Passenger

I woke up alone, for the first time in a while, and it felt strange.

I turned, pulling the large white T-shirt lower my bare body, and rolling towards the windows, frowning when I still found them dark, and hoisted myself up and glanced at the alarm clock, frowning as I red the bright red numbers, 5:15.

I sat up, stretching my arms, and glancing around the dark room, spotting Herman and Stella, both laying on my side of the bed.

I pushed my self from the mattress, freezing, as I grabbed a pair of underwear, and my sweats and padded softly out of the bedroom, yawning as I glanced around. Heading down the stairs, I glanced behind me as I heard a soft growl, and turned to see Herman a few steps behind me, I paused and watched as he climbed down them, towards me, as we continued down the stairs together.

I reached the landing, and headed towards the kitchen, expecting to see Michael, but I didn’t. I headed towards the living room, near the windows, and stopped as I didn’t see him there either.

I glanced at the front door, seeing it still locked, but his keys not on the small hook above the mantel.

Grabbing a pair of flip flops that were nearest to my small pile of things, I pulled on an oversized sweatshirt that read USA Swimming and headed out the door.

The grounds of the apartment complex were wet, and I spotted the heavy and grey rain clouds above my head, as I walked across the courtyard, and towards the gym area, knowing where I would find Michael.

My feet were numb, as I entered the room, and sighed as warmth met my exposed toes, and I walked further in, hearing the sound of water being splashed around.
Pushing open the door, I watched silently, as Michael dove into the pool, dressed in a black jammer and swimming goggles adorning his face.

I walked quietly around the pool, taking a seat by his towel, watching as he reached the opposite wall of the pool, kicking off, before heading back to me.
As he reached the wall, where his belongings were, I smiled softly as he pulled himself out of the water, clearly surprised by my presence.

“Morning.” he said as I handed him the towel with a chuckle, as I pulled my legs up to my chest watching as he ran the towel over his head, and quickly took a seat next to me, giving me a quick kiss, “Is everything okay?”

I nodded, “Why are you swimming so early?”

He hung his head, with an uncomfortable face, as he took my hand and played with my fingers, “Hard to break the habit I guess.”

I studied his face, he was tired, exhausted. His arms were quivering, and I rubbed his arm, “You don’t want to lose any of it, do you?”

He smiled and stared at the pool with longing as he pulled his hand away from my own and played with his goggles, “It hurts, more now.”

I listened to him carefully.

“I feel, weaker.” he said, tossing the goggles aside, “I don’t feel as powerful, or feel as if I have the same pull that I had a few months ago. I know it’s because I’m not swimming professionally, anymore, but I didn’t expect it to happen this quickly.”

“You’ve finally come to terms with realizing you’re only human.” I said, watching as his expression dropped, and he nodded.

His eyes grew distant and I reached up and gently turned his chin towards me, “There is nothing wrong with that.”

“It’s different.” he said softly, his voice, “I’m not used to it. I’m not sure if I even want to.”

I gave him a sad smile, as he averted his gaze, and stared at the pool distantly, with a look of discomfort, and all I could do, was sit with him.

Michael sat on the couch, his back to me, while I made some coffee, eggs, toast and bagels. He was still moody, he didn’t get snappy with me, but it vibed off of him. As the juice maker went to work, I heard him sigh loudly, once before he sighed and tilted to the side with a loud thump.
He was still in his swimming trunks, and the towel wrapped around his shoulders.

“Michael.” I called softly, turning off the stove, knowing he wouldn’t be in a mood to eat.

“Hmm.”

“Why don’t you go shower, get comfy.” I said walking to the couch, and taking a seat on the arm rest, watching as he shoved his fist under his cheek, smushing it, while I ran my hands through his still wet locks, “We’ll have a lazy day.”

He glanced up at me, and sighed before pushing himself up, and kissing me lightly.

“Okay, I’ll be quick.”

Quick, wasn’t ten minutes.
It wasn’t twenty, and by thirty minutes, I was pretty sure he had drowned himself.

I reached the bathroom door, and still heard the shower running, and tapped the door softly, “Babe, you okay?”

“Fantastic.” he said dully, and his tone caused me to open the door.

Judging by the figure behind the curtain, he was distraught. His figure slouched, and slumped against the wall. He hadn’t heard me come in, so I took a chance.

My hands gripped the curtain tightly, my teeth digging into my bottom lip, as I stepped into the water, and wrapped my arms around Michael’s bare waist, causing him to jump, as my naked front pressed against his back.

He didn’t say anything, instead relaxed in my hold, as I whispered soothing words, smiling as I felt the tension leave his back.

“Don’t over think.” I said softly, blushing as he turned around, and the water hit both of our bodies, and his hands rested on my naked waist, “You do that too much. You have to accept, what’s to come.”

Michael chuckled, “Your way of getting me to relax worked. I accepted that.”

I blushed and squinted up at him, the water soaking my hair, his hands running through it, getting tangled.

I had been naked in front of Michael before- not shyness, no awkwardness. He didn’t give me uncomfortable stares, he respected me.
This was different, not just because he was nude too, but because his hands were wandering, curiously, causing me to fold, or press further into his touch.

“I don’t want to do anything.” he said softly, his lips at my ear, my hands around the back of his neck, while his hands trailed down the side of my body, down my the side of my chest, my stomach, my waist- one resting there, the other resting just under my bottom, “Not now.”

I glanced up at him, kissing him lightly, my hands in his growing hair tugging softly, as he bit at my lip, and I felt a longing, a need for him.

“I want it to be special.” he said kissing me, his lips trailing down from my lips to my cheek, jawline until he reached my neck and he kissed me softly, my arms and entire body falling to putty, as he held me tightly with one arm, the other, the other hand, wandering between us, touching gently.

“Not ordinary, because what we have isn’t ordinary.”