Status: I hope I did good.
Peine D'amour
02
It was June 1st and I was in a chatroom that I quite often visited, talking to people that I’ve grown to love as if they lived in the same state as me. My friend Chelsea was messaging me about this boy who she had met the other day, telling me that she liked him and wanted to be with him. I was so excited for her. I decided to message the boy so that I could get to know him since I wanted to socialize with him to make sure he was going to treat my best friend right. After a while, I started to get strong feelings for him and I knew that he had feelings for me, too. Never telling Chelsea this, she went ahead and dated him. I was somewhat jealous, but I didn’t let it bother me.
A couple days after, they broke up and me and him found our way into a relationship that didn’t last more then 3 days since I decided to go with another guy. Frankie told me plenty of times that, that destroyed him. Unfortunately, I got some sense and realized that my feelings were stronger for Frankie.
On June 12th, six days after I had broken up with him for another guy, Frankie and I joined back together and everything seemed to be going perfect, even though his ex girlfriend, who was also his best friend, Nichole, got really mad at him knowing that he was back with me since she was utterly in love with him.
A couple of months went by and everything seemed perfectly fine, even with a couple arguments here and there. But then all of a sudden, within a couple of weeks after our 4th month anniversary, things started to become a little sour. Which is okay, because I know relationships aren’t going to be good all of the time.
One time I was sitting in my living room texting Frankie and watching television with my grandparents. All of a sudden, I received a really strange text from him.
“We need to break up.” He sent and I was flabbergasted. Why in the world would he send me this text?
“Uh, why?” I said trying not to be rude about it.
“Just because, bye.” and that was the last text message I got from him that day. I waited all day and all night for him to text me wanting to talk or tell me why he broke up with me. I was a mess the whole time while waiting. As the next day arrived I still hadn’t texted him, because I knew that since he broke up with me, he wouldn’t want me to bother him, so I didn’t.
“Can we talk?” Read the text that had finally came my way from Frankie. I was kind of angered because he just randomly texts me after breaking up with me out of the blue and then asks if we could talk.
“Of course we can.” I sent back to him. I had then walked outside to smoke a cigarette and he called me. At first everything was quiet until he started to talk.
“I’m sorry that I broke up with you.” he said quietly, as if he didn’t know how to talk to me.
“It’s okay, but, why did you?” I asked, really curious of what had happened that made him do that.
“I have cancer, Jessica.” He told me slowly, hoping that I wouldn’t freak out, cry, or anything.
After he had told me that, I understood why he broke up with me. He didn’t want me to have to be with him while going through something so big. But, the thing was that I didn’t care what I had to go through, I wanted to be with him, and only him.
The next time something funny had happened, I had to get my wisdom teeth taken out, so for a week straight I was sleeping all of the time since I was on pain medication. I don’t remember talking to him on the phone at all. I finally had gotten enough strength and energy to go to my Uncle Rick’s house and spend a couple of nights there, playing the wii and sliding my Aunt Kim a couple pain pills here and there. I was outside on the porch, talking to him on the phone since I didn’t get enough service their trailer.
Frankie started to get short with me so I decided to ask him, “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Nothing, nothing at all.” He said low and quick. I knew he was lying, because usually he seems happy and talkative.
“I know you’re lying, tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s just that I’m so tired of Nichole yelling at me that I should be with her, and I keep reminding her how she broke up with me for someone else and she reminded me that she wasn’t the only one who did that, and I haven‘t thought about that all day, and it upsets me to no end.” Now, I wasn’t expecting him to say that and bring up what I did months ago. I thought we were over that and moved on by now.
“I’m sorry, Frankie.” I said to him, biting my lip. What else could I say?
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry too.” He was starting to get sarcastic and a little attitude towards me.
“You don’t have to act like that.” I said.
“You know I think about that every single day and try to figure out why you did that to me. Was I not good enough? What did he have that I didn’t? Did you just use me until he wanted you? Jessica, that completely destroyed me and you don’t even realize it. I’m so hurt by that. Sometimes I feel like you shouldn’t even be with me, but you should be with him.” Whenever he said that, his voice was dark and I could hear the hurt. I was shocked.
“Don’t you dare even say that!” I gasped. “I don’t want him, I never really did to begin with! Please don’t say that.. “ I begged.
“Whatever Jessica, bye.” And then he hung up on me.
I didn’t even know what to think about that. I hurriedly sent him a text telling him how sorry I was and how much he meant to me and that I would never choose anyone over him again because I knew then that I loved him, and only him. I waited twenty minutes for his text, but sadly it never came so I ended up calling him back.
Whenever he answered, he didn’t say anything. I just heard his slow, deep breathing and his quiet sobs. I knew instantly that he was crying. I ended up telling him a million things and soon enough he calmed down and everything was good again.
It was easier to fight with him in the early ages of our relationship. He didn’t get so defensive or angry with me so it was easier to calm him down and make things right. But I remember school nights where I would end up staying awake the whole night crying, and constantly calling and texting him trying to make everything better. I also remember all of the nights that he threatened suicide and I had to beg him, and beg him, and beg him not to do it and to stay alive.
A couple days after, they broke up and me and him found our way into a relationship that didn’t last more then 3 days since I decided to go with another guy. Frankie told me plenty of times that, that destroyed him. Unfortunately, I got some sense and realized that my feelings were stronger for Frankie.
On June 12th, six days after I had broken up with him for another guy, Frankie and I joined back together and everything seemed to be going perfect, even though his ex girlfriend, who was also his best friend, Nichole, got really mad at him knowing that he was back with me since she was utterly in love with him.
A couple of months went by and everything seemed perfectly fine, even with a couple arguments here and there. But then all of a sudden, within a couple of weeks after our 4th month anniversary, things started to become a little sour. Which is okay, because I know relationships aren’t going to be good all of the time.
One time I was sitting in my living room texting Frankie and watching television with my grandparents. All of a sudden, I received a really strange text from him.
“We need to break up.” He sent and I was flabbergasted. Why in the world would he send me this text?
“Uh, why?” I said trying not to be rude about it.
“Just because, bye.” and that was the last text message I got from him that day. I waited all day and all night for him to text me wanting to talk or tell me why he broke up with me. I was a mess the whole time while waiting. As the next day arrived I still hadn’t texted him, because I knew that since he broke up with me, he wouldn’t want me to bother him, so I didn’t.
“Can we talk?” Read the text that had finally came my way from Frankie. I was kind of angered because he just randomly texts me after breaking up with me out of the blue and then asks if we could talk.
“Of course we can.” I sent back to him. I had then walked outside to smoke a cigarette and he called me. At first everything was quiet until he started to talk.
“I’m sorry that I broke up with you.” he said quietly, as if he didn’t know how to talk to me.
“It’s okay, but, why did you?” I asked, really curious of what had happened that made him do that.
“I have cancer, Jessica.” He told me slowly, hoping that I wouldn’t freak out, cry, or anything.
After he had told me that, I understood why he broke up with me. He didn’t want me to have to be with him while going through something so big. But, the thing was that I didn’t care what I had to go through, I wanted to be with him, and only him.
The next time something funny had happened, I had to get my wisdom teeth taken out, so for a week straight I was sleeping all of the time since I was on pain medication. I don’t remember talking to him on the phone at all. I finally had gotten enough strength and energy to go to my Uncle Rick’s house and spend a couple of nights there, playing the wii and sliding my Aunt Kim a couple pain pills here and there. I was outside on the porch, talking to him on the phone since I didn’t get enough service their trailer.
Frankie started to get short with me so I decided to ask him, “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Nothing, nothing at all.” He said low and quick. I knew he was lying, because usually he seems happy and talkative.
“I know you’re lying, tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s just that I’m so tired of Nichole yelling at me that I should be with her, and I keep reminding her how she broke up with me for someone else and she reminded me that she wasn’t the only one who did that, and I haven‘t thought about that all day, and it upsets me to no end.” Now, I wasn’t expecting him to say that and bring up what I did months ago. I thought we were over that and moved on by now.
“I’m sorry, Frankie.” I said to him, biting my lip. What else could I say?
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry too.” He was starting to get sarcastic and a little attitude towards me.
“You don’t have to act like that.” I said.
“You know I think about that every single day and try to figure out why you did that to me. Was I not good enough? What did he have that I didn’t? Did you just use me until he wanted you? Jessica, that completely destroyed me and you don’t even realize it. I’m so hurt by that. Sometimes I feel like you shouldn’t even be with me, but you should be with him.” Whenever he said that, his voice was dark and I could hear the hurt. I was shocked.
“Don’t you dare even say that!” I gasped. “I don’t want him, I never really did to begin with! Please don’t say that.. “ I begged.
“Whatever Jessica, bye.” And then he hung up on me.
I didn’t even know what to think about that. I hurriedly sent him a text telling him how sorry I was and how much he meant to me and that I would never choose anyone over him again because I knew then that I loved him, and only him. I waited twenty minutes for his text, but sadly it never came so I ended up calling him back.
Whenever he answered, he didn’t say anything. I just heard his slow, deep breathing and his quiet sobs. I knew instantly that he was crying. I ended up telling him a million things and soon enough he calmed down and everything was good again.
It was easier to fight with him in the early ages of our relationship. He didn’t get so defensive or angry with me so it was easier to calm him down and make things right. But I remember school nights where I would end up staying awake the whole night crying, and constantly calling and texting him trying to make everything better. I also remember all of the nights that he threatened suicide and I had to beg him, and beg him, and beg him not to do it and to stay alive.
♠ ♠ ♠
I hope everything is understandable. /: