This Was Never Gonna Be Simple

We left the cafe in silence, neither of us uttering a single word. It was a lot to take in, I know, but I hoped Ian would at least try to make small talk, or something to make it just a little less awkward.

He paused just outside the door, running a hand through his messy black hair. He looked stressed out, and I don't blame him. I wanted to let him know that it was okay, that everything would be fine, and at that moment, I was hit by a strong urge to just lean up and kiss him. I couldn't explain why. It felt like I needed to. The logical half of my brain told me that it was a ridiculous idea, that I'd never even met the boy before, but I ignored it. I know this guy. I probably know him more than I know myself.

Going against all reasoning, I leaned up, having to go on my tip toes slightly to reach, and pressed my lips to his gently. He was hesitant at first, probably wondering what the fuck I was doing - I know I was - but he soon relaxed, and letting go of his inhibitions, kissed me back tentatively. It was strange to see him so hesitant. I was supposed to be the nervous one, me being the shy kid, unsure of his every move. But here was Ian, anxious and almost afraid, a million miles away from his aggression in the cafe, and I have to admit, it was really fucking cute.

We pulled away, and I froze for a moment, uncertain of what to do next. I wanted to say something, even something simple such as 'it'll be okay', but I couldn't think of how to phrase it. Nothing I said would come out right, so I gave up entirely, merely offering Ian a small smile in the hopes that he'd get the message. He reciprocated the gesture, and we just stood there, smiling at each other like the sappy twats we are, until we both burst out laughing at how stupid we must have looked.

It all still felt like a dream to me - like at any moment I would wake up and he'd be gone, all of this would be gone, and I'd be left with a pain in my heart, knowing that none of this had ever happened - and I felt an awful sense of foreboding, something in my mind telling me that I may be happy now, but it wasn't going to last.

I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind, trying my best to ignore them, and offering Ian another small smile of encouragement. He seemed to sense my worry, and took my hand in his, squeezing it gently, trying to give me the reassurance he sought himself only minutes ago.

Unbelievably, it worked. I felt like I was fourteen again, sat in my room, talking to thin air, and having thin air talk back, make me laugh, and make me feel loved.

He watched me briefly, before his face broke into a grin. "You never met Shay and Aled then, did you?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head, and he smiled at me, grabbing my hand again, pulling me along.