Passenger

“How are you feeling Bumble Bee?”

Annie didn’t answer as she sat in the back seat of our Grandmother’s car.

It had been a long day at the hospital, we had arrived at 8 in the morning, and were just leaving at four in the afternoon. It had been a long treatment, and the only thing she was allowed to eat due to the test and the treatment were ice chips- She still wasn’t allowed to eat for another two hours.

She leaned towards me in the vans connected seats, her head leaning on my chest, as she sighed exhausted. One of my arms was wrapped around her waist holding her tight, the other combing through her thin hair. My lips were to her ear as she whispered a soft command for me to start singing.

“Bird, you’ve so many hearts on your sleeve, One for each feather, though you never see, blue eyes blink bright lights through leaves on the trees from seeds that did grow where you sowed...” I sung Lisa Hannigan softly, meeting my Grandmother’s stare from the rear view mirror as she gave me a sad smile.

We arrived at Gran’s house in a matter of minutes after driving off of the free way.
Gran parked the car in her drive way, and I squinted into the setting sun as I hopped out of the car and gently whispered for Annie to wake up and wrap her arms around me.
She did so, and I quickly walked towards the opening garage and towards the door that would lead me into the house.

Annie’s room was on the first floor, and the room that had been our Grandmother’s study was turned into a second room for me, for whenever I stayed over- but Gran stayed in it now, permanently, due to Annie needing help in the middle of the night.

Annie whimpered as I laid her on her bed, and quickly took off her sweat pants, closing my eyes at how fragile her legs looked, and sat her up to remove her T-shirt.

“Am I ever going to wear a bra?”

I stared startled as I grabbed pajamas from the dresser near the bed, as Annie spoke and I bit my lip to keep from crying as her eyes watered.

“What makes you say that Goober?” I said with a small smile.

“I don’t feel like I’m going to make it.”

I hated when she dropped like this. It’s what the treatment did, the medicine, it made patients feel weaker then they really were.

“Don’t talk like that, you know you are.” I said sternly as she forced her self up so I could pull the shirt over her thin and bare torso, “You’re going to get to do everything. This is just the medicine talking.”

Annie didn’t answer, so I continued to pull her pajama bottoms on. She remained silent, as I walked towards the small lamp, that rotated and reflected images on the wall, and quickly flicked it on.

“Are you a bird?” I asked her sitting on her bed, watching as she pulled herself under her covers.

“Yes,” she smiled tiredly.

“Why?” I asked her pressing my head against hers and kissing her nose.

“‘cause I’m free.”

“Because you are free. You have spirit-”

“I have wings, that can take me anywhere.” she nodded with a yawn, “I’m hungry.”

I chuckled and pinched her cheeks, “I’ll have Gran make you some soup and a grilled cheese, how does that sound?”

Annie let out a loud yes and pulled the remote for the small TV in her room out from under her pillow and quickly turned it on, her eyes quickly fixated on the recent episode of iCarly.

I pushed myself up from her bed and kissed her agains, as she hugged me tightly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Annie.”

As I reached the door to her room, and pushed it open, she spoke again.

“I know, that Mom’s gone.”

Her words caught me off guard, and all I could do was stare at her, shocked.

“I heard you and Lisa talking the other day at the pool, when Michael left.” she said honestly, “It’s okay though. Because she wasn’t a good one.”

❊

I knew where to find him.
It wasn’t that difficult honestly. When Annie was diagnosed with Kidney Failure, our Dad had a head start to abandonment. He was cheating on my Mother- who like him, didn’t have the best track record when it came to relationships, they weren’t married, and as they both liked to describe their relationship, It’s good not to be tied down.

I don’t know what was going through my Mother’s mind at the time of Annie’s diagnosis, if she thought he was going to stay, and support us. She was dead wrong.

From a young age, I knew not to rely on anyone. Parents included- they weren’t parents, they were the people that conceived me. If anyone raised Annie and I it would be our Grandmother.

Dad moved in with the women he had been sleeping with, during his and my Mother’s relationship, a few months after Annie’s diagnosis. They got a condo about ten miles away from our midtown apartment, near the water front, exactly a block away from it.

I doubt he recognized me, apart from the eyes that Annie and I got from him, we looked nothing like him. It wasn’t like he spent time with us and could recognize us in an instant no- it was nothing like that.

I parked my 1999 Volvo a block from the complex. I was parked on the water front side. The promenade a few blocks away, full with crowds of people, families, tourists, couples, and the Baltimore natives.

I sat in the drivers seat, as always Lisa Hannigan playing on my speakers. Her voice relaxed me, gave me strength, and lyrics that spoke her pain, I could relate to.

Slamming the door shut, I walked across the street, nearly getting run over towards the building. It was two levels, but the apartments within were two stories or just as large. The front walls, were all large windows, and all of the units had their lights on. Their were only six apartments, six different last names- Tim Grant’s was pretty simple to find- or so it used to be. Apartment 205, had no name, only a blank tag.

“You’re fucking kidding me.” I groaned slamming my hand against the dial, “Fucker, fucking moved...Fuck!”

“Kazz?”

Wincing, I gulped and slowly turned around.

Of course he would live here.

Lisa stood a few feet away from me. A priss smile on her face as she stood arm in arm with Michael. She was dressed in tights and a deep blue dress, and jean jacket and scarf. Michael was next to her, looking handsome in a long blazer, dark jeans, Nikes, and black collared shirt.

“Hi, Lis.” I said awkwardly, waving, my mouth slightly open. I tugged down at my Grey and worn Maryland University sweatshirt, and quickly shoved my hands into the front pocket of my jeans, “Michael, nice to see you again.”

He nodded, with his crooked smile, “Hi...Do you know anyone that lives here?”

I blushed, and turned to Lisa, who held realization written all over her face.

“Uh, yeah, I was just trying to find my Dad, but uhm, he apparently moved.”

Michael quickly understood, and scratched the back of his head unsure, “Wow, I’m sorry... Lisa and I just got done with dinner, do you wanna come in, I’m sure my manager is in-”

I opened my mouth to speak, but Lisa quickly cut me off, with a sharp tone, even though my answer would’ve been no.

“That’s really sweet, Michael.” she said starring between the two us unsure, while I smiled at the taller man with the boyish smile, “But I think it’s better if she and I have some girl time. I’ll drive with her.”

‘I’m not going to steal him from you’ I thought as Michael nodded, starring warily at Lisa who reached up on her toes and kissed his cheek, causing his eyes to widen.

“See you later.” I said as Lisa dragged me away, as I waved at Michael, who did the same frowning at his former companion.

I buckled into the driver’s seat as Lisa climbed into the passenger seat.

“How’s Annie?” she asked, dropping the possessive act.

“Today was bad, they did a new treatment.” I said turning on the car, and making a quick U-turn, just as Michael was unlocking the front door of the complex, and he gave us a slow wave, before he walked in, “And she knows about, our Mother, she heard you and I talking at the pool.”

“Oh, shit.” Lisa hissed, sincerely, “Was she messed up by it?”

I shook my head, as I stopped at a red light, “She was understanding, mature about it.”

Lisa nodded, and she stared at me.

She was giving me the look, as I started driving again. The look that wanted me to ask her something about herself.

I ran a hand through my long hair, as I leaned my arm on the door on my left, “So how was your afternoon?”

I listened to her gush. Michael was sweet. He was shy, awkward even. She went on, on how polite he was, picking her up, taking her to dinner, listening to her talk about, seeming interested. She went on about how athletic he was, how fit, how handsome and so forth.

When I thought of the way she described him. I thought of her motives, he wasn’t her usual guy, he was a good guy. Not strange, not sketchy, not weird or creepy. He was nice, genuinely sweet, and always cared an interested and distracted look in his eye.

The look was something I had caught onto from the past two times I had encountered him.
Just a gleam in his brown eyes, that showed he wanted to help.

And it was something I couldn’t get out of my head