave Gunnar a hard look and said, “No, that’s fine. Just tell me what you want. Coffee? Black. That’s what you want,” I looked at Jamie, “What would you like?”

She asked for an orange juice. He glared at me as I told them that I would be right back with their drinks. When I got to the back room, I felt hot tears press out of my eyes, like an uncontrollable response to a physical wound. I poured out the coffee and got the orange juice, but when I returned to the table they were gone.

He had left a twenty on the counter and a little note that said, Too hard. But you look nice.