Status: Workin' on it.
Rose Oaks
Lillie Grace
I was waiting in my desk for an hour and thirty minutes, with all these stupid boys staring at me. One even tried to kick me to look at him. But one of the male nurses saw him and yelled at him, therefore he got more Unit Restriction. I didn’t care, because I didn’t get in trouble, and so help me God if I did…
Finally, the elevator doors opened and I turned to look at dozen or less girls piling out of it. One of the nurses, Mrs. Bridget, looked at me and gestured me to come with them. I pulled my sweatshirt down, stood up and walked over to them. I smiled sweetly at her as she handed me a tray of food. She told me to just sit in the chair I was sitting in before they left and eat.
The tray consisted of a tiny bit of bacon, grits, and eggs. It also had a biscuit off to the side a package of grape jelly sitting beside it. I smiled, grabbed my milk carton, opened it and began to eat with this black, plastic fork they gave me. I started with the grits first. They were cheesy, and delicious. Next I went to the eggs, and ate those. The bacon and biscuit I ate together, with the jelly.
Finishing off the milk, I pushed the tray away from me and randomly someone grabbed it and took it away from me. I held the fork in my hands, under the table, and then shoving it into the pockets of my jacket. I smiled at myself, and looked at everyone at my table.
“Hey,” One of the girls said. I blinked, looking over at her.
“Hello.” I said, trying to be friendly. I was kind of a bitch earlier not talking to anyone and all. I studied the girl, she had beautiful green eyes and wavy black hair. Her hair had a tint of blue in it, which made me smile, it was unique and I’ve never seen that before. Her skin was a dark peachy color.
“My name is Lillie Grace!” She said in a loud whisper. I wouldn’t know why she would be whispering, whenever everyone else was practically yelling, or it’s just me and my damned good hearing. Yeah, probably the second one. I shrugged, and just talked in my normal voice.
“Kaelie,” I told her and she smiled big. Then, looking down at her arms, I saw the white lines that were clearly visible on her tanned skin.
“Are you in here for cutting?” I asked her and her facial expression change, and she nodded slowly. I took that as a ’Yes, but I really don’t want to talk about it.’ So I didn’t ask her anything about it. I know I got pissed off whenever people asked me stuff like that so I would imagine her getting all worked up because of it, too.
I smiled at her and her expression completely changed from miserable to joyful. It was interesting how one person could be so.. Like that. Changing their mood so quickly, but I knew she was faking it. She was faking it because she didn’t want anyone else knowing she was in pain, because of whatever had happened in her life made her pray to God that whenever she’s dragging that blade across her wrist it doesn’t go so deep that it makes her bleed to death. Because, let’s all face it.. We’re all too damn chicken to actually kill ourselves, right? Wrong.
Most people are pussies, but I actually almost had it until my friend showed up and first dragged me to the hospital, then the hospital suggested I go here, in Rose Oaks. I live far away from Rose Oaks, so why in the barnacles would they suggest me to go here? I’m from old ass Nebraska, anyway. I looked at Lillie Grace and studied her eyes, her movements and the way her mouth moved whenever she talked.
One of the nurses had called on her to talk, so I could study her. I tuned out everything and I just watched…Watched the way she winced whenever her jaw moved. The way she fiddled with her fingers while everyone watched her, had their eyes on her, it was her turn to tell everyone what was wrong with her. I should’ve been listening, because I was curious, too.. But I know I’ll have another chance to listen to her wonderful story.
Suddenly, the only thing in my mind was her voice. Just her, and I heard her story like as if I was reading a book.
“I started to cut whenever I was 10 years old, and since I’m 16 now, every day for 6 years, would I put another cut on my arm. That’s a lot of days, I’m aware. Which means a lot of cuts. Tons of scars, and more to come, damn it. My mom and dad don’t care what happens to poor ol’ Lillie Grace, no ma’am they don’t. They rather go spend their time at keg parties and smoke until they were high as a kite.”
She sounded a lot like me, actually. I bit down hard on my lip and I didn’t stop biting until I tasted the red liquid which tasted a little bit like metal. I looked down at the table whenever she glanced at me, and I started to chew on the inside of my cheek.
“One night, whenever I was 13 they came home so damn drunk they started to have sex in the nearest room they could find. Which just so happened to be mine, and I was asleep when they did it. It was disgusting, so many sounds, and smells. It was just plain disgusting. Once they realized I was at my computer desk they stopped, and my dad came towards me, and threw me on the bed.. “
She stopped right there, and took in a deep breath.
“Lets just say he raped me, and then he beat me, broke my arm too.. “
I winced at her pain, and I couldn’t even imagine… Okay, I can imagine.
“And that happened every Saturday night until I came here. No one knows about this, and it’s just because I wouldn’t tell; I love my dad - even though he’s a abusive drunk - and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to him. I want him to be in my life until he dies. I don’t want him or my mom to leave me until it’s their time to go. I don’t want to see them in jail or nursing homes. No, hell no. I would kill myself before I see any of that happen.”
It’s me all over again. I had it. I threw my hands up and scooted my chair back, standing up. I clenched my hands together, and since I moved the fork into the sleeve of my sweat shirt, it stabbed into my palm and I winced. Tears were swollen in my eyes and everything was blurry.
“Don’t you see what that’s doing to you? Promising yourself that you don’t want any of that shit to happen to your parents?!” I screamed at her, although honestly, I was screaming at myself.
“I was just like you, and seeing you is like seeing myself in a mirror with a different face! You’re secretly wanting them to die, Lillie!”
“Kaelie, calm down!” One of the nurses yelled at me as Lillie Grace’s eyes were filling with those salty tears, she knew I knew what she was going through.
“Cutting yourself for attention, that’s what your doing! Just because it feels good. It’s giving you that sedation chemical in your brain! Yeah, I know how it is.” I was breathing really hard now and tears were falling out of my eyes like rain.
“Don’t tell yourself that you want them in your life forever.. Because we know you don’t.” By this time, Lillie was balled up in her chair, holding onto her legs crying and these two men were grabbing me by the arms trying to move me out of the day room and into the hallway.
Once they got me out of there I screamed.
“Let go of me!” I said, tears still falling out like a waterfall.
“You need to calm down Kaelie!” One of them said, and to be quite honest, he was cute. “Ah!” I screamed again as I was shoved into a chair, and held down. I could feel a million of eyes on me, and I really didn’t care.
That’s when it happened. A sharp pain was in my arm, and some liquid was entered into my body. I became still instantly and I looked into the man’s eyes. His topaz eyes seem to be filled with dark gold now. My eye lids felt heavy and although I didn’t feel tired I let them close and I fell asleep quickly.
Finally, the elevator doors opened and I turned to look at dozen or less girls piling out of it. One of the nurses, Mrs. Bridget, looked at me and gestured me to come with them. I pulled my sweatshirt down, stood up and walked over to them. I smiled sweetly at her as she handed me a tray of food. She told me to just sit in the chair I was sitting in before they left and eat.
The tray consisted of a tiny bit of bacon, grits, and eggs. It also had a biscuit off to the side a package of grape jelly sitting beside it. I smiled, grabbed my milk carton, opened it and began to eat with this black, plastic fork they gave me. I started with the grits first. They were cheesy, and delicious. Next I went to the eggs, and ate those. The bacon and biscuit I ate together, with the jelly.
Finishing off the milk, I pushed the tray away from me and randomly someone grabbed it and took it away from me. I held the fork in my hands, under the table, and then shoving it into the pockets of my jacket. I smiled at myself, and looked at everyone at my table.
“Hey,” One of the girls said. I blinked, looking over at her.
“Hello.” I said, trying to be friendly. I was kind of a bitch earlier not talking to anyone and all. I studied the girl, she had beautiful green eyes and wavy black hair. Her hair had a tint of blue in it, which made me smile, it was unique and I’ve never seen that before. Her skin was a dark peachy color.
“My name is Lillie Grace!” She said in a loud whisper. I wouldn’t know why she would be whispering, whenever everyone else was practically yelling, or it’s just me and my damned good hearing. Yeah, probably the second one. I shrugged, and just talked in my normal voice.
“Kaelie,” I told her and she smiled big. Then, looking down at her arms, I saw the white lines that were clearly visible on her tanned skin.
“Are you in here for cutting?” I asked her and her facial expression change, and she nodded slowly. I took that as a ’Yes, but I really don’t want to talk about it.’ So I didn’t ask her anything about it. I know I got pissed off whenever people asked me stuff like that so I would imagine her getting all worked up because of it, too.
I smiled at her and her expression completely changed from miserable to joyful. It was interesting how one person could be so.. Like that. Changing their mood so quickly, but I knew she was faking it. She was faking it because she didn’t want anyone else knowing she was in pain, because of whatever had happened in her life made her pray to God that whenever she’s dragging that blade across her wrist it doesn’t go so deep that it makes her bleed to death. Because, let’s all face it.. We’re all too damn chicken to actually kill ourselves, right? Wrong.
Most people are pussies, but I actually almost had it until my friend showed up and first dragged me to the hospital, then the hospital suggested I go here, in Rose Oaks. I live far away from Rose Oaks, so why in the barnacles would they suggest me to go here? I’m from old ass Nebraska, anyway. I looked at Lillie Grace and studied her eyes, her movements and the way her mouth moved whenever she talked.
One of the nurses had called on her to talk, so I could study her. I tuned out everything and I just watched…Watched the way she winced whenever her jaw moved. The way she fiddled with her fingers while everyone watched her, had their eyes on her, it was her turn to tell everyone what was wrong with her. I should’ve been listening, because I was curious, too.. But I know I’ll have another chance to listen to her wonderful story.
Suddenly, the only thing in my mind was her voice. Just her, and I heard her story like as if I was reading a book.
“I started to cut whenever I was 10 years old, and since I’m 16 now, every day for 6 years, would I put another cut on my arm. That’s a lot of days, I’m aware. Which means a lot of cuts. Tons of scars, and more to come, damn it. My mom and dad don’t care what happens to poor ol’ Lillie Grace, no ma’am they don’t. They rather go spend their time at keg parties and smoke until they were high as a kite.”
She sounded a lot like me, actually. I bit down hard on my lip and I didn’t stop biting until I tasted the red liquid which tasted a little bit like metal. I looked down at the table whenever she glanced at me, and I started to chew on the inside of my cheek.
“One night, whenever I was 13 they came home so damn drunk they started to have sex in the nearest room they could find. Which just so happened to be mine, and I was asleep when they did it. It was disgusting, so many sounds, and smells. It was just plain disgusting. Once they realized I was at my computer desk they stopped, and my dad came towards me, and threw me on the bed.. “
She stopped right there, and took in a deep breath.
“Lets just say he raped me, and then he beat me, broke my arm too.. “
I winced at her pain, and I couldn’t even imagine… Okay, I can imagine.
“And that happened every Saturday night until I came here. No one knows about this, and it’s just because I wouldn’t tell; I love my dad - even though he’s a abusive drunk - and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to him. I want him to be in my life until he dies. I don’t want him or my mom to leave me until it’s their time to go. I don’t want to see them in jail or nursing homes. No, hell no. I would kill myself before I see any of that happen.”
It’s me all over again. I had it. I threw my hands up and scooted my chair back, standing up. I clenched my hands together, and since I moved the fork into the sleeve of my sweat shirt, it stabbed into my palm and I winced. Tears were swollen in my eyes and everything was blurry.
“Don’t you see what that’s doing to you? Promising yourself that you don’t want any of that shit to happen to your parents?!” I screamed at her, although honestly, I was screaming at myself.
“I was just like you, and seeing you is like seeing myself in a mirror with a different face! You’re secretly wanting them to die, Lillie!”
“Kaelie, calm down!” One of the nurses yelled at me as Lillie Grace’s eyes were filling with those salty tears, she knew I knew what she was going through.
“Cutting yourself for attention, that’s what your doing! Just because it feels good. It’s giving you that sedation chemical in your brain! Yeah, I know how it is.” I was breathing really hard now and tears were falling out of my eyes like rain.
“Don’t tell yourself that you want them in your life forever.. Because we know you don’t.” By this time, Lillie was balled up in her chair, holding onto her legs crying and these two men were grabbing me by the arms trying to move me out of the day room and into the hallway.
Once they got me out of there I screamed.
“Let go of me!” I said, tears still falling out like a waterfall.
“You need to calm down Kaelie!” One of them said, and to be quite honest, he was cute. “Ah!” I screamed again as I was shoved into a chair, and held down. I could feel a million of eyes on me, and I really didn’t care.
That’s when it happened. A sharp pain was in my arm, and some liquid was entered into my body. I became still instantly and I looked into the man’s eyes. His topaz eyes seem to be filled with dark gold now. My eye lids felt heavy and although I didn’t feel tired I let them close and I fell asleep quickly.