Cry Cry Baby

I woke up in this world. A world within the world that I exist in already. A world within me. It was green, this new world. Green and musty. I felt like vomiting. I didn't see anyone. I felt all alone in this world dyed in green.
I sat down and the ground felt like moss. I look around and noticed that the world had been washed in white. A stupid thought came to my mind.
"Am I God?" I said aloud, half-joking, "Is this world a canvas for me to paint mountains and valleys on?"
I giggled at the the thought. "I, Jacquelyn Alessia Bonaduce a god! Ha! There is now way that I could be cool enough for that. Moreover, this world was painted green which is not exactly my favourite colour. If I ruled it would be many beautiful colours. Like the Northern Lights." Funny enough, as I said this, the canvas turn the Northern Lights.
"Thank you invisible people!" I yelled.

Then I heard a sickly voice. I wasn't afraid though, because I recognized the voice. I called the voice Whisper. He was always there somehow, when I need to talk to someone. I don't know where he came from but I began hearing his voice after my father died when I was seven. I know what you're thinking dear reader, 'It must be your dad's ghost!' but I think not. This voice does not resemble my father. It is much much too hoarse, sickly and sad to be my father's voice. My father as always smiling and happy. He was so warm and friendly. He would cry sometimes though. I caught him crying over a picture of my mother a few times. I could tell that he truly loved her. He would often say to me, 'Jacquelyn, mio gattina, you look so much like your mother: dolche amore.'

I, on the other hand, have never met my mother. She died giving birth to me. It may sound cruel to say but I never had much feelings about that. It was hard to love someone who you have never met. Still, I am her daughter, I suppose I should feel some remorse or guilt that she gave her life in exchange for mine. And again this is where I become cruel. Whenever I think that I always say that death is apart of life and through death new life is found in Heaven or Hell depending on the person.

"I don't think that my mother went to Hell though. It would be such a shame to have her pretty skin eternally burnt like that," I said to half to Whisper, half to no one.
Whisper responded with a raspy, slow confused sound, which was expected.
"Well, 'beauty is something of little consequence and has no part in deciding one's eternal fate' is what Sister Pearl at my old school said when Lizzy Wells was putting on her make-up in class," I smiled, "I'm certain that Papa is in Heaven though, he was a kind man who never hurt anyone and always greeted people with a smile. Who knows? Maybe he's with Mama too. They could be up there living it up in Heaven together. He deserves it. Such a good man. I don't know why anyone would want him killed."

I remembered the blood splatter over my clothes that day and watched his body fall down. I remembered how I couldn't cry immediately because the shock was too much to process. I remembered how when I finally found myself, all I could do was scream and hold my head. I remembered how in an instant my world just broke like glass whose shards could not be found. I remembered waking up in a hospital bed and hearing the doctors tell me that I was in a coma for nine hours. But the worst of it was the heart-breaking look on my father's face when he saw mine as he was about to die, it was a look of acceptance and expectancy. It was a look that stirred something unpleasant in me.

"Hey Whisper, do you think I'm a hypocrite?" I asked.
He responded with the same eerie voice, but in a more inquiring tone. He couldn't talk. Only grunts and sounds. I taught him a few word though, like 'yes' and 'no'. My name proved to be too hard for him, so through that, the nick-name 'Jackie' was born.
"I mean, I go and live life saying that, death is something we all have to deal with and that it's not a big deal," I continued, "but when I start thinking about Papa, it's like the he's the most important thing ever." As I finished speaking I felt tears running down my cheeks, and then clammy hands to replace the tears on my cheeks. At first it shocked me, then it sent warm waves through my body and I once again felt calm. For some unknown reason, it was this very calm that made me cry more freely.
"Well, it's fun to have your own secret world where you can do as you please, but the world I was born in is calling me back now," I spoke more to myself than Whisper and - that's right, I still don't know Mr. Clammy Hands' name yet- and Mr. Clammy Hands. His hands covered my mouth and eyes. I only saw darkness. The hand on my eyes were gentle but the hands on my lips were firm and stifled my breathing. For some reason, I couldn't feel fear. Then with the same hand he forced my head down. I didn't resist because it felt natural. I heard my body thump against the floor but didn't feel it. The sound reverberated in my mind as I awoke in another world. A world that was cold and smelt like pine and leather. I was staring through glass and watching the nature go pass in beautiful blurs of yellow, green and pink. And there was a warmth on my face. That's right, I was in the world of a car. I was back in the 'real' world.
"Hey Mom, the alien is back to Earth!" he said while concentrating on his PSP.