Status: completed.
But We Don't Wanna Believe
I don't know who you are.
So this is the end of you and me
We had a good run and I'm setting you free
To do as you want, to do as you please
Without me
"We had a good run...I-I'm setting him free...So he can do whatever he wants..." I nodded slowly, glancing up from the Starbucks coffee cup my eyes had been glued to for the past twenty minutes.
"We both know you don't want this, Lanie." My best friend, Kate, said, locking her hazel eyes with my blue eyes. I quickly glanced back down at the cup, my heart aching.
She was right. I didn't want this. I didn't want the heartache. I didn't want all the crying. I didn't want to let go of him.
Remember when you were my boat and I was your sea?
Together we'd float so delicately
But that was back when we could talk about anything
"I need to find myself, Kate. I don't know who I am anymore." I confessed to her, my eyes falling back to the table. "I'm broken. All because of a guy." But that guy was my whole world.
Kate bit down on her bottom lip, I knew she had no idea what to say to me. Of course, I wouldn't know either. "B-but it wasn't your fault..." She said, her statement being completely true.
"But I can't just throw away five years. I can't pretend those five years never meant anything to me. I just...I don't want to let him go." I snapped back at her.
"But, you need to let him go. He cheated on you, Lanie. He fucking slept with his ex while you were in New York." She contorted, her voice much calmer than mine.
'Cause I don't know who I am
When you're running circles in my head
And I don't know just who you are
When you're sleeping in someone else's bed
My eyes shot up, throwing daggers at her. She was right, but I was too blind to believe it. I was too blind to believe that he didn't really love me. I wanted to be in love with him again. I wanted that boy I fell in love with five years ago back. I wanted the real Alex Gaskarth back, not the guy who slept with random girls from a show.
You see, five years ago, I moved to Baltimore from New York City. I planned on just living in Baltimore for school, never in a million years would I have ever planned on falling in love with someone. But I did. I fell for Alex Gaskarth, the one everyone told me to stay away from. I fell head over heels for him as soon as I met him. He was everything to me.
Three whole words and eight letters late
And that would have worked on me yesterday
We're not the same, I wish that could change
But it can't
"I-I-...I gotta go..." I said, pushing my chair away from the table, my eyes becoming blurry with tears, my hands shaking, my heart still blinded by love but somehow broken by deceit. "I'll talk to you later, yeah?" I nodded, quickly running out of the building. The cold winter air scraped against the bare skin of my face. I whinced at the harsh burn of the wind. As I reached my vehicle, I fumbled with my car keys, my phone started vibrating. A text message. Lovely, it's probably Kate begging me to come back so she could talk more of her idle sense into me.
Finally, I dug my keys out of my purse and unlocked the car before climbing inside. I sat there, staring blankly out the windshield, for what seem like eternity before I finally dug my phone out of my purse.
Alex.
I sighed, opening the text message hesitantly.
Are you busy? I really need to talk to you. The house...say around 7?
I guess.
Alright, see you then.
Why was I going to subject myself to this kind of pain?
And I'll say your name and in the same breath
I'll say something that I'll grow to regret
So keep your hands on your chest and sing with me
That we don't wanna believe
"A-Alex." I breathed out, I was captivated by him. I was captivated by the way his messy brown hair fell perfectly across his forehead, the way his brown eyes somehow sparkled in the moonlight. Everything about him was perfect.
"Lanie...come in." He nodded, stepping aside, motioning for me to come inside. "I'm really glad you agreed to this, you know. I just feel like the way things went down between us last night...they...it just shouldn't have happened they way they did." He said, his voice low almost unrecognizable. It scared me, to be quite honest.
'Cause I don't know who I am
When you're running circles in my head
And I don't know just who you are
When you're sleeping in someone else's bed
I just stared at him. Watching his every movement. My every thought was consumed by him. His memory was etched into the depths of my brain and I hated it. Everything we ever accomplished together was playing like a bad black and white movie in the back of my head. Everything - the good things, the bad things, the fights, the stupid things - everything was just there on file in my brain.
"L-Lanie...please...I just say something...anything?" He begged, desperately trying to lock his beautiful brown eyes with mine. But I wouldn't have it. I couldn't stand to look at him without falling in love with him all over again.
I shook my head, almost violently. "Alex...no, everything that happened...the way it happened needed to happen that way. If we would've just kissed and made up, we would be right back to square one. We'd run the same circle again. We'd get back together, things would be good until tour, you'd cheat on me in same way, and we'd have to go through this. Again." My voice was shakey, my breath uneven. Reluctantly, I tore my eyes away from him and aimed them at the hardwood floor. "I just don't know how many times my heart can take this kind of agony, you know?" I stated, breathlessly.
So it's true what they say,
If you love someone you should set them free
Oh it's true what they say,
You went and threw it away
"But we can work this out...we have before." He pleaded.
"Alex, this situation is different from anything else we've been through together. You cheated on me." I glanced up at him, my vision obstructed by the salty tears that were filling my eyes, and eventually finding their way down my cheeks. I shook my head, again, before wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. "I don't know who you are anymore."
I don't know who you are
Yeah, I don't know who you are
Alex knitted his eyebrows together in confusion. "But I'm the same Alex you fell in love with five years ago, Lanie." His voice raising in volume little by little. "I haven't changed at all. I'm still the same person I was when we met. Seasons change, not people, Lanie."
I cringed at the volume of his voice. He never yelled.
"But, yes, you have changed, 'Lex. You slept with your ex. You fucking promised me you would be faithful. You fucking promised me you would never hurt me in a million years. Do promises mean anything to you anymore?" I asked him, the tears practically flowing freely from my eyes.
'Cause I don't know who you are
When you sleep with somebody else.
'CauseI don't know who I am
When you're sleeping with her
And that was the night Alex and I broke it off for good.
It's true what they say when you love someone, you've gotta set them free. And that's exactly what I did to Alex. I was helplessly, madly, hopelessly in love with him but he hurt me beyond repair. He promised me forever, but he broke that promise without a thought or care in the world. So, I set him free. I let him go so he could be who he wanted to be, not who I wanted him to be. But somewhere, down deep in my soul I feel as if I had thrown it away when I shouldn't have...He is and forever will be the one great love of my life.
Its true what they say
Went and threw it away
We had a good run and I'm setting you free
To do as you want, to do as you please
Without me
"We had a good run...I-I'm setting him free...So he can do whatever he wants..." I nodded slowly, glancing up from the Starbucks coffee cup my eyes had been glued to for the past twenty minutes.
"We both know you don't want this, Lanie." My best friend, Kate, said, locking her hazel eyes with my blue eyes. I quickly glanced back down at the cup, my heart aching.
She was right. I didn't want this. I didn't want the heartache. I didn't want all the crying. I didn't want to let go of him.
Remember when you were my boat and I was your sea?
Together we'd float so delicately
But that was back when we could talk about anything
"I need to find myself, Kate. I don't know who I am anymore." I confessed to her, my eyes falling back to the table. "I'm broken. All because of a guy." But that guy was my whole world.
Kate bit down on her bottom lip, I knew she had no idea what to say to me. Of course, I wouldn't know either. "B-but it wasn't your fault..." She said, her statement being completely true.
"But I can't just throw away five years. I can't pretend those five years never meant anything to me. I just...I don't want to let him go." I snapped back at her.
"But, you need to let him go. He cheated on you, Lanie. He fucking slept with his ex while you were in New York." She contorted, her voice much calmer than mine.
'Cause I don't know who I am
When you're running circles in my head
And I don't know just who you are
When you're sleeping in someone else's bed
My eyes shot up, throwing daggers at her. She was right, but I was too blind to believe it. I was too blind to believe that he didn't really love me. I wanted to be in love with him again. I wanted that boy I fell in love with five years ago back. I wanted the real Alex Gaskarth back, not the guy who slept with random girls from a show.
You see, five years ago, I moved to Baltimore from New York City. I planned on just living in Baltimore for school, never in a million years would I have ever planned on falling in love with someone. But I did. I fell for Alex Gaskarth, the one everyone told me to stay away from. I fell head over heels for him as soon as I met him. He was everything to me.
Three whole words and eight letters late
And that would have worked on me yesterday
We're not the same, I wish that could change
But it can't
"I-I-...I gotta go..." I said, pushing my chair away from the table, my eyes becoming blurry with tears, my hands shaking, my heart still blinded by love but somehow broken by deceit. "I'll talk to you later, yeah?" I nodded, quickly running out of the building. The cold winter air scraped against the bare skin of my face. I whinced at the harsh burn of the wind. As I reached my vehicle, I fumbled with my car keys, my phone started vibrating. A text message. Lovely, it's probably Kate begging me to come back so she could talk more of her idle sense into me.
Finally, I dug my keys out of my purse and unlocked the car before climbing inside. I sat there, staring blankly out the windshield, for what seem like eternity before I finally dug my phone out of my purse.
Alex.
I sighed, opening the text message hesitantly.
Are you busy? I really need to talk to you. The house...say around 7?
I guess.
Alright, see you then.
Why was I going to subject myself to this kind of pain?
And I'll say your name and in the same breath
I'll say something that I'll grow to regret
So keep your hands on your chest and sing with me
That we don't wanna believe
"A-Alex." I breathed out, I was captivated by him. I was captivated by the way his messy brown hair fell perfectly across his forehead, the way his brown eyes somehow sparkled in the moonlight. Everything about him was perfect.
"Lanie...come in." He nodded, stepping aside, motioning for me to come inside. "I'm really glad you agreed to this, you know. I just feel like the way things went down between us last night...they...it just shouldn't have happened they way they did." He said, his voice low almost unrecognizable. It scared me, to be quite honest.
'Cause I don't know who I am
When you're running circles in my head
And I don't know just who you are
When you're sleeping in someone else's bed
I just stared at him. Watching his every movement. My every thought was consumed by him. His memory was etched into the depths of my brain and I hated it. Everything we ever accomplished together was playing like a bad black and white movie in the back of my head. Everything - the good things, the bad things, the fights, the stupid things - everything was just there on file in my brain.
"L-Lanie...please...I just say something...anything?" He begged, desperately trying to lock his beautiful brown eyes with mine. But I wouldn't have it. I couldn't stand to look at him without falling in love with him all over again.
I shook my head, almost violently. "Alex...no, everything that happened...the way it happened needed to happen that way. If we would've just kissed and made up, we would be right back to square one. We'd run the same circle again. We'd get back together, things would be good until tour, you'd cheat on me in same way, and we'd have to go through this. Again." My voice was shakey, my breath uneven. Reluctantly, I tore my eyes away from him and aimed them at the hardwood floor. "I just don't know how many times my heart can take this kind of agony, you know?" I stated, breathlessly.
So it's true what they say,
If you love someone you should set them free
Oh it's true what they say,
You went and threw it away
"But we can work this out...we have before." He pleaded.
"Alex, this situation is different from anything else we've been through together. You cheated on me." I glanced up at him, my vision obstructed by the salty tears that were filling my eyes, and eventually finding their way down my cheeks. I shook my head, again, before wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. "I don't know who you are anymore."
I don't know who you are
Yeah, I don't know who you are
Alex knitted his eyebrows together in confusion. "But I'm the same Alex you fell in love with five years ago, Lanie." His voice raising in volume little by little. "I haven't changed at all. I'm still the same person I was when we met. Seasons change, not people, Lanie."
I cringed at the volume of his voice. He never yelled.
"But, yes, you have changed, 'Lex. You slept with your ex. You fucking promised me you would be faithful. You fucking promised me you would never hurt me in a million years. Do promises mean anything to you anymore?" I asked him, the tears practically flowing freely from my eyes.
'Cause I don't know who you are
When you sleep with somebody else.
'CauseI don't know who I am
When you're sleeping with her
And that was the night Alex and I broke it off for good.
It's true what they say when you love someone, you've gotta set them free. And that's exactly what I did to Alex. I was helplessly, madly, hopelessly in love with him but he hurt me beyond repair. He promised me forever, but he broke that promise without a thought or care in the world. So, I set him free. I let him go so he could be who he wanted to be, not who I wanted him to be. But somewhere, down deep in my soul I feel as if I had thrown it away when I shouldn't have...He is and forever will be the one great love of my life.
Its true what they say
Went and threw it away