Where Were You When My Walls Came Falling Down?

Jeremy guided me into the elevator in silence, I dragged my feet receiving a glare from him as he walked out the elevator to our room, and he opened the door waiting for me to walk in. “Where the hell have you been?” he asked ”Town” “I’m going to need more that that! You pissed off with him Jess, this is far from okay!” he shouted at me “We were in town and then we went to where they played warped, it’s a walk from here and that’s all” I snapped. “I really don’t think you’re in any position to snap at me! Your acting like a fucking child and you need to stop it, your lucky I am still here,” he scolded.

“You told me to go” “I meant with Jonathan, not that! Why Caleb?” he asked, “He came after me! I told him to go but he wouldn’t, I never asked him to come!” I explained, “What problem could he solve that I wasn’t able to?” “Nothing we just talked about things” I replied and he waited for me to elaborate. “About that summer, just about things” “Things involving you dating?” “Yeah” I stated and he shook his head.

“That’s my problem!” “What?” I asked ”That!” he snapped, “You just hate Caleb” “Yeah I do because I see where that is heading, he’ll be the downfall of this relationship. For as long as you think there’s an ‘us’ involving you two then the ‘us’ involving you and me will always fall on its ass. You know why you think that there’s an ‘us’ with him? It’s because he will treat you perfect, he wants you to fall back on him; I’ll only ever treat you the way you deserve and I won’t pretend that when you act a bitch your amazing!” he shouted.

“You’ve hated him since you laid eyes on him” “Yeah and he’s never given me a reason not to!” he shouted at me “If you want this to work you need to forget anything you had together! I don’t ask for much, if you want this then you forget you dated him; friends is fine but that summer never gets mentioned again!” he shouted. “No” I stated ”Then we will never work out, you make your decision” he snapped, “So you’re asking me to choose between you?” I asked.

“Yeah I am and I find it completely ridiculous that I have to ask!” he shouted “Don’t come crying to me if you still want him” Jeremy snapped as someone knocked on the door, he ripped it open to reveal Caleb “You left these in my…” he started but Jeremy grabbed him pulling him in the room ripping the bag of cd’s from his hands giving it to me as the door slammed “Jeremy” “Shut up!” he shouted at me.

“I think I’ve been fair to you Caleb, have I not?” Jeremy asked as Caleb shrugged. “Well I’m pleasant to you, I warn you when some guys would just punch you, I don’t start arguments with you and yet you kick me in the guts every time! You refuse to let what you had go,” Jeremy shouted at him. “We’re friends, I know I was wrong for how I acted back then but JJ and I sorted that, I just want to be friends with her” Caleb answered “Then why do you insist on fucking this up for us? Do you think you’re more deserving of her or capable of making her happier?” Jeremy asked and when Caleb didn’t answer straight away I knew we were in trouble.

“So you do? Guys like you take the piss, you care about yourselves and no one else!” “No I don’t!” Caleb argued, “So you care how your making me feel do you? You don’t give 2 fucks, well if you don’t give a fuck about me why should I care about you?” Jeremy shouted as Caleb tried to hold his ground but I could tell he wanted to run.

“Jeremy please don’t” “I said shut up and I’m tired of holding my tongue” Jeremy snapped at me “You’re a child who everyone has always treated like he’s something special and he’s not! Your parents give you what you want and you think you deserve to be treated that way, girls always fell when you asked because you play the cute card but your not entitled to everything! So what your in a band, so am I, doesn’t mean I’m any better than anyone else though!” Jeremy growled at him as Caleb tried not to give away the fact he was scared.

“Jeremy please! It’s not his fault, this is our problem not his” “No he got himself involved and he can deal with the consequences,” Jeremy snapped at me “No! You won’t be happy until you’ve been in a fight with him and he won’t fight with you Jeremy!” I shouted at him “Stay out of this” Jeremy cut back and I shook my head as I pushed Caleb to the door opening it “Just go, we’ll be fine” I reassured shutting it behind him.

“Get back in here!” Jeremy shouted but I stood in front of the door “Remember when we met and I said I hated you? That’s because I thought you were this person!” I shouted at him. “I don’t even know what to do with you anymore! You frustrate me, you’ve got me all wound up,” he admitted looking at the floor as he clenched his fists. Caleb was worried to leave me with him but I knew Jeremy, he got wound up and he picked on the first person his eyes laid on that he disliked; he’d never hit me or hurt me intentionally. He just got himself all wound up and pissed off and then that was it, he’d rage at everything until he’d let it all out and then he’d deal with the problem properly.

“I’m sorry I left but you told me to go and I didn’t know what to do so I just left, as I went to leave Caleb and the guys were walking in. He said hi and I never answered, he asked me what was wrong and I heard Jonathan shout me so I told him to say he’d never seen me and ran into the bathroom. He followed me and we talked in his room before we went out into town, we came back but no one was here and I thought you’d gone back to Florida and we looked everywhere for you” I explained, “Why’d you have to run away?” “Because you shouted at me, I thought you hated me! I thought that was it, I didn’t want to be there while you stormed around the room so I left” I admitted.

“I don’t storm around rooms” “You punched the wall” I cut back “Yeah well I needed to get it out somehow! It was either that or Jonathan and well I like the guy” he reasoned. “Why’d you go off with Caleb though?” he asked, “Because we talked” “Jess come on, I trust you but seriously,” he snapped at me. “Fine, I admitted I missed how I felt back in that summer and we talked about that, I told him what really happened that night and then he got pissed I never told him sooner. Then he told me he could still make me feel the way I did back then and to give him the chance to prove he could, I had nothing else to do so I went with him,” I admitted.

“So I don’t make you feel like he did at all? You went with him? What happened, you had nothing better to do?” he rushed out and I rubbed my forehead “I went into town with him, I had nothing better than to sit around here letting my own thoughts get to me! The others would drag me back to you and you didn’t want me around, you said so yourself! I’d have gone to Flyzik but he’s always busy and well Vinny would be with the others! We went into town, then we went to where we played warped and we just hung out talking and then we went swimming and came back,” I explained. He looked at me his eyes conveying all kids of worry and I sighed “Jeremy I did nothing, don’t you trust me?” I asked and he just stared at me as I closed my eyes “We hugged, we held hands the same way I do with everyone! I was no different with him then I am anyone I know, you know I’m just that sort of person, I treat everyone that way” I reassured and he nodded.

“You never answered me, do I not make you feel like he did?” he repeated “No but…” “What’s so special about him Jess? I try to see it but I can’t, why can’t you just forget him?” he asked as I looked at him and I saw the tears in his eyes. “I don’t want to forget him, I never forget any boy I’ve dated. It’s Caleb, I can’t help the fact I like him; we were close before we dated and that’s all I want to be now” “But why don’t I make you feel the way he did?” he asked again his back to me “It wasn’t him it was me, I used to not care back then, I did what I wanted and I took life as it came and it made me feel different where as now I‘m too worried about things” I explained.

“Why? Do you not feel right with me?” “I don’t know why I do it but I do, where as before I’d just do something now I think about it first, maybe it’s a good thing; maybe you’ve made me grow up and I’m acting my age more than I used to, I don’t know” I admitted. “So he made you feel young and I make you feel old?” “No I make me feel this way, I’m just too worried about things that I probably shouldn’t. I think about the end before the start nowadays, I’m scared to just jump into something” I said, “Are we one of them things?” he asked his voice breaking and I shrugged.

“Jonathan told me what you said to him, are you really that scared?” he asked “Yeah, I’m not ready for this Jeremy and no matter how much you tell me we are I just don’t feel right. When I forget everything I’m happy but I can’t forget forever,” I admitted. “This is why I got pissed with you, I’m frustrated with myself because I don’t know what to say to you and it makes me feel shit. Then what you said about it disappearing, it just got to me, do you have any idea what you’re wishing on us? Families go through that and they’d give anything to be in your position right now but you just want to give it away” he stated as someone knocked at the door.