This Was Never Gonna Be Simple

Oh my God, that was mortifying. Absolutely mortifying. I was sure Ian would have been out for at least another hour. He usually gets sidetracked when he's shopping; goes off and chats with whoever he meets, then comes home without half the things we asked for. And you would have thought the cunt would've knocked! I know it's his house, too, but come on, what if we were planning a surprise party or something for him and needed him out of the way? Yes, a surprise party in August for no reason whatsoever. Shut up, it could happen! It's just as well he didn't walk in about five minutes earlier. That could have left him mentally scarred for life, if you know what I mean.

I tugged my jeans up, still blushing furiously. I really can't believe that just happened. I turned to see Shay trip and almost fall back onto the sofa as he tried to pull his shirt over his head. I didn't want to get dressed yet. I wanted to lie on the sofa, and cuddle for a bit longer. It's nice having the house to ourselves, because we can just crash like that, without anyone passing any remark, or asking what we're doing. It's bliss; we can be as carefree as we like in that moment, knowing that it's just us. Ha, Aled had a gay moment.

I was almost dressed, and Shay already was when Ian came bounding back down the stairs, grinning like the cat that got the cream. Jammy wee bugger. I can't wait until he gets a boyfriend - because there's no way in Hell that boy's straight, or even bisexual, he's the campest guy I've ever met - so we can sit and embarrass him. What would embarrass him most, I wonder? Hm... We could make fun of his sex noises. That would be fun, although I'm not sure if that's taking it a step too far. Nah, it would just be fun.

Ian flopped down onto the sofa, pushing Shay out of the way, his deep black fringe bouncing when he jumped. His eyes flickered between the two of us, and I could tell he was finding it incredibly hard to keep a straight face. Remind me why I let him live with us, again? He didn't last much longer before he burst out laughing, hiding his face in the same cushion Shay had. If he says anything, I'm kicking him out. I don't care what you think, he's leaving. You're just embarrassed he knows you were fucking your boyfriend on the couch while he was gone. I am not! You are. Shut up, brain, you don't run my life. Yes, it does. This isn't helping!

He was still giggling to himself when he re-emerged, making me shoot him an awful glare. What's that saying - if looks could kill?

"Well, lads, looks like you two had...fun when I left, eh?" he smirked, studying my eyes for any trace of a reaction. Well, if he's gonna play that game, I'm just gonna blank him. Dickhead.

Okay, we all know I'm not good at this whole 'ignoring him' thing. I was just about to make a snappy retort, when Shay beat me to it.

"Yeah, we did, actually. Until you came back and ruined it," he laughed, poking his tongue out. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why Shay will always beat me when it comes to dealing with awkward situations. I love that boy.

Obviously, Ian cracked up laughing again, raising his eyebrows suggestively at us, before slipping further down in his seat and cackling at us again. Can I throw him out now, please?