Silver Springs

I stood outside of the bar with a reluctant expression. I knew that he was working tonight because I memorized his schedule when we’d been together.

Looking for a reason to dawdle, I dug my hand into my purse and pulled out my compact, inspected my crimson painted lips, and touched up my nose. When I snapped it shut, I found Gunnar standing out there. He’d gone out for a smoke break.

“Gunn,” I said, loud enough for him to look up. I caught him just as held the lighter up to the end of his cigarette.

“Mamie,” he said with a grin and walked over to me. I breathed him in as he wrapped an arm around me in a shy, earnest hug. “What are you doing here?” he asked. He smelled the same. Like his deep cologne and the cool scent of tobacco and mint.

“I came by for a drink and to say hello,” I muttered. He smiled at me.

“It’s nice to see you.”

It had been a week since our last meeting outside of the diner. I didn’t know why I had decided to visit him. Maybe it was the look on his face when he saw me. Maybe it was the familiar scent and his smile and the perfection of his strong face.

“You came at the perfect moment,” he said. He dropped his cigarette and stepped on it with his boot. It felt like we were in slow motion, like a page from a book I had read before. He grabbed my hand and led me into the bar. We had done this so many times before and the fact that this was happening in my present made tears sting my eyes.

Inside was the familiar wooden paneled bar with the dark lights. We went through to the other side of the counter and he sat me on the stool that was always mine. “Sidecar,” he said and dropped my hand. His coworker, Harry, saw me and said, “Mamie! Where’ve you been? You haven’t been around in so long.”

I realized that Gunnar hadn’t told him that we weren’t together anymore. I swallowed hard and muttered, “Things have been weird lately, you know how it is.” Gunnar’s shoulders stiffened as he tipped some brandy into my glass.

“What have you been doing?” Harry continued as he filled up a glass with beer.

“I’ve been busy. I mean, I got a job at a diner. And I’m heading to school,” I said. Gunnar handed me my drink. His lips were thin and I knew he was unhappy because he wasn’t part of it anymore. My plans did not include him.

“So you guys still living in that apartment on Heinz?”

I felt my heart drop, and I looked at Gunnar for help. He looked at Harry and shrugged. “We broke up.”

Harry froze. “Shit. Oh, man. Sorry.”

Gunnar nodded and said, “It’s alright.”

We exchanged uncomfortable glances. Harry looked sympathetic and changed the subject, asking me how I liked my new job.

Later, when Gunn was driving me home, I watched him. He stared straight ahead and I just wanted to reach over and run my finger down his face. “Stop looking at me,” he grumbled.

I laughed. He always got annoyed. “I miss you,” I whispered. It came out of me without thought, like a confession from the center of my being. He smiled and then his expression became quite somber.

“Does that change anything though?” he asked.

I said nothing, but I reached over and held his hand.