Paint Yourself a Picture, Something Perfectly Obscure
7
He was so young to have had that sort of problem already in his life plus he’d been drinking the other night and I always thought alcoholics had to stop drinking “I thought you were drinking the other night?” I asked and he nodded ”Yeah I still drink because that was never my true problem, I just used it to hide something else now I’ve dealt with that I’m fine I just know now not to try and drink away my problems” he admitted and I nodded.
“I’m 22 and I’ve been to rehab and therapy, kind of weird I know but Alex forced me there. He threatened to have me certified at a mental health hospital because I was that strange. I could go from fine and normal to angry or terrified within seconds and nobody ever knew what kicked it off, the only thing that ever stopped it was drinking and I just used to get wasted constantly,” he explained.
“At rehab they have all these things where they make you talk about what alcohol does to you and why you like that feeling and it was always that it made me forget things, someone people drink because they like the rush I drank because my demons weren’t there when I was drunk and when I had one to one sessions with this worker they said I shouldn’t be there I needed to be somewhere else and they moved me to this therapy place” he carried on.
“I never really knew why until this guy came to assess me and I freaked out and wouldn’t let him near me, this girl walking past heard me shouting and came in and suggested they got someone else to come to see me and a woman came and the girl went. I saw her around a lot we got pretty close, her brother was there at the same time I was. Anyway my parents came down to see me and they suggested they brought in people who’d had prolonged contact with me as a kid because I just refused to talk to anyone” he explained.
“They slowly went through everyone until the day this guy walked in who’d been around from when I was 17 to 20, he had been my mom’s boyfriend after my parents split up and I freaked out again. I couldn’t stay anywhere near him and I started to shake and I felt sick with nerves; it was like I was trapped and I couldn’t get out and I started shouting about him getting out and to not touch me and he shot me this look that I remembered so clearly that I still hate to see it in anyone now. I started crying and he moved and I always remembered how quick on his feet he was and I jumped and covered my face and they talked it out of me” he said going quiet suddenly.
“What was wrong?” I asked and he scratched at his hair “He used to hit me and it would come from nowhere, I always wanted to leave home but I was terrified if I left it would be my sister that got the punches and I’d rather he beat me than her, she’s my baby sister and I’d do anything to look out for her so I stayed put. Nobody ever knew about it, not even Alex,” he admitted.
“That’s awful” I said and he nodded “So they started to encourage me to talk about it and after weeks of being there I realised that I drank to get away from that, talking made me feel like I had someone else that knew what was wrong, that it wasn’t just my problem anymore and I realised drinking didn’t solve it. I was letting him ruin my life; I still don’t like guys all that much. They scare me if I don’t know them very well and as soon as things get heated I have to leave before I crack up but my best friends know that and they make sure if anything’s going down that I’m away from it. That girl though, well we got close and I trusted her and we started going out” he explained and I nodded.
“I’m one of them people I get close to people and when I lose them I feel it real bad, we were together for a year and she just fucked me around constantly. We’d go out and she’d insult some girl and her boyfriend would threaten me and every time I got dragged back to those memories and I never left her because I never wanted to lose anyone. In the end Alex and the others caught her out cheating on me and forced me to leave her, that’s who rang me earlier” he said and I nodded.
“You still talk?” I asked and he shrugged “When she wants something she calls me, she’s rang me for money, a place to crash, gig tickets, party invites and for other things. I feel like every time I say yes to her I get dragged back to it all, she’s my last connection to the old me and I sometimes just wish someone would stop it for me because I can’t” he admitted and I nodded.
“Change your number?” I suggested and he sighed, “She always gets hold of it again, nothing seems to work” he stated, “Where’s your phone?” I asked and he pulled it from his jacket pocket and I took it from him. “Name?” I asked and he looked confused “Cassie Erald” he said and I nodded.
I scrolled through his contacts found what I wanted and then handed him his phone back “What was that all about?” he asked and I smiled “Consider her blocked,” I stated and he looked shocked “Blocked?” he asked and I nodded. “I can undo it if you want” I offered and he shook his head, “What?” he asked and I smiled “It means she can’t get in contact with you at all from her phone, if she gets a new number you just block it again” I explained and he smiled.
“Really? Never again?” he asked and I shook my head “Thanks” he beamed. “I need to get some lunch” he stated, “I can make you something,” I offered and he smiled. “Do you trust me?” he asked and I shrugged “Well you must do a little bit to tell me that sort of stuff, I was thinking maybe we could go out for lunch?” he asked and I shook my head.
“Look you have to go out sometime and if we go now it won’t be busy” he reasoned and I looked at the window, he stood up “Okay we don’t stay out but we go get some food and come back here. I’ll stay with you I promise,” he said and I sighed. “Okay but…” “Don’t worry I won’t leave you” he said and I nodded as I grabbed some shoes and he opened the door.
I saw the road but he convinced to me walk outside and I stood next to him as he put himself between the road and myself. He was right it wasn’t busy and we walked into a shop and he ordered us some food and we sat waiting “You okay?” he asked and I nodded and he smiled. The woman called his name and he grabbed the food opening the door for me, as we walked back it was starting to get busier and I started to feel panic kick in.
I jumped as I felt someone touch me and saw it was Jack as he put his arm around my shoulders “It’s alright” he whispered as he pulled me into his body so I couldn’t see the road anymore. We walked down my street and made it to my house, I opened the door and we both walked in. He got out the food and we sat watching TV eating when I noticed him picking at his food.
“I’m 22 and I’ve been to rehab and therapy, kind of weird I know but Alex forced me there. He threatened to have me certified at a mental health hospital because I was that strange. I could go from fine and normal to angry or terrified within seconds and nobody ever knew what kicked it off, the only thing that ever stopped it was drinking and I just used to get wasted constantly,” he explained.
“At rehab they have all these things where they make you talk about what alcohol does to you and why you like that feeling and it was always that it made me forget things, someone people drink because they like the rush I drank because my demons weren’t there when I was drunk and when I had one to one sessions with this worker they said I shouldn’t be there I needed to be somewhere else and they moved me to this therapy place” he carried on.
“I never really knew why until this guy came to assess me and I freaked out and wouldn’t let him near me, this girl walking past heard me shouting and came in and suggested they got someone else to come to see me and a woman came and the girl went. I saw her around a lot we got pretty close, her brother was there at the same time I was. Anyway my parents came down to see me and they suggested they brought in people who’d had prolonged contact with me as a kid because I just refused to talk to anyone” he explained.
“They slowly went through everyone until the day this guy walked in who’d been around from when I was 17 to 20, he had been my mom’s boyfriend after my parents split up and I freaked out again. I couldn’t stay anywhere near him and I started to shake and I felt sick with nerves; it was like I was trapped and I couldn’t get out and I started shouting about him getting out and to not touch me and he shot me this look that I remembered so clearly that I still hate to see it in anyone now. I started crying and he moved and I always remembered how quick on his feet he was and I jumped and covered my face and they talked it out of me” he said going quiet suddenly.
“What was wrong?” I asked and he scratched at his hair “He used to hit me and it would come from nowhere, I always wanted to leave home but I was terrified if I left it would be my sister that got the punches and I’d rather he beat me than her, she’s my baby sister and I’d do anything to look out for her so I stayed put. Nobody ever knew about it, not even Alex,” he admitted.
“That’s awful” I said and he nodded “So they started to encourage me to talk about it and after weeks of being there I realised that I drank to get away from that, talking made me feel like I had someone else that knew what was wrong, that it wasn’t just my problem anymore and I realised drinking didn’t solve it. I was letting him ruin my life; I still don’t like guys all that much. They scare me if I don’t know them very well and as soon as things get heated I have to leave before I crack up but my best friends know that and they make sure if anything’s going down that I’m away from it. That girl though, well we got close and I trusted her and we started going out” he explained and I nodded.
“I’m one of them people I get close to people and when I lose them I feel it real bad, we were together for a year and she just fucked me around constantly. We’d go out and she’d insult some girl and her boyfriend would threaten me and every time I got dragged back to those memories and I never left her because I never wanted to lose anyone. In the end Alex and the others caught her out cheating on me and forced me to leave her, that’s who rang me earlier” he said and I nodded.
“You still talk?” I asked and he shrugged “When she wants something she calls me, she’s rang me for money, a place to crash, gig tickets, party invites and for other things. I feel like every time I say yes to her I get dragged back to it all, she’s my last connection to the old me and I sometimes just wish someone would stop it for me because I can’t” he admitted and I nodded.
“Change your number?” I suggested and he sighed, “She always gets hold of it again, nothing seems to work” he stated, “Where’s your phone?” I asked and he pulled it from his jacket pocket and I took it from him. “Name?” I asked and he looked confused “Cassie Erald” he said and I nodded.
I scrolled through his contacts found what I wanted and then handed him his phone back “What was that all about?” he asked and I smiled “Consider her blocked,” I stated and he looked shocked “Blocked?” he asked and I nodded. “I can undo it if you want” I offered and he shook his head, “What?” he asked and I smiled “It means she can’t get in contact with you at all from her phone, if she gets a new number you just block it again” I explained and he smiled.
“Really? Never again?” he asked and I shook my head “Thanks” he beamed. “I need to get some lunch” he stated, “I can make you something,” I offered and he smiled. “Do you trust me?” he asked and I shrugged “Well you must do a little bit to tell me that sort of stuff, I was thinking maybe we could go out for lunch?” he asked and I shook my head.
“Look you have to go out sometime and if we go now it won’t be busy” he reasoned and I looked at the window, he stood up “Okay we don’t stay out but we go get some food and come back here. I’ll stay with you I promise,” he said and I sighed. “Okay but…” “Don’t worry I won’t leave you” he said and I nodded as I grabbed some shoes and he opened the door.
I saw the road but he convinced to me walk outside and I stood next to him as he put himself between the road and myself. He was right it wasn’t busy and we walked into a shop and he ordered us some food and we sat waiting “You okay?” he asked and I nodded and he smiled. The woman called his name and he grabbed the food opening the door for me, as we walked back it was starting to get busier and I started to feel panic kick in.
I jumped as I felt someone touch me and saw it was Jack as he put his arm around my shoulders “It’s alright” he whispered as he pulled me into his body so I couldn’t see the road anymore. We walked down my street and made it to my house, I opened the door and we both walked in. He got out the food and we sat watching TV eating when I noticed him picking at his food.