Scumbag
Eight: Rushing to My Depression
Brian’s POV
I was quite impressed with myself, having driven on the road for only the third time ever and having done a better job than Billie Joe had been. He was drunk. He’d been so drunk it was hard to understand how he didn’t see that himself.
“You’re our little hero,” Dixie said to me as we got back to Billie’s alive, rubbing her hands up my chest and planting a kiss on my cheek. “I should thank you.”
“It was nothing,” I replied, and she giggled in that annoying way she did. It was similar to how I giggled, which was why it didn’t annoy me nearly as much as it annoyed others, I guess. She stumbled backwards a little and pulled me with her down the hallway of Billie’s house until we got to a darkened room at the end, darkened more so as she closed the door behind us.
“I’d like to thank you,” she said, this time seeming surer of herself. Well, as sure as one cold be after several shots and at least 2 beers. She placed her lips briefly against mine before trailing them down my neck, and then I felt them across my stomach. I lost their location for a while after that as I felt her hands unbuttoning my jeans and caressing my thighs, moaning much louder than I wish I had when I found where they’d got to then. It’d been so long since I’d been touched… like that… that it was hard to have the situation unfold completely in my mind before it was too late. I was pulling at her hair when it hit me that I was doing something wrong and taking advantage of a drunken friend, but that bubbling feeling in the pit of my stomach had me forget that I cared. I might have moaned her name as I came and she swallowed, zipping me back up before leaving the room with a tiny smirk on her face. I followed her a little while later once I was sure it didn’t seem too obvious what we’d done, but no one seemed to care. I remembered something Trè had said to me a while ago about Dixie having been around with a lot of his friends, which I hadn’t liked to hear at the time. It was even worse to recall it at that point, having just become one such friend. She was sitting between Jordan and Tyson now, her hands resting gently on either of their knees, and seemed to be totally fine with how she acted. Did that make it okay, then? I wasn’t quite sure.
It wasn’t until very early morning that we’d all found sleep. I was sharing Billie’s mum’s bed with Dixie and the guys had fallen asleep as they were in the lounge room which was good, I guess, as Billie would probably be puking everywhere come morning. I didn’t want to be around when that happened, and hoped I could grab a ride from Mike before he woke.
Alas, I was there for the whole ordeal, and my stomach ache had come back with the sound of Billie’s hurling. He wasn’t in the bathroom too long, though, and soon came out to find coffee and to curse at the cupboard in the corner of the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” Curiosity always got the better of me.
“My mum locks the medicine cabinet. It’s so fucking annoying!” He pounded his fist on the door once more before letting out a long sigh in defeat and turning back around to face me. “What do you want?” I felt my eyes give him the once over, but he was the one walking around without his shirt. It was cold, and his nipples were pert. I wasn’t sure why that interested me… I’ll admit far too much.
“Nothing. I just… I heard you making odd noises.”
“Mmm. I could say the same about you.”
“About me?”
“Don’t worry, it was pretty predictable you’d get some from her. Everyone else has.” I knew my face had gone red, because I could see it’s reflection in the microwave door. My mouth was hanging open, which I was quick to close, only to open it up again to say something stupid.
“You’re just jealous because you’re not getting any.” Well of course he was.
“I’d be careful what you say to me in my own home. How far away do you live again? I wonder how much of your day would be wasted if you had to walk home…”
“I wasn’t planning to catch a lift off of you, anyway. Mike told me last night he’d drop me home.” Billie’s face contorted into a smirk at that moment.
“What are you talking about!? Mike is a lovely guy, Brian, I can’t believe you thought he was like that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“His own mother was a drug fucked whore, and now you’re accusing the same of him?” Mike had already entered the room, his eyes on me as Billie spoke louder than what was necessary. Dixie followed behind, as she does.
“What are you saying about me, Brian? I don’t like dishonest friends. You don’t know me to judge me like that.” He walked off then, seeming pretty calm about it, though I knew asking him for a ride home was now out of the question. I took one look at Billie who looked a little sorry then, before I walked off and slammed his front door as I exited his house, only hoping that my expression had been clear enough. I hated people thinking I was cruel, because I truly believed I wasn’t. I would never have said that about Mike, even if I’d thought it to be true.
“Brian, you can’t walk home. It’s fucking raining!” Dixie screeched from behind me, her tiny fingers pulling at my side and forcing me to stop. “Would you please look at me?” I looked at her, but I had to look away again. I didn’t want her to notice that I was crying. Perhaps she’d think it was just the rain. She didn’t seem like the kind to do much about it, and I didn’t feel like being told to ‘toughen up’.
“I have to go. I’m clearly not welcome amongst your friends.”
“That’s bull, Brian, and you know it.” She had nothing to back that up, of course, and so was quick to change the subject. “I’ll go grab you the umbrella I left at Billie’s.”
“Don’t bother.” I turned and continued walking, and Dixie didn’t follow. I soon figured out why as Billie’s car pulled to the side of the road and the door was pushed open for me to hop inside. It was only him inside and so I hopped in, if only to give him a serve and then leave again. Why did it have to be so hard to make a few friends? I needed a little company before I was to move to London for university and never wanted to land in anything so serious. All I’d needed was someone to hang with on the weekends to evade my grandparents and what seemed like their constant disapproval of me. It was currently a Friday morning though, and so it looked like I’d be spending Saturday playing bowls with my gran.
“Where do you get off, making me feel like the lowest piece of crap all the time!?” I screamed, though hadn’t initially meant to. I was wiping my eyes, because there was no longer any rain to disguise my tears. I was angry, I was embarrassed, but most of all… I was guilty. Something passed through Billie’s eyes as he watched me sniffling in the passenger seat. He opened his mouth to speak a few times but nothing had come out. “I’ll walk home. I don’t care. You don’t owe me a ride.”
“Brian, shut up. I was out of line. I just… I didn’t have the best of nights, in not the best of weeks, and you weren’t helping. I know it must be hard for you to find friends in a new place with your… personality… but –”
“What do you mean?
“Well I mean… you’re not exactly asking to make friends. You wear more makeup than my mother, have absolutely no idea about the local scene, and you’ve been wearing that fucking red cardigan since the first day I saw you. And then you do, by chance, happen to make a good friend, who you drunkenly fuck in her ex boyfriend’s mother’s bedroom…”
“I wasn’t drunk!”
“That only makes it worse! Can’t you see how you’ve done wrong? Though, I know what she’s like. She’d fuck anything with a pulse…”
“We didn’t fuck.”
“I don’t believe you.” We stopped talking for a while as I blushed at the thought of having to explain any of that to Billie. So she’d sucked me off. Couldn’t he just assume that and move on? He never cared about her, anyway. He didn’t exactly go crawling back to her, and anyone idiot could have seen she’d have loved that. They could have got back together, but they didn’t. That wasn’t my fault.
“Listen. If you’re going to drive me home, then just do it already. Otherwise can you kick me out and let me get home?”
“But you’re upset.” He said it like he actually cared, but I couldn’t understand why. “I wanna show you something…” I wasn’t sure why I didn’t get out of the car before he drove off, but it could have been the smile on his face now as he spoke. We were open to one another, for the first time since meeting, when really, he should want to kill me by now.
I was quite impressed with myself, having driven on the road for only the third time ever and having done a better job than Billie Joe had been. He was drunk. He’d been so drunk it was hard to understand how he didn’t see that himself.
“You’re our little hero,” Dixie said to me as we got back to Billie’s alive, rubbing her hands up my chest and planting a kiss on my cheek. “I should thank you.”
“It was nothing,” I replied, and she giggled in that annoying way she did. It was similar to how I giggled, which was why it didn’t annoy me nearly as much as it annoyed others, I guess. She stumbled backwards a little and pulled me with her down the hallway of Billie’s house until we got to a darkened room at the end, darkened more so as she closed the door behind us.
“I’d like to thank you,” she said, this time seeming surer of herself. Well, as sure as one cold be after several shots and at least 2 beers. She placed her lips briefly against mine before trailing them down my neck, and then I felt them across my stomach. I lost their location for a while after that as I felt her hands unbuttoning my jeans and caressing my thighs, moaning much louder than I wish I had when I found where they’d got to then. It’d been so long since I’d been touched… like that… that it was hard to have the situation unfold completely in my mind before it was too late. I was pulling at her hair when it hit me that I was doing something wrong and taking advantage of a drunken friend, but that bubbling feeling in the pit of my stomach had me forget that I cared. I might have moaned her name as I came and she swallowed, zipping me back up before leaving the room with a tiny smirk on her face. I followed her a little while later once I was sure it didn’t seem too obvious what we’d done, but no one seemed to care. I remembered something Trè had said to me a while ago about Dixie having been around with a lot of his friends, which I hadn’t liked to hear at the time. It was even worse to recall it at that point, having just become one such friend. She was sitting between Jordan and Tyson now, her hands resting gently on either of their knees, and seemed to be totally fine with how she acted. Did that make it okay, then? I wasn’t quite sure.
It wasn’t until very early morning that we’d all found sleep. I was sharing Billie’s mum’s bed with Dixie and the guys had fallen asleep as they were in the lounge room which was good, I guess, as Billie would probably be puking everywhere come morning. I didn’t want to be around when that happened, and hoped I could grab a ride from Mike before he woke.
Alas, I was there for the whole ordeal, and my stomach ache had come back with the sound of Billie’s hurling. He wasn’t in the bathroom too long, though, and soon came out to find coffee and to curse at the cupboard in the corner of the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” Curiosity always got the better of me.
“My mum locks the medicine cabinet. It’s so fucking annoying!” He pounded his fist on the door once more before letting out a long sigh in defeat and turning back around to face me. “What do you want?” I felt my eyes give him the once over, but he was the one walking around without his shirt. It was cold, and his nipples were pert. I wasn’t sure why that interested me… I’ll admit far too much.
“Nothing. I just… I heard you making odd noises.”
“Mmm. I could say the same about you.”
“About me?”
“Don’t worry, it was pretty predictable you’d get some from her. Everyone else has.” I knew my face had gone red, because I could see it’s reflection in the microwave door. My mouth was hanging open, which I was quick to close, only to open it up again to say something stupid.
“You’re just jealous because you’re not getting any.” Well of course he was.
“I’d be careful what you say to me in my own home. How far away do you live again? I wonder how much of your day would be wasted if you had to walk home…”
“I wasn’t planning to catch a lift off of you, anyway. Mike told me last night he’d drop me home.” Billie’s face contorted into a smirk at that moment.
“What are you talking about!? Mike is a lovely guy, Brian, I can’t believe you thought he was like that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“His own mother was a drug fucked whore, and now you’re accusing the same of him?” Mike had already entered the room, his eyes on me as Billie spoke louder than what was necessary. Dixie followed behind, as she does.
“What are you saying about me, Brian? I don’t like dishonest friends. You don’t know me to judge me like that.” He walked off then, seeming pretty calm about it, though I knew asking him for a ride home was now out of the question. I took one look at Billie who looked a little sorry then, before I walked off and slammed his front door as I exited his house, only hoping that my expression had been clear enough. I hated people thinking I was cruel, because I truly believed I wasn’t. I would never have said that about Mike, even if I’d thought it to be true.
“Brian, you can’t walk home. It’s fucking raining!” Dixie screeched from behind me, her tiny fingers pulling at my side and forcing me to stop. “Would you please look at me?” I looked at her, but I had to look away again. I didn’t want her to notice that I was crying. Perhaps she’d think it was just the rain. She didn’t seem like the kind to do much about it, and I didn’t feel like being told to ‘toughen up’.
“I have to go. I’m clearly not welcome amongst your friends.”
“That’s bull, Brian, and you know it.” She had nothing to back that up, of course, and so was quick to change the subject. “I’ll go grab you the umbrella I left at Billie’s.”
“Don’t bother.” I turned and continued walking, and Dixie didn’t follow. I soon figured out why as Billie’s car pulled to the side of the road and the door was pushed open for me to hop inside. It was only him inside and so I hopped in, if only to give him a serve and then leave again. Why did it have to be so hard to make a few friends? I needed a little company before I was to move to London for university and never wanted to land in anything so serious. All I’d needed was someone to hang with on the weekends to evade my grandparents and what seemed like their constant disapproval of me. It was currently a Friday morning though, and so it looked like I’d be spending Saturday playing bowls with my gran.
“Where do you get off, making me feel like the lowest piece of crap all the time!?” I screamed, though hadn’t initially meant to. I was wiping my eyes, because there was no longer any rain to disguise my tears. I was angry, I was embarrassed, but most of all… I was guilty. Something passed through Billie’s eyes as he watched me sniffling in the passenger seat. He opened his mouth to speak a few times but nothing had come out. “I’ll walk home. I don’t care. You don’t owe me a ride.”
“Brian, shut up. I was out of line. I just… I didn’t have the best of nights, in not the best of weeks, and you weren’t helping. I know it must be hard for you to find friends in a new place with your… personality… but –”
“What do you mean?
“Well I mean… you’re not exactly asking to make friends. You wear more makeup than my mother, have absolutely no idea about the local scene, and you’ve been wearing that fucking red cardigan since the first day I saw you. And then you do, by chance, happen to make a good friend, who you drunkenly fuck in her ex boyfriend’s mother’s bedroom…”
“I wasn’t drunk!”
“That only makes it worse! Can’t you see how you’ve done wrong? Though, I know what she’s like. She’d fuck anything with a pulse…”
“We didn’t fuck.”
“I don’t believe you.” We stopped talking for a while as I blushed at the thought of having to explain any of that to Billie. So she’d sucked me off. Couldn’t he just assume that and move on? He never cared about her, anyway. He didn’t exactly go crawling back to her, and anyone idiot could have seen she’d have loved that. They could have got back together, but they didn’t. That wasn’t my fault.
“Listen. If you’re going to drive me home, then just do it already. Otherwise can you kick me out and let me get home?”
“But you’re upset.” He said it like he actually cared, but I couldn’t understand why. “I wanna show you something…” I wasn’t sure why I didn’t get out of the car before he drove off, but it could have been the smile on his face now as he spoke. We were open to one another, for the first time since meeting, when really, he should want to kill me by now.
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I really liked this chapter. Poor Brian :3