Say That You Love Me

A Week Later

"Ding, dong, the bitch is gone," Layla cheered, holding tightly to her latte in the little to-go cup from Dunkin Donuts. I rolled my eyes, sipping my latte.

We decided after our final class that we'd celebrate and walk 20 minutes to Dunkin Donuts, to buy crappy over priced lattes. Layla was singing that her roommate, Heather, moved out this morning into the boarding house.

We officially start Christmas Holidays tomorrow and I was leaving for Manhattan to see my Dad the day after tomorrow. I had to call him and get his address, but I was beyond nervous. I would be staying with him until I leave for Sweden on the 15th, four days from today.

My eyes met a basket of flowers sitting on my doorstop. Did Claude get my address? I raced up my steps and passed Layla my latte as I picked up the basket and looked at the card.

Emily,
Will you forgive me? I acted like such a jerk and you deserve flowers everyday!

I love you.
Sidney.

I let my jaw drop open, as I read the card over and over, trying to believe what the card said. I haven't talked to Sid in a week, after I left a paper on his fridge that said I was done with him and if he wanted to act immature, then to find someone else.

I bawled like a baby after I got all my stuff loaded into my Jeep. I drove back home at 10 at night, and didn't get home until 5 that morning.

TK and I talked about all the possibilities and he said basically for me to do what I wanted, not to please anyone else but me. Forget what Sid wants, do what I need for me.

"What happened?" Layla asked after she swiped the card from my hand and read it herself. I finally got my door unlocked and got inside, setting the flowers on my island and smelling them.

They were gorgeous, my favorite flowers, Tiger lilies. I sat on the stool and looked at the little stone inside that said 'Iloveyou' on it. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

"Emily," She snapped her fingers in my face, setting my latte in front of me. I blinked my eyes and looked up at her. "What is this? What happened?"

I sighed, not really wanting to explain all this to her. She'd demand I call Sid up because we are hot together and I didn't know what I wanted to do. It's been a week and she didn't know.

"Nothing, we got in an argument, don't worry about it," I growled, sipping my latte. I rested my hand on my stomach and was amazed when I was feeling a small pouch forming.

It explained my choice of outfit today, loose fitting jeans, my UGGs and my Penn State hoodie. I was determined to not let anyone know the truth. I would start my life completely over when I finally had my baby.

"Don't worry about it," She repeated, sitting on the stool beside me. "Emily, you are my best friend, Sid and I are friends too, I want to help you," Great. I rolled my eyes, my focus still on the petals of the flowers. "I mean, I always thought you and Sid would fall in love and get married and have gorgeous babies and live happily ever after, you know, like a fairytale,"

"Life isn't like a fairytale," I shot down her speech. I was in a bitch mood today. I hated life and wanted to just go away for a while. The whole fight with Sid and Jake not talking to me or acknowledging me for a week was really hurting. "Look, we'll work this out, on our own, we just hit a snag," She went to open her mouth when I glared at her. "Layla, please, I am not a child, this is between Sid and I,"

"Fine," She suddenly got pissed off and grabbed her latte. "When you calm the hell down and stop being such a bitch, give me a call," She let the door slam on her way out. I sighed heavily, resting my head on the island counter and started sobbing into the granite. Great, first Jake, then Sid, now Layla. Wow, I am just amazing today.

"Dad," I sighed into my phone after I grabbed my lady balls and called his number. I haven't talked to my Dad since I got the call from my Mom.

He and I were close when I was little, he was my best-friend and when he cheated on my Mom, I felt like he betrayed not only her, but me too, and I was angry at him. "Everything is falling apart," I cried, wiping my eyes on my hoodie.

"What's the matter sweetie?" His voice no matter how far away I was; always calmed me down. "It's been a while since we talked,"

"I miss you," I huffed. "I want to come see you and talk to you," I didn't know about his fiancé, how I'd feel about her. She was 22 years old and I didn't think that was okay, for any grown man his age to do.

"Bunny, I'd love that," I thought I heard his voice crack. I lost it and bawled when he called me 'bunny', my nickname he gave me as a baby, which carried through my entire life so far. "Carrie, and you and I can all go out to supper,"

"Carrie?" Sounded like a slut's name. This must be the bitch who is going to marry my Dad, and become my step-mom. "You're new..." I stopped and coughed discreetly. "Woman," It came out extremely bitter.

"Fiancé," He corrected me. I scoffed. "Emily, you're going to love her, she was a dancer like you,"

"Stripper and ballet are two different things, Dad," I spat. There was a silence on the other end. "I'm sorry Dad, look; I'll be in Manhattan on Tuesday to see you,"

"I'd like that," He said lightly. A few other things were exchanged before I hung up and crawled up the stairs to my bed. I had my suitcases out and on the floor to start packing, for Manhattan and Sweden. I was a little bummed to be leaving this place, I loved it so much. I was determined to pack it all tomorrow while Jake and Layla were gone for Boston and Jersey.

- - - - -

I sat cross-legged in the middle of my bedroom, with a big cardboard box in front of me and a box of tissues by my knee. One by one, I threw articles of my clothing into the box and I felt like part of my heart was going into the box.

I had so many memories with Sid here, back when we were okay, but I now felt like we would never be okay… ever again. I was planning to just not answer him back or call him and just leave it the way it is. Why bother reconciling when I'm never going to see him again?

I grabbed a picture off my end table of Sid and me at his parent’s house, for a dinner over the summer. I took it out of the frame and tore it up, throwing it into an envelope with Sid's address on it. Anything of Sid's I came across will be mailed back to him. It may be the cowards’ way out, but I just couldn't face him.

I found picture after picture of us and one by one, I tore them up into little pieces. My necklace he recently gave me joined them in the envelope and soon, I had everything packed and sitting by the door for the morning.

Cobus was pissed when I took down his habitat and packed it up, putting it in a cardboard box for Sid. I took the flowers he sent me, and set them on the box.

The entire time it took me to pack everything up, I was crying and I felt upset. I felt like my life was falling apart. I was amazed at how fast my life fell apart, within two months. All because I got pregnant.

I took most of the boxes out and put them in my Jeep. I put the backseats down and used the extra spots for the boxes.

Cobus was going to be in a carrier, that I'd put on my passenger seat. He would definitely be coming with me, but I didn't know about taking him back to Sweden with me.