Silver Springs
the OTHER boy
“You’re perfect,” Billie moaned into my neck. He collapsed on me and I sighed and pulled away from him. He watched as I spaced myself.
“What?” he asked and reached for my bare waist.
“Why didn’t you tell me that Gunnar was getting clean too?” I questioned.
“Ah,” he sighed and turned his head so that I could see his straight profile. “Mary Lou, you told me you didn’t want to hear about him.”
“True. But he told me today.”
“What? You saw him?” he said, taken aback.
“Mmhm. He came round the diner and we talked,” I told him.
“He just came to the diner, huh? Surprise.”
“Yeah,” I said looking at his pale face. “Surprise.”
He smiled uneasily and traced circles around my navel with a feathery fingertip.
I knew it was ugly what we were doing. I was seeing my ex-boyfriend’s best friend. It really hadn’t started out that way. I had come for a familiar face, one that cared for Gunnar as much as I did. Unfortunately, just when Gunn and I had broken up, so had Lorelei and Billie. And we just got too close and couldn’t let go for fear of truly being alone.
Billie’s face darkened on mine as he watched me contemplate the situation. He was much like Gunnar because he was tall and lithe. His hair and eyes were dark and he looked like a steady rock. But he was also very unlike Gunnar in the fact that he was gentle and tender.
“Do you want to end it?” he asked suddenly.
I looked at him. “Do you?” I returned.
He stopped for a second and seemed to really think over it. “No and yes. Yes because I love Gunn. And no because I love spending time with you.”
“You love fucking me, that’s what you love,” I scoffed.
He laughed, “I won’t deny that. But I love being with someone and that that someone is you. Even if it’s once in a while. If no one finds out, who could it hurt?”
He said this, but his expression was troubled. Because we both know whom it could hurt: us, everyone. And we both knew it was inevitable. Someone would see. Someone would tell. Either Lorelei or Gunnar would find out and then we would die in more ways than one.
But I found myself nodding my head at Billie’s delusional conclusion and saying, “Yeah… yeah.”
Billie turned around and kissed me hard on the mouth. This was the only way we could love anyone anymore.
“What?” he asked and reached for my bare waist.
“Why didn’t you tell me that Gunnar was getting clean too?” I questioned.
“Ah,” he sighed and turned his head so that I could see his straight profile. “Mary Lou, you told me you didn’t want to hear about him.”
“True. But he told me today.”
“What? You saw him?” he said, taken aback.
“Mmhm. He came round the diner and we talked,” I told him.
“He just came to the diner, huh? Surprise.”
“Yeah,” I said looking at his pale face. “Surprise.”
He smiled uneasily and traced circles around my navel with a feathery fingertip.
I knew it was ugly what we were doing. I was seeing my ex-boyfriend’s best friend. It really hadn’t started out that way. I had come for a familiar face, one that cared for Gunnar as much as I did. Unfortunately, just when Gunn and I had broken up, so had Lorelei and Billie. And we just got too close and couldn’t let go for fear of truly being alone.
Billie’s face darkened on mine as he watched me contemplate the situation. He was much like Gunnar because he was tall and lithe. His hair and eyes were dark and he looked like a steady rock. But he was also very unlike Gunnar in the fact that he was gentle and tender.
“Do you want to end it?” he asked suddenly.
I looked at him. “Do you?” I returned.
He stopped for a second and seemed to really think over it. “No and yes. Yes because I love Gunn. And no because I love spending time with you.”
“You love fucking me, that’s what you love,” I scoffed.
He laughed, “I won’t deny that. But I love being with someone and that that someone is you. Even if it’s once in a while. If no one finds out, who could it hurt?”
He said this, but his expression was troubled. Because we both know whom it could hurt: us, everyone. And we both knew it was inevitable. Someone would see. Someone would tell. Either Lorelei or Gunnar would find out and then we would die in more ways than one.
But I found myself nodding my head at Billie’s delusional conclusion and saying, “Yeah… yeah.”
Billie turned around and kissed me hard on the mouth. This was the only way we could love anyone anymore.
♠ ♠ ♠
"In the neon mist, I heard you breathe. An exquisite sound, some secret symphony. Your silken skin, my fingers rough. In the midnight dim, we went home and touched."-Sea Wolf
special thanks to:
pelican park.
break.my.bones
props and mayhem.
vices
and all the other lovely people who are reading this story.
thanks for being nice and commenting and recommending
and subscribing, and being just plain ol' awesome.
love, love, love you guys.
♥ j.