Where Were You When My Walls Came Falling Down?

The doors opened and I heard Kent, Austin and Kyle laughing “Hey you” Caleb said and I nodded walking through them “JJ” Caleb stated but I just kept walking “I’ll catch you guys up” he stated before appearing at my side “Are you okay?” Caleb asked and I just walked. “Guys have you seen Jess?” I heard Jonathan ask and I looked over my shoulder “She was walking out, Caleb went with her I think” Austin replied and I looked around.

“You haven’t seen me,” I whispered before running into the bathrooms, I heard the door open behind me and Caleb ran in “JJ what’s wrong?” “Just go” I stated, “I’m not leaving you, we can not talk if you want?” he asked and I nodded. I leant on the wall before sliding down to the floor hugging my knees to my chest, I saw him pull his phone out his pocket “What are you doing?” I asked, “Turning it off, he’ll ring me,” he stated and I nodded. It fell silent and you could hear the people in the lobby outside. “I know we said no talking but well I can’t stay in here, if someone walks in and finds me they’ll kick me out, this is the ladies bathroom” “Well go then” I cut back.

“JJ I’m not leaving you! Look why don’t you come with me, we can go to my room; everyone will think we’re in the town together and we’ll just not answer the door if anyone comes” he suggested crouching down to my level as I shook my head “JJ please? This is me, I’m not going to hurt you or lie to you, now please come with me. I’ll make sure nobody knows we’re there if that’s what you want, I promise” he reassured holding his pinkie out at me and I sighed hooking mine through it.

“Good girl, I’ll go see whether they’re out there and call the elevator,” he stated getting up and walking out, not long after the door opened “Come on” he said holding his hand out and I got up walking over, he dragged me out and to the elevator while I looked around for anyone. 2 minutes later and we were in his room “You always were messy” I stated before picking his clothes up off the floor folding them “No I just like…” “To make a mark” I finished as he laughed.

He sat on his bed watching as I tidied up “Aren’t you going to tell me to be careful because of the baby?” I asked, “Nope, you know your limits, plus I learnt that you never listen to what you’re told,” he stated making me smile “So why are you avoiding Jonathan?” he asked, “Just am,” I stated. “Yeah well you don’t just avoid Jonathan for nothing, I thought you were friends again?” he asked, “We are, he just doesn’t get this though,” I explained “Nobody does,” I admitted.

“I could try” he stated and I sighed explaining to him as he stayed quiet “JJ your not crazy, if I was you I’d be thinking the same thing; your young and you’ve not been together that long. For everything you jump into in life you need more reassurance than you think JJ, you play like your brave but your just as scared as everyone else is underneath it all” he replied as I sat down next to him. “But you have to see this his way as well, that’s his baby and you sort of said you wanted it gone. He maybe sees that as you don’t want it to be his baby or that you have an issue with him; I get the feeling he goes with his emotions and I think he’s maybe just overwhelmed. Give him time and he’ll calm down, he does love you, you know that,” he reasoned and I nodded slowly.

“I just never wanted all this and then when I forget all the stuff I worry about I’m really happy about the baby, Alex just won’t let it go though” “That’s Alex, he’s like your mother sometimes isn’t he?” he asked making me smile “He’s an old woman sometimes when he gets going, I just sometimes don’t feel like I’m me anymore. I feel like I’m losing who I was and I’ll just become this mom who has no choice but to be a housewife because her husband won’t be at home to help look after the baby. I don’t want that, I want to be me again. I want to party with the guys, pull all nighters, take random road trips to the beach and end up coming home 4 days later and I want to keep touring” I explained as I laid back on the bed.

“Your still that girl and you always will be, you’ll always be that crazy girl that got a tattoo on her back and was in less pain than I was with my foot tattoo” he replied as I laughed “You nearly broke my hand ginger spice, your such a wimp” I teased “No your just mental, who gets a bloody tattoo on their spine like that!” he stated laying back. “Me, it’s the best song ever ginger, you know I miss those warped tour days and nights sometimes. It was the best summer of my life,” I admitted “Seriously? It beats the dolphins?” he asked, “How did you know about the dolphins?” “You told me, you said that summer wasn’t as good as when you went swimming with dolphins” he stated.

“I don’t remember telling you but yeah it was better than the dolphins, it sounds so clichéd but I felt like it was a home. Spending the days selling stuff for all you guys and talking away at night around campfires or travelling in vans. Life was good back then, I had my best friends, I had my job and I had what felt like a little family around me; I even had my own little ginger whore” I joked and I heard him laugh.

“Correction dirty ginger whore” “Oh I do apologize, did you ever hear from him after warped?” I asked, “Hear no but I did see him. He didn’t have chance to talk before I punched him; Austin had to drag me away before I got caught out fighting” “Did you give him a punch from me?” I asked and he nodded “You ever see Mason or Phoebe?” he questioned as I rolled onto my side to face him. “Nope but Benji did speak to Mason, Joel told me not so long back one of his friends heard about Phoebe trying to get a job selling merch for some little band but Joel made sure she didn’t get the job. Them 2 are so cool, I love them,” I admitted as he smiled at me.

“You so have a little crush on Benji, don’t think didn’t notice it when we were dating. I used to see you give him the cheeky glance when he was showering” “No I never” I lied “You’re a terrible liar! I used to catch you doing it all the time when you thought I wasn’t looking, shameless you really are,” he teased smiling as he rolled to face me. “You know on that whole tour we never forfeited, you are the best merch seller we’ve ever had. Vinny, Ziggy and you made an epic team,” he stated as he pulled stuff from his pockets to get comfy.

“Caleb do you smoke?” I asked and he nodded slowly “Why?” “Stress, it’s stupid I know but it got me through some tough times when I felt like I didn’t really have a friend to talk to so I smoked it out” he explained “Us?” “Yep, I felt shut out and I get so locked in sometimes. It’s like there’s nobody…” “To listen but when there is you don’t know how to speak because it’s been so long?” I asked and he nodded slowly. “Got it on one, Jonathan and I were at war, the band wanted nothing to do with it, my parents didn’t understand, those boys are my best friends and when I didn’t have them to talk to I felt alone. I had all these things I wanted to say but nobody to tell them to, nobody to listen and understand with me, I just got so stressed out about it all so I just fell back to this. Smoking had gotten rid of stress when I was younger so I went back to it and I kind of haven’t kicked it yet” he admitted.

“Well you need to, that pretty little of voice of yours will get ruined and then you’ll just have to really on your devilishly good looks” I joked “And they fade in time” “They’ll never fade, you’ll always be cute Caleb Turman. Your cute cheeks, your freckles, the cheeky little grin and that little twinkle in your eye will never fade, the ginger hair might go grey though but I’ll try push past that” I teased making him smile.

“You make me sound cuter than I ever have been” “Nah that’s one thing you’ll always have, you can be a grumpy little so and so and your not always genuine with people but your cute so you get away with it, you’re a gentleman and you’re cuddly” I admitted. “I’m hardly a gentleman after what I’ve said and done involving you” “Yeah well we forget all that” I stated, “Ergh you’ve got your dirty feet all over my white sheets” he stated and I smiled “You used to love my dirty feet on your bed sheets” I joked.

“That’s because I loved you being in my bed, you can hardly call me cuddly you’re worse than me for cuddling people. You know my aunt once told me people who like being cuddled need to feel safe and that’s why they crave cuddles, they want someone to make them feel secure and that the more scared and insecure you feel the more you crave them” he said quietly as I felt his hand slide over my waist pulling me gently towards him. “Jeremy’s not one for cuddles all the time” “I can tell” Caleb stated “He can get really pissed off if he wakes up and I’m cuddled up to him, says he feels crowded” I explained.

“It’s not your fault, I’m a little bit the same “A little bit! Caleb you’re a night time cuddle, you’re nearly worse than Jonathan, he doesn’t do it to feel safe though” I stated “Aww that’s where your wrong, Jonathan feels safe and secure when he’s making someone else feel that way. If he makes you feel good and happy he feels like he’s useful and that’s why he’s a touchy guy. It’s a good job he doesn’t drink because he’d be a right handsy drunk, you know the one you avoid because he touches you up a bit” he joked and I laughed “Totally! I bet if he likes you it’s impossible to say no to him, not because he’d just do it anyway but because he’s hard to resist,” I explained.

“Are you saying Jonathan Cook is irresistible?” he asked smiling “No, well yeah kind of I guess. When he gets on the charm offensive I bet it’s impossible to not fall for it” I stated “Yeah Becky said that’s what got her” “Caleb you know it bothers him that you two are friends don’t you?” I asked and he stayed quiet, I knew that meant he was aware of it. “You only spoke to her to get at him and considering what she meant to him you know that’s pretty unfair” I said quietly.

“What like him sleeping with you was unfair?” he asked “JJ he slept with my girlfriend, he really has no say in who I am friends with anymore” he snapped “Caleb we all know that was wrong but nobody could help what happened and if we could we’d change it but you never even liked Becky so we all know you only spoke to her to piss him off and he really doesn’t deserve it” I replied.

“You know what he deserves a lot more than Becky and I being friends, a hell of a lot more. He took advantage of me and of you” “No he didn’t and he doesn’t deserve it, you think we just forget about it because we don’t. We know what we did Caleb and although it won’t change our friendship because to us it never happened it does stay with us because we get them looks from people all the time” I explained. “JJ he took advantage! You just agreed he’d be a handsy drunk, well guess what he did to you that night” he argued at me with his arm still around me, a sign that this wasn’t going to be a full blown argument.

“Caleb if I tell you something will you promise never to mention it to anyone?” I asked and he nodded slowly “I lied to you, I lied to everyone. I wasn’t drunk, well I was drunk that’s why I took the stupid drinks from Phoebe but you know how she drugged Jonathan? Well she drugged me too,” I admitted and he looked at me. “What?” he asked, “She did the same thing to me, I just never told anyone. I told Jonathan at Superbowl because I thought he deserved to know; he blamed himself and I told Jeremy not that long ago. I’m sorry,” I offered.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” “Because it was my fault still, it didn’t change what we did” I replied “JJ you were drugged, that makes a huge difference to me” he stated “Yeah but if I wasn’t drunk by the time she offered me a drink it’d of never happened, I’d have never taken that drink from her if I was sober. I was to blame for it because Jonathan was never to know she’d do anything like that. I told Benji what she was doing and that as her punishment, she knew Jonathan and I were close so she knew if she put us together we would be friendly, add drugs to that and well we would do what we did” I explained.

“JJ! If you told me that I’d have worked this through with you, I stayed away because I thought you cheated on me drunkenly. I forgave Jonathan because he would never do that sober and I didn’t forgive you because I thought you’d screw me over when drunk. You let me think that you were drunk! If I knew this none of this would’ve happened” he argued at me “But…” “But nothing, JJ that would change everything! It still does change everything, I wanted to forgive you but knowing that I can forgive you,” he explained as I shook my head.

“Caleb no, you shouldn’t forgive me whatever the reason behind it, I did a bad thing and I don’t want to be forgiven” “Well I do forgive you, JJ by not telling me that you kept us apart. We’d have fixed us if I’d been told that; we were fixable JJ” he snapped at me. “No we…” “Don’t tell me we weren’t, we were fixable. A few weeks together working this through and we’d have been together again; did you not want me anymore?” he asked “Caleb that’s stupid! I wanted to be with you but you shouldn’t have forgiven me for it so I never tried for forgiveness” I explained.

“I’d have forgiven you for that, we were meant to be together JJ” he said looking at me “We weren’t because it feels so right to be with Jeremy, if we were meant to be together Jeremy wouldn’t feel right to me” I stated “Yeah and if you were so perfect together you wouldn’t freak out at the thought of having his kid and you wouldn’t be crying to me, you trust me and no matter how hard to push it away there’s something in you that still falls for me and I know it” he bragged.

“I’m meant to be with Jeremy,” I repeated and he nodded “Things aren’t as perfect with him as you thought though, tell me the truth; does he make you feel like you did that summer?” he asked and I thought about it “He doesn’t does he? You miss that summer because you miss feeling the way you did then,” he stated. “Oh and I suppose you think you were the one that made me feel that way do you?” I asked and he nodded “And I bet I still could if you’d let me” he said.

“Yeah well I’m engaged so that’s not happening” “I’m not suggesting we have sex or anything, I’m merely saying give me the chance and I’ll prove you could still be that girl you miss” he replied. “Like what?” I asked, “Like how about you put some shoes on and a hoodie and I’ll show you” he said sitting up “That involves going to my room and Jeremy will be there” I replied being awkward and he smiled “Good job I still own these then” he said opening the bag on the floor pulling out a pair of my vans and I looked at him “I took them home with me after warped” he explained as I pulled them on and I saw what was written on them.

Caleb and I had spent hours writing all over my vans, there was lots of random things written on them with love hearts and ‘I love you’ drawn on in Caleb’s writing. “Here put this on too” he stated giving me one of his hoodies “Ready?” he asked and I shrugged “Right come on” he said grabbing my hand and opening his door pulling me after him down the hallway to the elevator.

“What do you exactly plan on us doing?” I asked and he smiled “Whatever we want” he answered as the doors opened and we walked into the lobby to hear Jack’s voice “Put your hood up” Caleb whispered and I did as I was told as he did the same. “Keep your head down and walk, don’t even respond if they shout,” he added and we both walked quicker through the lobby to reach the doors and he pulled my hand to run when he got outside.