Sophomore

I always told myself that I would never fall in love with someone younger than me. But surprise, surprise the universe wanted it to happen.

The first time I saw him was the summer before I would officially become a sophomore. I was going to a movie marathon at my friend Anna’s house. I knew there was going to be a bunch of people there; some I knew some I didn’t. Knowing me with my anxiety, Anna made sure I was the first one there so I could meet everyone. The first few people that showed up I already knew from freshman year. We weren’t really friends, so Maggie, Zach, and Celina pretty much ignored me. I didn’t mind, I was used to being ignored.

The last person to show up was a guy I had never seen or met before. He was tall with chestnut hair and green eyes that seemed to be constantly filled with a smile or laughter. I learned that his name was Reid. We ended up sitting next to each other for the movie. Of course he hogged all the popcorn, but he made sure I got candy when it was being passed out. But the thing he did that night that really caught my attention was something no one had ever done before; he walked me to the door. After watching Insidious he knew I was a little jumpy, so when my mom came to pick me up he walked me all the way to the car. Saying a quick good-bye and slipping back inside.

Something so simple, but he had me.

When my sophomore year started I was a wreck. In my freshman year I had developed anxiety and it now caused me to be nervous even in the stupidest of situations. It helped that I knew people in some of my classes and as the day went on I was feeling a little better. When I got to my 6th period Biology class my stomach dropped; there in the second row was an ex-boyfriend who had recently discovered himself as a bisexual and my ex-best friend who had recently become a model.

After seeing them I didn’t pay attention to anything in the class. I didn’t see the tall, green-eyed boy looking at me, or the freckly ginger girl smiling at me, trying to make a friend. I ran out of that room as soon as possible. Why did the universe hate me?

A week or two later I was heading toward the bathroom before the bell for homeroom rang. I turned the corner for the middle hallway and ran into Anna, standing in a group of people.

“That’s Amanda Johnson.” She said my name and pointed to me as I joined the circle. I looked at her confused until another voice spoke.

“Well how did you expect me to recognize her? She had her hair up and wasn’t wearing glasses when we were watching movies.”

Only then did I notice Reid standing there next to Anna, looking intently at me.

Anna just laughed.

I was shocked; he had remembered exactly what I looked like that night.

“Hey, I think you’re in my Bio class. Mrs. Easterman, 6th period, right?” He questioned.

“Oh, I guess. I’ve been a little…distracted in that class.” He smiled and nodded his head.

From then on we were friends. He introduced me to the ginger girl in our Bio class whose name was Becky. We were usually inseparable in that class, except when Easterman decided to be a bitch and would purposely split us up because we always finished our work so quickly. Becky and Reid were both very smart when it came to sciences, me not so much. They usually just let me copy their answers and for that I was grateful. Reid would always tease me, but I didn’t care.

Homecoming was the game changer for me. At that point I had developed a crush on Reid. He had all the traits I was hoping for in a high school boyfriend: taller than me, funny, smart, and cute. I stalled as much as I could, lying and saying that I couldn’t find him on the bleachers in the rain when he texted me. The only reason I got up there that night was because my two best friends practically dragged me up there and pushed me down on to the bleacher right next to him. He smiled and my night was amazing. It was raining, there was good music and there was even a streaker at half time.

All was going good; until I found out he was a freshman. I mean I really didn’t mind that much, but it felt weird to me. I tried explaining this to my Abbey, my best friend. I didn’t expect her to understand because she had dated multiple guys who were younger than her. But she ended up giving me some great advice that showed me it didn’t matter.

“As long as he acts mature and treats you right, you shouldn’t have a problem. Age is beginning to become less and less significant.”

When she put it like that, I no longer cared if he was a year younger than me. I wanted him to like me. So for a while I tried to flirt with him. I would wear nicer clothes, smile at him, compliment him and laugh at his jokes. And silly me thought it was working. He would always make little jokes about liking me and he loved singing random Jason Mraz songs to me. I was just waiting for him to ask me out.

I clearly remember the day that my crush took a terrible blow. I was walking to my math class, right after Bio. I was smiling and telling Abbey about something cute Reid had said to me.

A short girl pushed right by me and muttered “Whore”. I was shocked.

“Excuse me?” I yelled out to the girl. Who the hell did she think she was?

The short girl, with long black hair turned to face me.

“The only reason you’re wearing a skirt that short is because you’re trying to impress MY boyfriend. I suggest you back off.” She somehow managed to sneer through her entire sentence.
At this point I was so lost.

“Who’s you’re boyfriend? I think you have me confused with some-“She didn’t even let me finish my sentence. She marched right up to me and whispered so only I could hear.

“Reid. My boyfriend is Reid and I don’t want you near him.” She slipped away through the crowded hall and left me standing there dazed.

Abbey had to drag me to math class; not that I paid attention. I was focused on Reid and how betrayed I felt. He led me on, made me think he liked me and never once mentioned that he had a girlfriend. I felt so stupid. Why would anyone want me?

My insecurities grew when I learned more about Reid’s girlfriend. Her name was Kristy and she was a cheerleader; a flexible cheerleader. She was pretty, prettier than me and she was in all advanced classes. Also a freshman, she made me feel stupid that she was passing me academically. I slowly withdrew myself from Reid; trying to keep our conversations short and science related. It didn’t help that every day, when class was over Kristy was right there waiting for Reid. It made me sick. Becky didn’t know. She just thought I couldn’t stand Kristy because she was a preppy cheerleader. If only she knew.

Abbey suggested that I find another guy to take my mind off of Reid. Conveniently so Anna’s 16th birthday party was that weekend. I knew Reid was going to be there, but Anna had a lot of guy friends; lots of possibilities.

It was there that I met Jay. It was silly how we met. Everyone was playing hide and seek in the woods. Jay and I ended up hiding behind the same tree. His blue eyes sparkled through the darkness. When a branch snapped near us, he grabbed my hand and we ran to the safe spot. And just like that, I started to forget Reid.

Jay and I got closer. We hung out a lot at school and he frequented my house. It seemed like we had a lot in common. We were both writers; him lyrics, me more stories and poems. I felt happy. He made me feel wanted; something I wasn’t used to feeling.

My friends were a mix of opinions when it came to Jay. Abbey wanted me to use him to get over Reid and she was excited that he was a year ahead of us. Anna wanted me to date him because he was a close friend of hers. Becky was the only one who didn’t want me to be with him.

“I don’t know what it is about him, but I don’t trust him. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

I promised her that I wouldn’t do anything stupid, but I really liked him. Of course, I somehow managed to break my promise. I did something really stupid and I felt horrible after. I felt guilty and Becky was the only one I would tell. Jay somehow convinced me to sleep with him. It was at the beach and it was horrible and I didn’t want anything to do with him afterwards. Becky was always around and would make up some excuse when people would ask why I was sad all the time. Reid started to hover, much to Kristy’s dismay. But he never seemed to notice that I was hiding from a specific person. And I did my best to stay away from Jay, but he always seemed to find me.

I never thought him to be one with a temper, but he proved me wrong.

I was running to English class. I was late because I had to stop at my locker. I somehow missed him standing in the middle of the hallway. I don’t think I would’ve noticed him if he hadn’t reached out and grabbed my arm. He spun me around to face him.

“Hey, we need to talk.” He maintained his grip on my arm.

“I’m sorry. Can we do this later? I need to get to class, I’m late.” I tried to twist out of his grip, but he wouldn’t let me go.

“No, it can’t wait. Why are you avoiding me? I devoted my past two months to you and you just decide it’s time to move on to a new guy? Who is it this time?” He started to shake me as he said this. Anger and jealousy covered his face. I was so scared. There were no cameras in this hallway. Nobody was walking by to see his fury.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. There isn’t anyone else. I just don’t want to be with you anymore. You have to understand-” He wouldn’t let me finish. He pushed me against the cold, white tile wall.

“Oh I perfectly understand. You’re a whore.” He looked away disgusted.

I began to cry. Tears ran down my face and sobs ripped through my chest.

He continued talking, spiting his words out at me.

“I can’t believe I wasted so much time on someone like you. “ He had me trapped with his hands braced on the wall on either side of my head.

“I can’t believe she wasted so much of her time on you.” A new voice echoed through the hallway. I turned my head to see Reid walking towards us. Jay automatically put a couple feet in between us. He also backed up from Reid. Reid being a foot taller and probably 50 pounds heavier with muscles wasn’t something Jay looked like he could handle. With one last sneer in my direction, Jay disappeared around the corner.

I felt Reid’s eyes on me. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes; to see him feeling sorry for me. I ran in the opposite direction of where Jay had left. I ran down the three flights of stairs, out the front doors, and all the way home.

Becky showed up at my house that night. Being the only person who knew the complete story, she wrapped her arms around me as I cried even more.

The next time I saw Reid, he didn’t say anything about what had happened. I appreciated him for that.

Everyone slipped back into an easy routine. I began to grow closer to Reid again and Jay left me alone. I knew I hadn’t lost my feelings for Reid and now I didn’t really care about Kristy. A few weeks prior Reid had told everyone that he was moving to Florida. I wanted to make my time with him count.

I finally confided in Becky about my feelings for Reid. Since he was moving, she thought it was a good idea to let him know how I felt. I was so nervous. I didn’t want to say it to his face. In the end I wrote him a note on a Friday.

Once Upon a Time, there was a girl who liked a boy. The only problem was that the boy had a girlfriend. Now this girl didn’t want to break the couple up. She just wanted the boy to know how she felt. What should the girl do?

I ended up giving Reid the note and practically running away. It took him until eleven that night to text me; to kindly let me down. To tell me that he was humbled by my note, that it was cute, and that him moving soon would hinder him from starting a relationship. After all, he had to end his current one.

And that’s exactly what he did. The next Monday, he and Kristy were no more. It didn’t even take her a week before she was dating a new guy and spreading rumors; rumors that surprisingly were about me and how Reid had cheated on her with me.

That’s how the school year ended. Kristy spreading rumors about me and Reid, and Reid acting like nothing had happened between us.

Anna told me that she knew Jay had a temper. We are no longer friends.

Becky is now the one I go to for advice. She never steers me wrong.

Reid moved to Florida.

He said good-bye to me. He hugged me and told me he loved me. The friend kind of love, because I don’t think he could admit to himself that he liked me, but that was okay with me. He pretty much made my sophomore year.