Remus' Reason

"What about you Remus? Did you go on dates during school?" Hermione asked, glancing at the graying man who sat across from her in an armchair. They were all comfortably sitting in Grimmuald Place and Remus would be leaving soon to go see the werewolves and try persuading them to join forces with the Order. But for now, they were trying to make the best of it with light conversation and butterbeers.

Remus was caught off guard by the question, even though they had been talking about Sirius' love affairs and James' obsession with Lily for quite some time. His deep blue eyes lowered in thought and the teens exchanged looks.

"I'm guessing he has," Ron murmured to Harry, but Remus only half heard him, but it was enough to break him from his thoughts.

"Yes," he said softly, looking back up at them. "I did."

"Well? Who was she?" Ginny asked curiously, a grin appearing on her face.

Remus sighed with a small smile. "Her name was Emily. Emily Brimstone," he replied thoughtfully, a bright smile flashing before his eyes and he was suddenly pulled into a flashback…

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11 year old James and Sirius had been searching for students to play pranks on. Peter was following behind enthusiastically and Remus was mildly being entertained. That was when he first saw her. It was a Saturday and none of them had classes to attend to, meaning they were all wearing muggle clothes to relax. And she had been wearing the brightest colors of them all. Her skirt was a dark blue with polka dots of every bright color you could think of, along with black tights underneath. Her long sleeved shirt was the color of the sky and her shoes were a sunny yellow. It was odd, to be dressed that way, with so many colors…even if it was the seventies. But she didn't care or take notice of the strange looks she received and she was continuing on reading a book over astronomy in the window sill.

"Oi! It's Brimstone!" James exclaimed, as they all came to a stop to approach her.

Emily had been too consumed in her book to notice or hear them, causing Sirius to snort. "What a fluffhead! Ello? Brimstone? Are you deaf or dumb?" he asked, causing James and Peter to burst into laughter.

Emily had apparently noticed they were standing there and talking to her, for she looked up. But her eyes settled on Remus. Remus felt the pierce of her bright blue eyes and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her if he tried. Sirius and James continued on, but Remus' head turned fuzzy and he felt his ears burn from a blush. It was like she was staring into his soul and he vaguely wondered if she could read his mind.

Emily's book being knocked out of her hands caused them to break eye contact and the book fell the stone floor with a loud thud.

"Hello?" James asked, with an incredulous laugh. "Anyone home?"

Emily's eyes lifted from her book to James, Remus noticing anger was not evident in her expression. She merely stared back at James with a curiosity. James stopped, momentarily taken aback by the largeness of her eyes and the intent stare she was giving him. Apparently, it had unnerved him, for he grabbed Sirius' arm. "She's a nutter, come on," he had stated, wide eyed, and then dragged Sirius away with Peter waddling after them.

Remus realized he was the only one standing there and that he was bluntly staring at Emily. His eyes retracted when she looked back up at him, his face flaming as he felt self-conscious. He finally found the will to move and he awkwardly picked her book up and handed it back to her before running down the hallway after his friends.

He had felt her eyes on him until he had turned the corner.

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"She just stared?" Ron asked, shocked. "If someone stared at me that way, I would probably think she was a nutter too."

Hermione elbowed Ron and he let out an oof, and then she turned to Remus with concern. "Why didn't you stop James and Sirius from making fun of her?" she asked, making Harry shift uncomfortably next to her.

Remus smiled at Hermione though. "I was eleven, I was nervous around girls. And she looked at me as if she knew my deepest darkest secrets and it unnerved me...and you know why," he replied, making them all nod in understanding.

"Did you like her though?" Ginny asked, sitting on the edge of her seat.

Remus shook his head. "Not yet…not until my fourth year…"

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Remus sat on the Hogwarts Express, reading his DADA book for the third time since he had bought it a couple weeks ago. He couldn't wait until classes started; he was excited to be learning more defensive spells that year. James, Sirius, and Peter were not in the compartment with him yet, so he had peace and quiet for a few moments.

A sudden knock on the opened compartment door brought him out of his thoughts and he looked up to see big bright blue eyes staring back at him. His heart suddenly jumped to his throat at the sight of her.

"Hello, Remus. If you wouldn't mind, could I ask you a question?" Emily let a smile grace her features and her perfect, straight white teeth were revealed to him, causing his eyes to lose focus for a moment because of the intense brightness.

She shifted in the doorway, accidently hitting the door handle, causing it to rattle and he was brought back to the conversation. His ears turned red and he cleared his throat, gesturing for her to come in as he said, "Sure, come on in."

Emily grinned, blinding him more from her smile, and she entered the compartment. He immediately took notice of her brightly colored outfit, consisting of hot pink jeans that hugged her legs and a bright green tee shirt that was loose around the shoulders, and her yellow trainers.

"You do know who I am, don't you?" her soft uncertain voice asked and his eyes snapped to hers, realizing he had been staring at her.

Remus smiled and nodded. "Of course, Emily. You're in my year, house, and in some of my classes." The Marauders had kept away from her over the years, James intimidated by her eyes but never admitting it. Although they spoke often of her, spreading rumors that she was insane and airheaded. Remus of course, kept silent on the situation, not wanting to commit to anything they said about her. He had been secretly intrigued by her and admired her smarts during their classes.

Emily grinned. "Oh good. From the blank stare you were giving me, I was afraid you had no idea who I was."

Remus blushed instantly and he forced a swallow down, changing the subject out of humility. "So what is your question?"

Emily took a deep breath before asking, apparently bracing herself. "I have noticed you're grandmother has been ill a lot more lately, and I wanted to ask if she was doing any better? My grandmother passed away a couple years ago, and I know how it is to have a loved one ill."

Remus immediately recoiled at her words, his palms becoming sweaty. His grandmother being ill was an excuse during every month so he could hide away during the full moon without people knowing what he truly was. For her to notice his absence made him doubt that his excuse was working all too well.

He must have looked flabbergasted for she widened her eyes and bit her lip. "I am so sorry to intrude into your personal life. I know how upsetting this must be for you. I just wanted to offer you and moral support, just in case things weren't going well," she meekly apologized.

Remus shook his head, trying to compose himself and the fluttering in his belly from the butterflies of her concern for him. "No-no. Thank you very much for caring enough to offer. That is very kind of you," She relaxed straightaway at his words and he smiled softly. "She is doing a little better. Although for how much longer, I am not sure," he said, his insides eating themselves because of the guilt as he lied to her. Good job, Remus…the first thing you guys talk about is a lie.

Emily's face fell and she threw her hand over his that was resting on his book, trying to be sympathetic, but causing his heart rate to speed up. His eyes glanced down at it before she spoke, "It will be all right. It's hard at first, but just know she will be at peace."

Remus couldn't help but smile, admiring her care and kindness. But his hand burned underneath hers and he scooted it out from beneath it and clutched at a button on his sweater jacket. He swallowed hard, "Thank you Emily. You are very sweet," he mumbled out.

Emily took her hand back with a smile. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to talk to me. I've been told I am a very good listener," she replied before she stood to exit.

Remus's heart jumped to his throat the realization she was leaving and he was shocked at his own behavior towards her. His hand was around her wrist and she turned to look down at him pleasantly.

He found his voice from somewhere within, "You noticed me absent from classes?"

Emily's eyes flashed something deeper and he immediately let go of her wrist, his heart stopping at what she could have noticed about him. She then smiled, blinding him again by her pearly whites. "More than the other students in the school, yes. But don't worry, your secret is safe with me," she said before exiting the compartment and leaving him sitting and staring after her as if he was a deer in headlights. Did she know? Was she really meaning for him to talk with her about…his problem? Only his family, Dumbledore, and his closest friends knew. How could someone he had just talked to for the first time know?

But his thoughts were broke as his friends appeared, loudly and excitedly announcing how good of a summer they had. Even though he refused to let them know about Emily, the thought of her returned to his mind more than once during the train ride.

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"Did she know?" Harry asked and his eyes wide like the rest of them.

"Was she doing Occlumency?" Ginny replied, causing Remus to chuckle.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "If anyone was really interested in where he was going every month, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what he was. I did it and so did Snape."

Ron scoffed and before he could utter a snide comment, Remus interjected. "I started to realize how observant she was after we spent more time together. She kept appearing when I was alone, like in the library or in the common room studying or reading. It was uneasy at first because she rarely took her eyes off of me. She would stare and it made me feel very self-conscious…but after a while I got used to it."

"Did my dad ever find out you guys were spending time together?" Harry asked curiously.

Remus laughed at the recall. "No actually, he didn't. Not at first. But when I wasn't around for a while, he and Sirius took the map out and found me alone outside with her. They hounded me when I got back and they were clearly confused why I would want to hang out with someone who was apparently mental…"

"I'd say," Ron murmured and the other teens glared at him, but Remus didn't notice as he was still continuing on with the story.

"In our fifth year though, that was when things changed…" he said, his eyes glazing over as another flashback took him away…

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Emily was tan, very tan. She had spent her summer holiday at the beach in France with her parents. The bright yellow sundress she was sporting the weekend after school had begun made a blunt contrast. But that wasn't the only thing that Remus, or even the other boys their age, noticed. She had grown a couple inches taller and her flat chest had filled out. Curves were now evident when she wore tight fitting clothing, including her school robes and she had bangs now that hung over her eyebrows. Even with her bright colored clothes and her odd behavior, no one thought to call her mental any longer. Sirius, who still was uneasy in her presence because of her stare, had even tried to pine after her, but after asking Remus if it was all right to do so, he was declined success.

James was the first to notice Remus' behavior around Emily. He stumbled over words and blushed entirely too much. James noticed this, because his own behavior towards Lily Evans was similar. After being told he was not allowed to fancy Emily, Sirius realized Remus had it bad for Emily. He formed a plan with James to get them on a date together, which resulted with Emily and Remus going to Hogsmeade together to the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer.

So there they were, sitting across from each other at a table in the far corner, sipping at their mugs. Remus felt awkward and he continued to look around the room nervously, trying to spot James and Sirius' spying eyes. Emily was completely oblivious to that fact and had a pleasant smile on her face at all times.

"Do you like my dress?" Emily asked suddenly, catching Remus off guard and his face burned bashfully. He had been trying to not look at her dress the whole day, but as she pointed it out, his eyes immediately looked down at it. It was red and because it was a warm autumn day, short. It had a sweetheart neckline and it exposed a little bit of cleavage that made his mouth turn dry. Her tanned and toned legs that he had checked out earlier that day were exposed under the table and he shifted uneasily in his chair at the way that mental picture effected him.

"I do. Although many other students admire it as well," he said, glancing away toward the other table where many boys looked away from Emily suddenly. He felt his blood heat with jealousy.

Emily continued to stare at him. "Oh? I hadn't noticed," she said quietly and he looked back at her, realizing that she was speaking the truth. He relaxed and smiled, knowing full well that she was only looking at him.

He suddenly felt uncomfortable and he leaned his elbows on the table. "Emily? Did you know…that this was supposed to be…a –date?" He inwardly cursed at himself for not being able to speak clearly to her.

Emily bit her lip and looked thoughtful for a moment, before answering, "I admittedly questioned your intent after asking me to accompany you for a drink without any of your friends present, but you never implied that it was in fact a date."

Remus smiled for a second before his eyebrows furrowed. "Sirius wanted me to ask you…and it was intended to be a date…." His voice trailed off as he felt self-conscious again.

Emily then frowned, evidently contemplating his words. "Remus…are you saying you only asked me because Sirius wanted you to?"

Remus blushed fiercely and spluttered. "No—I—wanted to…I just—he—gave me the idea."

Emily's eyebrows rose and she continued to stare at him, searching his expression, and he exhaled. "Stop doing that."

Emily tilted her head. "Doing what?" she asked confused.

"Staring at me like you can see through me," he said quietly and uncomfortably looking down at his mug.

Emily looked down, frowning at the table. "I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I was doing that…"

Remus immediately felt guilty and he took her hand that was resting on her mug handle into his and brushed his thumb across her wrist. She stared at down at his actions with wide eyes . "That makes me tingle."

Remus smiled lightly. "Does it?"

Emily nodded, her eyes lifting to meet his again and they were immediately taken with each other. "Emily…" Remus murmured.

"Yes?" she instantly answered and his mouth quirked.

"I'd like for this to be a date," he said with his momentary confidence.

A grin stretched itself on Emily's face. "I'd like that as well."

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"Aw, how cute," Ginny awed and Remus smiled gently at her.

"And that was when we started dating…" Remus said, leaning back in his chair, taking a sip of butterbeer casually.

"Did she ever tell you she knew about your secret?" Hermione asked, still curious about that fact.

Remus frowned deeply then, looking down at the floor. "Yes. But it was too late…"

The teenagers all frowned as well, a cliffhanger silence filling the air until Harry asked quietly. "What happened?"

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They were in their seventh year. James had finally gained luck with Lily the year before and was steadily dating. Emily and Remus were as well…and Sirius was momentarily dating Marlene McKinnon. Peter was single, although he had gone a couple dates with a Hufflepuff. The Order was being formed and Dumbledore had offered them a place in it when they graduated. They all accepted, thinking it a wonderful idea.

But what happened during the Christmas holiday left them all stunned….

Remus had asked Emily to accompany him home for Christmas and she had gained acceptance from her parents to do so. They had a wonderful time and Emily seemed to really like his parents and they liked her as well. They weren't allowed to sleep in the same room, and the couple both agreed that it was smart, considering their hormones had been heated lately and they weren't sure if they could keep the promise they had promised to each other about not shagging till they were ready.

Emily had sent her parents their Christmas gifts and cards with a letter by hers and Remus' owls, but she had heard no reply back after a few days. She was beginning to worry because she knew her parents were very prompt people.

Remus and Emily were sitting in the snow, after making side by side snow angels. It had been Emily's idea. Remus looked over at Emily, admiring her blond wavy hair underneath her purple knit hat, that circled around her heart shaped face. She was drawing in the snow and Remus took her hand, his heart beating loudly in his chest like it always did when he was about to kiss her. She looked up at him with her big eyes and he smiled before leaning in and pressing his lips against hers.

She kissed him back just as lightly, but her response put butterflies in the pit of his stomach and he deepened the kiss.

"Remus! Emily!"

The young couple broke apart, looking over at Remus' father with red faces. He gestured for them to come into the house and they reluctantly did so.

The grim faces of his parents told Remus that something was incredibly wrong and he immediately thought of something happening to his friends.

"You both might want to sit down," his father said, heightening Remus' anxiety.

"No, what's wrong?" he asked, apprehensively. Emily shifted uncomfortably next to him, staring at his parents with her wide eyes.

His mother broke down and starting crying, covering her face with her hands and his father swallowed hard before crossing his arms. "Emily's parents have been murdered by death eaters."

Remus' heart sank so low he could have been standing on it, he chanced a look at his girlfriend and she was staring blankly up at his father still. Remus forced strength upon him and turned to her, taking a hold of her hands. Her eyes hesitantly found his.

"I need to go," she whispered, her voice trailing off and Remus widened his eyes.

"No you can't. It's too dangerous Emily," Remus replied hastily, but saw the determination flash in Emily's eyes.

His father stepped in, "Remus is right Emily. The Ministry hasn't even got there yet."

Emily stepped away from them, prying herself away from Remus numbly. "Em—" Pop!

And she was gone. Remus widened his eyes, his heart stopping and his breathing speeding up rapidly as he felt anxiety take over. "Oh my god! Emily!"

His father was frantic as well. "The ministry will be there, it'll be okay," he said, comforting himself as well as his son.

Remus then apparated, ignoring his father and mother's cries and landed swiftly on the ground of a broken house. The sight before him was horrific and bright yellow urged him forwards. There she was, laying upon the rubble of her family house.

"Emily!" He bellowed, struggling to run over the debris from the house. She didn't sit up and his whole body froze, but he continued to approach her, tripping finally and falling down next to her. She had cuts all over her body and her eyes were dilating.

"Emily, no, no, no," he cried, his voice cracking and panic forcing tears to protrude from his eyes. He picked her head up and placed it on his lap, cradling her. "Emily, stay with me. It's gonna be okay."

Emily's eyes focused momentarily, looking up at him with her wide eyes. "Remus?" she whispered up at him and he let out a sob.

"I'm right here. I'm not leaving you," he promised.

"Death eaters…cursed—"'

"It's okay Em, just stay with me, okay?"

Her eyes dilated again and he shook her, trying to keep her awake. "No come on Em!"

She looked back up at him with heavy eyelids. "You're a werewolf…"

Remus stopped crying, his eyes widening and his nose sniffling. "How did you find out?" he asked through heavy breaths.

Emily's lips turned up at the corners, trying to smile. "You're easy to read," she replied, her voice raspy.

Remus was too panicked to smile back down at her and he hugged her to him. "Don't you dare leave me, Emily. I love you, you hear me?"

Emily was bleeding rapidly now and her body was lightening. "Remus—"she choked.

Remus pulled her away, looking down at her face.

"I love you too," she said, with a smile before her eyes closed and he heard her exhale slowly.

"NO Emily—"

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Hermione and Ginny were silently crying and Harry looked down at the floor blankly, while Ron's shoulders slumped and he rubbed at his neck uneasily.

Remus felt a tear escape his eye, which he wiped hastily at so the others wouldn't notice. "Dumbledore asked me if I wanted him to erase the memory, but I rejected his offer…" he replied quietly, trying not to break down at the memory.

A quiet sob broke their silence and they turned, seeing Tonks standing in the doorway, her hair a dark blue and her eyes staring at Remus with wide tearful eyes. Remus stood immediately, his eyes wide with shock. He hadn't known she was standing there.

"Tonks…" he stated, his voice cracking a little, and she pressed her lips together, looking down at the floor. He crossed the room and took her hand into his, pulling her into the hallway out of ear shot from the others.

Tonks looked up at him with woeful eyes and Remus felt guilty. "I don't know what to say…" he murmured, suddenly feeling uncomfortable

Tonks swallowed and wiped at her cheeks. "Emily's the reason why you don't want to be with me, isn't it?"

Remus looked down ashamed but looked back up with her reluctantly. "Yes…"

Tonks suddenly embraced him and held him closely to her and Remus shocked himself by crying into her hair. He held her tightly and let out all the emotions that he had been carrying secretly with him for so long.

Tonks let him cry until he could cry no longer and he finally pulled back with a red bashful face and she smiled, wiping his tears away with her thumbs. She leaned in and felt him tense up under her hands. She glanced down at his lips before murmuring, "I'll be here whenever you are ready, Remus. I love you." She kissed him and then let him go, leaving him in the hallway in his own thoughts.