Say That You Love Me

Three Weeks Later

"Are you sure you chose the right thing?" Mom casually started up what she hoped to be a meaningful conversation. I huffed, really not wanting to talk about this. I was beyond showing my pregnant belly underneath a white bubble puff top. I was amazed at how big I was getting and I've only been back home in Skelleftea for about three weeks. Dad and I left it on an okay note, and so far, he's been the only one to call in and check on me.

Layla and Jake would probably be back from break by now, well last week probably, because tomorrow would be the day we were supposed to go to Aspen. I was kinda hoping and praying that they actually would e-mail or call to see how Iam. I know I was a bitch to them, but I wanted them to still want to care about me...

I huffed, running my hands along my belly. "Mom, please..." Imagine the look on my Moms usually pale face when I showed up on her doorstep pregnant and practically homeless. She was not impressed and she still isn't. "Iam sure I chose the right thing, we just weren't as perfect as I thought we were," I didn't necessarily tell my Mom that Sid and I broke up, because of the two reasons, I was pregnant and he got in a fight with a guy at the bar; I chose the casual 'we just found out we weren't compatible'.

"When you have that baby, regardless if you and Sidney get along, that baby needs their father," She was preaching and it seemed like that's all she wanted to do. I got up off the couch and headed for the door.

Mom owned a lakehouse in Skelleftea, we lived 20 minutes out of the city and there was a trail that Matt and I used to take all the time to get to town or just to go for a walk and it always soothed me. I grabbed my coat off the rack and fought it on. "Emily, where are you going?"

"Just.. out," I sighed, opening the door and stepping onto the porch. I dug in my pockets for my mitts and hat and put them on. The house was gorgeous in the winter time; it was a soft ashy amber colour, with dark green shutters and a grey and blue concrete walkway and steps.

I headed down the steps and walked to the back of the house, to get to the trail. The lake was frozen over, and a small group of what looked like 13-14 year olds were skating on it, playing ice hockey. Damn. Everything reminded me of Sidney.

I decided to just look at my feet as they pushed their way through the snow. I couldn't wear my UGGs here, with all the snow, so I was wearing a thick pair of legit snow boots with a fur trim around the ankles, securing my pant legs inside.

I left home when I was 15, and everything still looks the same. We still have the same neighbours, Mr and Mrs. Hamsonn about two miles up the road. I got on the trail and walked it through the woods, contemplating everything that was lingering in my mind.

Was leaving really the best choice I could've made? What if I were to say to Sidney that I was pregnant, I mean, if he loved me like he claimed, why wouldn't he want to keep the baby?

There was just everything on my mind that I could think about. I felt so horrible for leaving, but I promised my Dad that once I had my baby, I'd come back and stay with him. I highly doubted I'd stay with them persay, because Carrie was a fucking tool, but I didn't want to upset my Dad.

The only real reason I was in Sweden, was A: I'm from here. This is my home. And B: The Press. I didn't want Sidney to know about the baby until I could face him. If I know my luck, the baby will come out identical to him and I can't fake saying the baby is someone else's.

I knew once I was showing, there would be pictures all over the place. I would be close to 4 months about now, but I wouldn't really know until I seen my doctor. I had Dr. Exler fax all my information over to my doctor in Sweden. When I seen Dr. Exler he said I conceived back sometime either in August or September, but really can't tell.

I finally worked my way back to my Mom's house and got inside, not hearing the signs of life when I kicked off my snowy boots and put my coat back on the rack.

I walked through the house, grabbing my phone off the coffee table and walking through the house. Mom wasn't anywhere, so I assumed she either went to work or was at the neighbors. I scrolled through my inbox; coming up to a recent message sent about 10 minutes before I got home.

TK:

Princess, Sidney is still flipping his shit. I know you're for sure not on a fucking vacation. Where are you?

I sank into the arm chair, putting my feet up on the arm and grabbing my laptop from where my phone was sitting.

I texted him back, basically telling him rates to text internationally are very expensive and I'd prefer talking over the IM program on my laptop.

I lifted the lid up and logged on, opening the IM program called iChat.

He was already logged on and had sent me a message. I rolled my eyes, keeping the chat open on the side while I was absent mindedly going through pictures of Sid and I on my laptop. I didn't really have the heart to delete them, so I hid them in a folder on my desktop.

TK86: What is going on? I mean, where are you? Sid has been freaking out since he found out your condo is empty.

Wait, what? Fuck. He wasn't supposed to find my condo empty. That wasn't part of the plan. He's not supposed to know I'm gone. He's supposed to think I'm still living my idiotic life in Buffalo and I just broke it off with him.

EM91: Wait... He went to my condo? Why?

TK86: Well, he thought you were hurt or had been kidnapped, so he took off during practice. Danny was pissed off, he missed a game in LA just to find your condo empty and you had left. So, it's time for the truth... Where exactly are you?

What can I tell him? Do I tell him the truth? I guess now everyone knows I'm not in Buffalo.

EM91: Uhh... well I was in Manhattan seeing my Dad and now I'm in Sweden and I've been thinking about staying.

TK86: Oh no Emily, no you are not. You are going to come back to America, if I have to drag you kicking and screaming.

EM91: Ty, listen... I can't face Sid, not after what I did. I just don't know how to explain what I did...

I left iChat open and set my laptop on the coffeetable when I left to make a hot cup of lemon tea. It was freezing outside, and it felt like an igloo inside.

Mom hasn't got the guy to come over to fix the furnace so it was undeniably cold inside. I heard the sounds of my messages popping up on iChat.

I quickly got my cup and grabbed a freshly baked muffin out of a basket sitting on the table. Rosetta, our housekeeper must've made them this morning.

I set everything on the coffeetable and sat down comfortably, underneath it, turning my laptop to face me. Two new messages were up in our chat.

TK86: Emily, whatever it is you did, it can't be as bad as you leaving him... I mean, you should see him. He hasn't left his bed; nor showered in three days and now he's telling Danny he wants to quit.

TK86: If you tell me, I will do whatever it takes to make it better.

I sighed, sipping my tea and wrapping myself up in a blanket. I couldn't even begin to fathom what I turned Sid into. He was once a fun loving, sweetheart and now he was depressed.

And the fact he wanted to give up hockey... that's his life. He's wanted to be in the NHL since he was just a child. I didn't know what to think about this.

EM91: What? NO! Tell Sid I will not allow this. I can't go on knowing I'm responsible for this. Ty, I don't know... I sound like a bitch if you actually even knew. You can't tell Sid, I have to know I can trust you not to say anything to him. I've worked too hard to keep this a secret.

TK86: I have and he said he's done. He's got a meeting with Danny tomorrow, I will keep you updated. Em, you're practically my sister, I love you and I care about you. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I won’t tell Sid.

I sucked in a deep breath, wiping the tears from under my eyes. Can I trust him? What if he tells Sid? Good lord. I can't even stomach this shit.

EM91: I'm pregnant.

He took a few minutes to respond and that's when I started to get worried. He was judging me, wasn’t he? Well fuck him; he doesn't understand the whole story. I munched nervously on the muffin awaiting his reply.

TK86: Son of a bitch, really? What's so bad about that? I mean... you've been together a year, sure you aren't living together, but you guys could make it work.

Wow. He took it a lot better than I had originally expected.

EM91: Ty, it's complicated. I knew Sid didn't want kids, and I didn't want to put my baby through Sid not wanting them right now, so I left. I know I'm a cold-hearted bitch... I know Ty, but I did what was best for my baby.

I absent mindedly rested my hand on my belly. I didn't really understand if Ty was going to keep my secret. I hoped so.