Screaming Over the Sound

|

The sun shone brightly down on the crowds gathered to be a part of Warped Tour.

“I can’t deal with this right now, Ryland. Can I call you back?” Alex asked, pacing just off stage with his cell phone to his ear. The last band had finished, it was his cue to go. The crowd was going wild in anticipation and Jack was getting them hyped up by simply pacing the front, outreaching his hands so the fans could touch.

He knew that he sounded harsh, especially with his girlfriend – his other half – on the verge of tears on the other end of the phone, but he had an obligation to hundreds of fans. He had a job to do, a crowd to play for, a group of boys relying on him to deliver as best he could. A phone call from Ryland was the last thing he needed, especially at such a terrible time.

He heard silence from his phone speaker. Nothing. He’d said the wrong thing. “Ry-“

“Don’t bother, Alex. Just forget I even called, okay. Have a good show.” Her words were too precise, too fine-edged for him to be comfortable leaving their phone call as it was, but it was too late. She’d hung up and probably tossed her phone aside already.

Hitting redial, Alex waited until he caught her voice mailbox. “I’m sorry, Ryland. It’s just bad timing. Forgive me? I love you, Baby.” Hanging up, feeling worse than before, he tossed his cell phone to Matt who was silently pleading for him to get out on stage, he ran out, directly into the spotlight.

| |

He’d been trying to talk to her for three days – three of the longest days of Alex’s short life, but she refused to answer.

He’d tried everything: sappy but genuine apologies, calling from other people’s phones, texting, playing up his fame when the anger settled in even though he knew his career did nothing to sway her. That’s why he liked Ryland. Sure, she enjoyed his music, but when he first brought up the topic of his choice of profession, she hadn’t even batted an eyelash. She merely furrowed her brow, as if questioning why he would even bring up the topic of his fame. If anything, it’d been a turnoff for her, a pleasant change for Alex.

But even with all the positives that came with Ryland, there were plenty of negatives to match. Ryland had a lot of baggage, a lot of deeply, emotionally rooted problems that drove him mad sometimes. She had the most annoying habit of waking up at strange intervals of the night, unable to fall asleep for half an hour at a time, and not to mention the nearly unbearable snoring that kept him awake when she’d finally crashed. This time, her stubbornness and her amazing ability to hold grudges were the characteristics that Alex was learning to despise.

Flipping open his phone one last time for the afternoon, he dialed their house number and listened, his heartstrings being stretched painfully to their limits with each ring that came and passed. Just as he was starting to prepare yet another message for her, he heard the click of someone picking up and the soft breathing that gave her away.

“Ryland?”

“Yes, Alex?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

And just like that, the world for Alex was spinning again. Everything was back to normal, the sun suddenly felt warm against his skin and the breeze played with the awkward fringe of his hair. The air whooshing in his lungs never felt so good.

“I love you, Ry. I didn’t mean to brush you off like that…”

“I shouldn’t have called,” she said. Alex could almost see her, walking around their bright and airy kitchen, sliding up on the counter in her light pajamas with the telephone cradled to her ear.

“No, you should have. It was just a bad time. I don’t want you to think that you can’t call me, ever, okay? If you need to talk to someone, and I can’t answer, leave a message and I’ll call you right back. I promise.”

A sad sigh escaped her lips. He could hear her thoughts, the That’s not the point. The point is that I shouldn’t have to call you… He knew her too well not to know what that sigh meant, that little exasperation that gave away her frustrations.

“I love you,” was all she said though. “I’ll always love you, Alex. Don’t ever forget it.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Ry. I love you, too.”

Smiling, he felt his knees finally giving out as the last of his tension escaped his body. Sinking into Jack’s abandoned lawn chair, he ran his fingers through his hair and allowed a laugh release itself from his behind his lips.

| | |

Alex heard her message loud and clear.

Every member working for All Time Low received the message loud and clear. He could only hope that he wasn’t too late.

The sound of her sniffling, the sheer exhaustion in her voice, the way her voice cracked as she told him that she loved him was enough for Alex to drop everything and book the fastest mode of transportation back to Baltimore.

Ryland needed him more than ever; that much was clear.

But Alex doubted she knew just how much he needed her. He wanted to cradle her in his arms, to hug her to his chest, to feel her uneven breathing after she cried herself out for the night, to kiss the scars piecing together the flesh of her arms and thighs. He wanted her – perfect or not, happy or sad, sleeping or driving him mad while she was awake. He just wanted her.

Ryland couldn’t see that though. Not when she was so lost, not when she was feeling bad about herself, not when she managed to convince herself that people only stayed around her out of pity – out of fear of what she could do if she was left alone with her mind.

He had it all worked out, the words he wanted to say when he gathered her in his arms after another close call: “I’m not with you out of obligation, Ry. I leave you, scared of the possibility of what could happen, but I go because I trust you and I trust that you know yourself enough to get the help and support you need. You made the right decision, Babe. I love you. I love you so fucking much that I literally hurts sometimes.”

That was, if he made it on time. And Alex prayed to God that he would – that this was just a misunderstanding, that his instinct was off and that she wasn’t serious about anything.

| | | |

It was beautiful.

The setting sun splayed hues of lavender, orange and pink over the bay as Alex ran down the sidewalk, eyes focused ahead, on the blue house just three blocks up from the crowded intersection that had come to a standstill.

Had it been under any other circumstance, he would have stopped to admire the beauty. He would have taken in the cloudless sky, the way the sun glowed over the city, the way the lights were starting to shine up to the endless space above.

But he couldn’t.

Ryland needed him, and he needed Ryland.

And time was ticking.

His personal time bomb was in their house, waiting as daylight was beginning to fleet, and his heart was pounding so heavily and hard that he could feel it thumping against his ribs.

“Ryland?!” he called breathlessly, stepping into the house with the white wooden door cracking sickeningly as it bounced off of the wall. “Ryland, Baby?! Where are you?”

Following his gut, he raced upstairs, to their bedroom.

She wasn’t there, but the bathroom door was shut, and he could hear her sobbing from inside.

Leaning against the door, resting his forehead against the wood, he closed his eyes in relief that he hadn’t been too late, and rapped two knuckles against it. “Ryland. Open the door, Baby.”

She didn’t respond. Heartbreaking cries cut him to the core, but he wasn’t about to give up just yet, not when he was so close to having her in his arms. He twisted the knob, but the door wouldn’t budge. She’d locked herself inside, and he couldn’t help but to let the overwhelmed tears spill from his eyes when the realization set in: the one that told him that it wasn’t over. Not yet.

“Ryland? Open the door. Please, do it for me. I need you. I need you so much.”

“I’m sorry, Alex,” she cried. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“No, don’t be. Just let me in. Please. I love you.”

“I can’t! Oh, God Alex. I’m sorry. I can’t let you do this anymore.”

He tried the door again, fumbling with the knob before ramming his shoulder against it, sending one distinctive thud echoing in the bedroom. His stomach tightened up, his eyes burning with his premonition, his mind going haywire. “No! NO! Don’t fucking do anything Ryland! Don’t!”

Thud. Thud. Thud.

Bang.

“No!” It rang out desperately. Salty tears chased each other down his face.

Slamming his bodyweight one last time into the door, he heard the sickening crack and felt the way the door gave heed to his efforts.

But it was too late.

His lover was gone, crumpled in the bathtub in all her gore, her scar covered arm hanging over the ledge.

He broke down, falling to his knees in the mess Ryland had made in attempt to keep him out.

“No, no, no, no, no.”

It wasn’t fair.

The world stopped spinning, and the sun faded out. Breaths were too hard to come by as he sobbed, clenched fists pressed to his chest as he curled toward the floor in grief, in pure agony.

The darkness settled over, and Alex only could wish that he would never have to see sunlight again.