Say That You Love Me

[A Year Later - Present]

The radio in the car was fuzzy as I was trying to keep it steady on the busy highway. I was on my way home from Buffalo Niagra International Airport after dropping him off and trying to hold back the tears that were now free falling down my face. I hated crying infront of him and it wasn't because I didn't want him to see me cry, I didn't want him to see how much I really and truly needed him around.

I softly sobbed, removing a hand off the steering wheel and wiping under my eyes, hearing the song on the radio switch off and go directly to ESPN, which I quickly turned up filling the car with the sounds of the announcers voice.

"It's been a busy day in Pittsburgh, today, hasn't it Joy?" Dan, the host spoke to his co-host Joy Thompson. "Sidney Crosby wasn't present for practice this morning, and when Dan Bylsma the head-coach was questioned on it, he simply replied 'he's with family' so one can only assume he's in Buffalo again" I slowly let a smile curl onto my lips when I turned my car onto an overpass. I was about 25 minutes from home. I lived in a 2 bedroom townhouse in the Chamomille Village, downtown Buffalo.

"What's in Buffalo? The fans want to know... well, Sidney Crosby has been swept up into the arms of Emily Miller, the daughter of Alex Miller and Alaina Markstrom," I rolled my eyes and switched off the sports, sliding in a mix CD I had made a few weeks ago and cranked up the first song entitled 'Screamin' by German pop-punk band Tokio Hotel. One concert in Hamburg and I was hooked on them. Gustav, the drummer had to be the sweetest guy I have ever met in my life.

I sang along softly, looking into my backseat where Cobus, my two-year old Himalayan cat lay in a ball sleeping.

I know I'm supposed to put a harness on him but I have a blanket that he can fall onto. I wasn't singing at the top of my lungs because I didn't want to face the agitated look from Cobus when he was woke up.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally pulled my orange coloured Jeep Wrangler into the parking spot below my townhouse.

I looked up at the red brick and creme coloured trim that warmly welcomed me home. I hadn't been home since after eight o'clock this morning, so I was prepared to crash when I finally climbed up the six steps and got inside the wooden double doors.

I gathered up my articles putting them in my tote as my hand brushed across the fabric of something in the cupholder.

I grabbed it seeing 'Penguins Hockey' across the top of the cap. I frowned, sliding it into my bag and glancing into the backseat where Cobus was now sitting up, looking at me irritated because I woke him up. I slid my bag onto my shoulder, stuffed my Starbucks to-go cup into my bag and shut my door as I opened up the back and grabbed up Cobus who growled his unhappiness into my ear.

I stuffed the key into the door and opened it, stepping inside smelling the mango-mandarin plug-in I had set beside the door. Cobus jumped out of my arms and ran into the living room off the kitchen when I hung my purse up on the coat rack with my black Bench jacket and walked into the kitchen, my to-go cup clutched in my grip.

I turned on the light and looked over the halfwall at Cobus curled up in his Pittsburgh themed cat habitat, at the very top. I rolled my eyes and looked down at the sink, rinsing the tea out of it as I sat it upside down and walked straight from the sink up the stairs
.
I was going to crash. First door on the right off the staircase was my bedroom, but I had two bedrooms just incase my brother or sister come visit, because they live far away and end up staying the night.

My sister who was the oldest out of me and my brothers; was 26 just turning 27 in February and she had packed everything up and left our home when she was 16 to pursue a career in runway modelling. Before we knew it, she was living in Melbourne, Australia and had met a guy named Jeff Simms and had their son, Carter within two years. Carter was now five. Her and Jeff Simms got married a year ago in Barbados and I was a bridesmaid.

On the other hand of things; my brother Matt, the middle child being 24, pursued a dream of playing in the NFL so much he packed up his stuff and went to a boarding school in California. From there he played College ball for UCLA and got drafted for the New England Patriots and was the youngest Defensive Linebacker for the Patriots being 18 when he was signed to a 6-year contract.

My brother met a girl named Allie and he's been with her for the past year, but I really don't see it going anywhere because Matt is not the commitment type and she cheats on him constantly but he never really finds out because he lives in MA and she lives in Buffalo, in an apartment complex twenty minutes away from me. They met through me, which I apologize for everyday of my life.

A bunch of friends from Buffalo State College where I attend were having a Halloween party, so naturally I was all for that because any chance to dress up and get wasted was fine by me. I'm not an alcoholic, I just enjoy a snifter of alcohol every now and then.

I got out of my clothes, pulled on pjs and climbed in under the nice, warm covers. I reached my arm out of the covers and turned off the lamp beside my bed and snuggled in deep, wrapping the covers over my head.

Click. Click. Click. Suddenly, a giant weight dropped onto my stomach. I shot out of bed, and felt my heart speed up when Cobus rolled off his back onto his stomach and padded up to me, nuzzling my cheek.

"Goodnight Cobus," I stroked his head, hearing his purring as I laid back down, my heart slowing it's pace. Cobus snuggled in beside me, curling up on my arm, telling me I wasn't getting it back even if I tried my hardest. The sound of his snoring was evident as my body relaxed and I started to drift off to sleep.

~&

I slowly opened my eyes up to meet two glazing blue ones staring at me, while Cobus sat on my stomach and stared at me. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, sending Cobus to the comforter that was all twisted and contorted, with my feet hanging out on the mattress. I ran my fingers through my overcomb to the pony I had put in my hair last night before grabbing my Android off the endtable and turned the screen on, coming up with two messages.
One was from Jake:

Hey chica, wanna meet up for coffee at 11? Tonys Coffeehouse on 66th and Main.

We had graduated first year Biology with an 88 for me and a 85 for him and got put in the same second year Bio class, so we were immediately Bio partners and when a new girl named Layla Jones came waltzing in, her hair the colour of a firetruck with a ring through her nose, we immediately offered her a spot in our group when everyone else shunned her. People are bitches.

Jake and I were practically brother and sister now and Laylas slowly becoming a permanent member of our group.

The other was from him:

Good morning :) dont you forget to eat before you leave!

I crawled out of bed, knocking the comforter to the floor as I went into my attached bathroom and turned on the shower, putting my hair into a clip. Cobus padded in behind me, rubbing himself on the backs of my legs. Cobus was such a sweet cat.

I picked him up and carried him back into my room to grab my clothes out. It was my day off without classes, so I was probably going to run all my errands today while I had the free time on my hands.

I sat Cobus on my bed next to my black skinnies, grey v-neck and white cardigan. He purred as I discarded my clothes, and walked into the shower, shutting the door and washing myself up. I randomly sang a chorus of 'ooohs and la-las,' but I was nothing to rave about. Singing was definitely not in my career path.

I had a future in modelling but once I met him, I set it to the side and got on the path to getting my degree in Journalism. I wanted to write for a big time newspaper or magazine.

I turned off the shower and wrapped myself in a towel as I pranced out into my room; Cobus was still sitting on my bed in a ball conveniently ontop of my black skinnies.

"Cobus, you're going to get your nasty hair all over my pants," I whined, grabbing the leg and pulling them. Cobus meowed and jumped off the bed, running out of my room. He was obviously pissed off at me.

I put on my vneck and my skinnies and moved back into the bathroom, wiping the condensation off the mirror and looking at the two blue eyes staring back at me.

I quickly washed up my face and pulled my hair down from the clip, seeing the loose curls in my honey blonde hair framing my heart shaped face. I ran my fingers through the right parted overcomb and applied hairspray to help keep it's shape. I grabbed up the mascara as my phone began ringing.

I ran back into my room and grabbed the cordless off my endtable, hitting the 'talk' button. "Hello," I greeted, walking back into the bathroom, continuing my make-up.

"Hey Em," Jake laughed, shuffling around. "I was checking to see if you got my message and was into going for coffee this morning? Laylas over right now and she's all ready to go," Ofcourse Layla would be over at his house. Layla had a huuuge thing for Jake, that she couldn't wait to tell me about. Jake said he didn't really think of her in that light, but I knew he thought she was totally cute.

"I'm getting ready right now," I sat it on the counter, turning it to speaker and continuing my make-up. I always put my bronzer under my eyes, a tip I learned from my modelling agent; it helps to have a natural complexion and bring your eyes out more. "What time are we meeting at?" I topped off my mascara and leaned into the mirror making sure it wasn't all clumped up.
"Well, I was hoping 11 because Layla has a class at 1," He sighed. I grabbed the phone off the counter after applying lipbalm to my plump, heart-shaped lips.

"I'll be there, Tony's?" I asked, walking out of the bathroom, shutting off the light and grabbing my comforter off the ground and tossing it onto my bed as I grabbed my cardigan and hurried down the stairs, pulling it on.

I pulled my hair out from under it, letting it out onto my chest. It came to my middle back and I never did anything with it, it had a natural shape to it. I curled it once in a while to reshape them.

"Yupp. Layla and I will head over there now, so we'll see you in a few," He abruptly hung up. I set it on the counter and moved to the front door, sliding my feet into my tan coloured ankle Uggs and grabbed my Bench jacket off the rack.

I slid my scarf around my neck and lifted my bag up, sliding my Android into the front pocket. I turned over my shoulder at Cobus sitting in his habitat.

"Bye Cobus, be a good boy," I blew him a kiss and shut the door, locking it up as I skipped down the steps and began my walk to Tony's. It was a ten minute walk from here, and I usually walked unless I had to get groceries or do travelling or pick him up or drop him off at the airport which was kinda often.

For it being the middle of November, it was actually really nice out even thought there was snow on the ground and some falling down. I came from Skelleftea which was the second largest city in Sweden and my first winter in New York, I had no idea what to expect. Sweden was much colder and it snowed in September.

I had moved to Buffalo when I was 15 and went to a boarding school, from there I moved into my own townhouse and started at Buffalo State College. I did some modelling on the side to pay for my tuition but it was all back in Sweden when I'd go during the summer and part of me really hoped some of the photos I did, wouldn't surface.

I kinda thought it was a little funny that my brother, sister and I all left home really young and yet we are taking really good care of ourselves. Farrahs modelling, Matts playing pro-ball and I'm going to College.

I passed by a store on the way called 'Everything Halloween' and it brought a smile to my face. Our one year anniversary just passed about a week ago. We ended up getting together on Halloween, but officially talking about it the day after when I could take him seriously because of the face paint and lipstick and I wasn't dressed like a complete hoebag.

We weren't able to celebrate last weekend, but when he gets his next weekend off, we'd celebrate. I wasn't one of those girlfriends who bitched him out when he missed something, he's a hockey player, he has a very intense schedule of games and practices and I knew what I was getting myself into.

When he showed up to coffee the next morning after his practice, he still had some of the white paint in the corners of his eyes and by his ears and some smeared across his forhead and he was just so adorable, that I couldn't look away from him. I was completely unsure that this was real and I kept pinching my wrist under the table to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

It's not that I think I'm ugly or worthless or any of that stuff, I just don't see why a guy like him would be with me, when girls with huge boobs and have IQs the same as a toaster were knocking down his door and somehow, he wanted me.

I unravelled my scarf and pulled open the door to Tony's, surveying the area for Jakes curly blonde hair and Layla's fire engine red hair that stuck out like a sore thumb; ten bucks they were at the back by the bay window and book rack.

I slowly walked through the building, getting looks from everyone around me as I put my scarf into my bag and undone my jacket. Everyone around me knew me and knew who I was with. Actually, it's because of him that everyone recognizes me.

"Over here!" Jake announced, popping up from the other end of the till, accepting three steaming mugs and handing the keep a bill, mumbling a 'thankyou' as I walked up to him. He slid a large green mug into my hand. "Two creams and three sugars, right?" He asked, pointing at the cup.

"Actually it's the other way around, but you're so sweet!" I gave him a quick side hug as he ushered me back to one of the round tables, his arm secured around my waist. Layla had a People magazine clenched in her grip, her brown eyes reading the page. "Hey Layla," I smiled, sliding my bag onto the back of my chair and ditching my cardigan. I was surprised the heat was already turned on in here.

"Hey," She mumbled, her eyes never leaving the page she was reading. "I did not know people cared that much," She slowly put the book down and glanced up at me, her red hair blazing like the rouge on her cheeks.

She was a very unique individual, but I think that's what I love about Layla Jones, she wasn't afraid to speak her mind and be different. She had a liquid paper white face, bright red lipstick and red rouge on her cheeks, her brown eyes layered in black eyeliner and green eyeshadow. As bizarre as that sounds, it actually looked good on her.

"Cared about what?" I asked, sipping the coffee out of my cup. I slid my phone out on the table before me and accepted the People magazine from Layla. It was the newest issue just out this morning, so it had all the latest juicy gossip in it. The cover had Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, I mean, for an old chick she actually looked pretty good.

I glanced down at the headline Jake motioned to when he slid over to look at it with me. Trouble in Paradise? I looked at the picture of Sidney Crosby walking out of an airport, lugging his suitcase with him, his nose in his phone.

"Sidney Crosby, the leagues leading goal scorer was spotted walking out of a Sewickley airport, off a flight from Buffalo, NY where he spent the weekend with his girlfriend, Emily Miller, the daughter of Alex Miller; the owner of Miller Real Estate based in Berlin, Germany but spread across the Continentel US, and Aliana Markstrom, former Miss Sweden, Miss Universe and former supermodel, now entrepreneur.

Sidney dragged his luggage out to his Evoque and loaded it in the back, slamming down the hatch before climbing in the drivers seat. We had tried to press for questions, but he declined saying he was running late for practice. He seemed a little on edge, so one can only assume Edney is offically split up and Sidney Crosby is back on the market."

"When the hell did he get an Evoque?" I asked, finishing off the article and putting the book down as Jake grabbed it and read it over. "Last time he said he was content with this dinky little truck he's had since he got his stupid license and now he's got a fucking Evoque, why the hell haven't I seen this?" I wasn't really all that worried about the article, according to the media, we've split up 7 times in the past two months. If that was true, I probably wouldn't be with him now.

"Because he always comes and sees you," Jake mumbled behind the magazine. "God, look at you two," He curled the left side of the book back and pointed at the picture at the corner of the page. At the NHL Awards last year, he took home the Mark Messier Leadership award and they got us together with his award.

"That dress is hot," He ran his bitten-down fingers across the creme coloured form-fitting strapless dress I was wearing. I had bright yellow peep-toe pumps on my feet but the picture only showed me from the knees up. I was tucked into Sids side, his arm wrapped tightly around me; his hand on my hip.

"Sid thought so too," I gushed, taking the article, keeping the piece folded back. I looked over the suit he was wearing that made him look gorgeous. The caption said: Sidney Crosby and his girlfriend, Emily Miller at the 2010 NHL Awards. "He helped me pick it out,"

"Sid is gorgeous," Layla interjected, biting into a piece of her carrot muffin. I smiled at her, sipping from my cup. "I mean honestly, when I met him the first time I couldn't say anything, he was so hot," She mumbled with a mouthful of muffin and turned to Jake who was rolling his eyes.

"What did you think about him?" I quickly looked over at them. Sid and I have been dating for a year now and I really wanted this relationship to go somewhere. Personally, I could care less what anyone thought about us, but part of me really did care especially when it came to my friends/family, with whom I've spent my life with and who know me better than I know myself.

"He's a douche," Jake replied bluntly. Layla and I quickly reached across the table and punched him in the chest as hard as we could. "OW!" He covered the spot we punched and glared viciously at us. "Well he is, okay, I don't like him," He spat back at us. Jake/Sid have always had issues between them, simply because of the Halloween party.

Jake thinks Sid isn't good enough and Sid thinks Jake is a douchebag who wants in my pants. I refuse to choose between them and Sid says he's not going to make me, but the second he hears Jake has done anything/tried anything, that's when shit's hitting the fan.

I dropped open my jaw. "How can you not like him, he is gorgeous!" Layla shouted. "God, I practically hump his leg when he comes here and you are all Mr.Anti-Social, hiding in the back glaring daggers at the poor guy," I knew Layla looved Sid and Sid thought she was a sweet girl, but I knew nothing would ever happen between them. Layla's not that kinda person and I trust both of them.

"That's okay, Sid doesn't really care for him either," I wore a smug expression and watched the anger form in Jakes eyes. Sid tolerates him because he's my friend and my lab partner, but only because of that. Jake, on the other hand, he chose to be a douche to Sid, he never tried to be nice, even when it was important.

"Why the hell not? Iam nothing but nice to him," Jake defended himself. I scoffed behind my hand. Jake called him a prick the second Sid's back was turned and badmouthed him all the time, even though Sid got both Jake and I VIP tickets to sit in the press box at a Pens/Sabres game and even then Jake was picking on him, but once we went to the locker room he was all buddy-buddy with him but I knew Sid saw through it. I wished Jake could tell Sid how he felt about him to his face so I didn't have to hear about it.

"Are you gonna run after him screaming 'why wont you love me?'?" Layla laughed. I reached over for a quick nerdy hi-five, seeing Jake glare behind our gesture.

"NO!" Jake yelled over our laughter, that continued as he glared, pulling out his BlackBerry. "I got football practice in twenty minutes," He growled, turning his angry blue eyes up at both of us. Layla and I were now on one side of the table and Jake was by himself on the other side.

Jake played J-V football at Buffalo State College, where both Layla and I attended. He was one of the star quarterbacks and he definitely was built to play football. He kinda reminded me of Rob Gronkowski, the TightEnd for the New England Patriots but with curly blonde hair. We were the Buffalo State Bengals.

"I'm still coming to practice, right?" Layla asked, sipping her coffee. If I was going to go his practice, which is what usually happened, I'd have to grab something to eat or else I'd surely pay for it later.

I'm a border-line diabetic, having a condition called Reactive Hypoglycemia, so I just need to keep my diet in check and exercise and I should be okay for the most part. I had a Medic-Alert bracelet sitting on my right wrist, that I cannot take off, it had my name, my condition, and my doctors name on it.

"Yeah, it's open, so you guys can sit in the bleachers," He glanced over at me. "Emily, you are coming right?" See. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed heavily.

"Do I have a choice?" I asked, getting a balled-up napkin chucked at my face from Jake, which I took as a 'no'. I got up, dug change out of my pocket and grabbed a chocolate-chip muffin out of the display case as my phone began vibrating in my pocket.

"Hello," I smiled, handing the teller my change and accepting the muffin in an adorable little paper bag. I loved everything about this coffee house. The gourmet coffee was I think the best part. They had this coffee made with swiss coffee beans and it was seriously the best thing the world has ever experienced. It was expensive but it was sooo worth it.

"You'll never believe what just happened at practice!" Sid bellowed, causing a goonish smile to appear on my face. "Okay, so, you know how Geno was blabbing about this toad he done the deed with the other night, right?"

Sid was such a chick sometimes but that's why we worked so well together. Geno or Evgeni Malkin called me up the night Sid came over and said he slept with this girl, but didn't know her name and she was passed out in his tub and he didn't know what to do about it. I told him to take her, pin a warning note to the next guy and leave her on a park bench.

Kidding, I told him to wake her up, get her info and drive her home, it was the gentelmanly thing to do. Ofcourse, once I heard about that, it kinda made me think that Sid was doing that kinda stuff too, like hooking up with random girls while I wasn't with him. I had asked Geno and he said 'Sid stays in when we go out', Sid is the only guy out of his buddies to be in a relationship besides Flower, but his girlfriend lives with him... so he doesn't count.

"Ohmygod, what happened?" I sat back down in my chair and slid the paper bag into my tote, grabbing out my scarf. "Start from the beginning, don't leave anything out," Layla mouthed 'Sid' to Jake who rolled his eyes and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair.

"Well he, I guess, woke her up and drove her home and she was still kinda drunk so she invited him in and he slept with her again! He was totally sober and he comes waltzing into practice twenty minutes late, prouder than a peacock. Danny jumped down his throat," Sid laughed, the sound ringing through my system like a church bell. "I guess Genos going out to lunch with her today,"

"Soo cute," I gushed, running my bang back across my head. "Are you joining them?" Geno/Sid had a thing where twice a week they'd go out to lunch after practice and I knew if Geno had a girlfriend, Sid would be the first to meet her next to TK and Flower. I knew I'd be meeting her eventually.

"Ew no, are you serious? I don't wanna be there," He gasped out. I bit back the laughter, putting my phone between the side of my head and shoulder as I slid my scarf around my neck and grabbed my cardigan. "We'll have to double date sometime if this one actually sticks around," Geno had horrible luck with girls, they'd date for a month and then make an excuse and leave.

I was there when his last girlfriend left him, they dated for 4 months and she packed her stuff and left him a note. I ate ice cream and watched break-up movie after break-up movie with him in our pjs. He was such a sweetheart and I really want him to find somebody who sees him like I do.

"We will," I beamed. I loved going out on double dates; we always went out with Flower and Gemma whenever I went to Sewickley, but it was a rarity because of their games and my classes. It sucked.

Part of me wanted to drop out and just move there. "I'm going to Jakes practice," I shared. I never lied to Sid about spending time with Jake, so he had no reason to think we were fooling around. I will admit, I kind of had a thing for Jake when Sid and I were just friends, but I kinda let it all go when we started dating. I honestly, would probably be the last person to cheat on their boyfriend.

"Whatcha doing later on?" He asked, changing the subject. This was common for Sid to do when Jake was brought up and I usually never pressed the subject. I just wanted Sid to know I was going.

"After Jakes practice, I have to finish my chem assignment and then Layla and I might be lounging around in front of the TV," I glanced over at them, seeing they were both staring at me. I stood up, grabbing my jacket and following after Jake who practically ran out of the coffee house. I stopped so Layla could help me put on my coat. I done up the zipper and slid my bag back up my shoulder as we stepped outside, seeing the snow falling from the sky and landing on our faces.

Layla pulled a blue knit cap onto her head over her red curls and I mimicked with an orange one, covering my brown messy hair. I loved having messy hair, that I didn't need to do to much with.

"Shit, I forgot to give you your present," Sid cursed. "I just found it in my duffel," ...ohmygod, I forgot to get him something! Note to self: Buy Sid present after Jakes practice. Honestly, he flew in Friday afternoon and left Saturday night, we barely did anything for our anniversary so I was hoping to plan something big for the next time he comes down.

"Oooh, you bought me a present?" I beamed, twirling some hair around my finger. Jake was walking like twenty paces ahead of us and Layla started yelling that we aren't his concubines.

"Well yeah, it's been a year, so I think I should congratulate you on putting up with me for that long," He chuckled. Is it bad that most of our 1 year relationship was him on away games and I'm still here in Buffalo?

I thought at the start of our relationship that we wouldn't be able to make it with the distance, but I really cared about him and I wanted us to last and my feelings didn't change at the 6 month mark and the distance between us really made it better when we finally got to see eachother. It was like nothing else mattered to me.

We'd hug eachother and just stand there, basking in the moment and we'd walk off out into the parking lot talking non-stop even when there was silence it was still the kind that you loved and he'd break it with his adorable laughter or take up my hand in his. "I picked it out just for you, well Geno helped," Ofcourse Geno helped.

I emailed him a picture of a pendant I was looking at and was thinking of buying a couple days ago. I had no intentions of him giving it to Sid, I just wanted his opinion. "I hope I got the right one, I was so confused,"

"We need to do something for our anniversary, Sid," I whined, tugging on the ends of my hair. Even as far as dinner/movie would please me. I'm not a flashy person, and I don't need the five-star treatment to be happy and Sid knew it. I may come from money, I may have a huge inheritence that I could live comfortably with, but Iam so far from being a rich bitch.

"We do, shit, and I'm so backed up this month that I barey have anytime off," He sighed. I frowned. "Don't worry Em, we'll get together sometime," Sid would probably squeeze in a visit between games when they go on the road where I'd see him for only a few hours.

"I hope so, I miss you..." I whispered. Were Sid and I at the 'I love you' part in our relationship? Not right now. I know we've been dating for a year, but it doesn't feel like it b/c we've been far from eachother.