Status: I'll be updating every Sunday!
How to Be a Princess
Blood on the Snow
A note from the author:
Okay, so we're fast forwarding the story to when Quinn aka Snow White first appears, because the first few minutes are about the Queen and I don't give two shits about her.
As soon as Quinn exited the story portal she found herself sitting on the steps of a castle with a bucket and a brush. There were doves everywhere, watching her every move for some reason. Quinn growled, and dumped the contents of the bucket on a few of them. The rest of the birds let out squawks of surprise and terror and flew away.
"I fucking hate birds." Quinn grumbled and got up to draw more water from the well. She wasn't completely sure what she was supposed to do as Snow White had been too pissed off to tell her anything. "Fucking stuck up vampire ass bitch." she mumbled as she stared down into the well.
As she drew the water from the well she paused and looked around. "Why the fuck am I even doing this shit?" she asked herself and dropped the bucket into the well.
"Hello there!" someone chirped from behind her and she turned to see a brown haired man wearing tights and an ugly ass blue and white shirt.
"Uh, hi." Quinn said slowly, she was pretty sure that the man was the prince, but something was...Off about him. For one thing, his stance mirrored hers and his hair was really-
"Holy shit, you're gay." Quinn deadpanned.
The man paled and held up his hands. "What? No! No no no no! I am most definitely not gay! I mean, hello!" he gestured at his body "Does this look like a gay guy's body, I think not!"
Quinn rolled her eyes. "I know a gay guy when I see one and you are by far the gayest gay guy that I have ever seen."
The man gulped and twirled a lock of his hair between his thumb and forefinger. "Okay, I'm gay, but please don't tell anyone! Especially not my dad, I haven't exactly come out of the armor yet, if you know what I mean."
Oddly enough, Quinn found that she liked the guy even though he was using that irritating femme boy voice that she hated. What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she being so...So nice?!
"Don't worry, I'm good at keeping secrets. Name's Quinn, you?" she asked and the guy smiled.
"I'm at Prince Frederick Florian, but you can call me Flora."
Sooo Gay. Quinn thought but before she could say anything a man dressed in green with a shitty hairstyle came out.
Flora's eyes widened and he dashed back the way he came.
Quinn rolled her eyes. "Not only gay, but a complete man pussy too." she grumbled as the new man strode towards her.
"The Queen has demanded that you go out and pick flowers!" he shouted at her and she curled her lip in irritation.
"If she wants flowers so fucking much, why can't she get them herself?" she shouted back and the man reached for her arm. Before he could even react, Quinn kneed him in the crotch and grabbed the dagger that was strapped to his side. "DIE BITCH!" she yelled and plunged the blade into his stomach.
Suddenly everything and everyone froze, except Quinn and Rapunzel appeared in front of her. The long haired princess sighed in exasperation.
"Really Quinn? He was going to let you live anyway!" she snapped
Quinn blinked, "Huh?"
Rapunzel rolled her eyes, "He was the huntsman! He was supposed to take you out into the woods and kill you but he was going to have a change of heart and let you live! But now he's dead, so you'll have to go by yourself. Oh and find the dwarves." she explained before she poofed away.
Quinn grumbled to herself angrily and stomped off into the woods, that had suddenly appeared beside her. "Fucking Disney." she muttered
As she walked through the woods she noticed a couple of squirrels and other woodland creatures creeping along beside her. They chirping and squeaking happily, while chasing each other and a few of them even attempted to latch onto Quinn.
"Clearly you didn't see what happened to the birds." she said darkly and lashed out at an owl that flew too close. "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" she roared and the animals fled.
Soon, she found herself at a fork in the road. One path was covered in leaves and the other was covered with child sized foot prints. She frowned and wondered which way she should go before remembering who she was looking for.
"Midgets, duh." she murmured and took the path with the footprints. There was a large house with a small doorway at the end of the path and the chimney was smoking.
She knocked on the door and when she didn't receive a response she kicked it down. There was some shouting and the clanging of medal before 6 short men, came charging towards her. The tallest one slammed his hammer down in front of her.
"Who the FUCK are you?"
Okay, so we're fast forwarding the story to when Quinn aka Snow White first appears, because the first few minutes are about the Queen and I don't give two shits about her.
As soon as Quinn exited the story portal she found herself sitting on the steps of a castle with a bucket and a brush. There were doves everywhere, watching her every move for some reason. Quinn growled, and dumped the contents of the bucket on a few of them. The rest of the birds let out squawks of surprise and terror and flew away.
"I fucking hate birds." Quinn grumbled and got up to draw more water from the well. She wasn't completely sure what she was supposed to do as Snow White had been too pissed off to tell her anything. "Fucking stuck up vampire ass bitch." she mumbled as she stared down into the well.
As she drew the water from the well she paused and looked around. "Why the fuck am I even doing this shit?" she asked herself and dropped the bucket into the well.
"Hello there!" someone chirped from behind her and she turned to see a brown haired man wearing tights and an ugly ass blue and white shirt.
"Uh, hi." Quinn said slowly, she was pretty sure that the man was the prince, but something was...Off about him. For one thing, his stance mirrored hers and his hair was really-
"Holy shit, you're gay." Quinn deadpanned.
The man paled and held up his hands. "What? No! No no no no! I am most definitely not gay! I mean, hello!" he gestured at his body "Does this look like a gay guy's body, I think not!"
Quinn rolled her eyes. "I know a gay guy when I see one and you are by far the gayest gay guy that I have ever seen."
The man gulped and twirled a lock of his hair between his thumb and forefinger. "Okay, I'm gay, but please don't tell anyone! Especially not my dad, I haven't exactly come out of the armor yet, if you know what I mean."
Oddly enough, Quinn found that she liked the guy even though he was using that irritating femme boy voice that she hated. What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she being so...So nice?!
"Don't worry, I'm good at keeping secrets. Name's Quinn, you?" she asked and the guy smiled.
"I'm at Prince Frederick Florian, but you can call me Flora."
Sooo Gay. Quinn thought but before she could say anything a man dressed in green with a shitty hairstyle came out.
Flora's eyes widened and he dashed back the way he came.
Quinn rolled her eyes. "Not only gay, but a complete man pussy too." she grumbled as the new man strode towards her.
"The Queen has demanded that you go out and pick flowers!" he shouted at her and she curled her lip in irritation.
"If she wants flowers so fucking much, why can't she get them herself?" she shouted back and the man reached for her arm. Before he could even react, Quinn kneed him in the crotch and grabbed the dagger that was strapped to his side. "DIE BITCH!" she yelled and plunged the blade into his stomach.
Suddenly everything and everyone froze, except Quinn and Rapunzel appeared in front of her. The long haired princess sighed in exasperation.
"Really Quinn? He was going to let you live anyway!" she snapped
Quinn blinked, "Huh?"
Rapunzel rolled her eyes, "He was the huntsman! He was supposed to take you out into the woods and kill you but he was going to have a change of heart and let you live! But now he's dead, so you'll have to go by yourself. Oh and find the dwarves." she explained before she poofed away.
Quinn grumbled to herself angrily and stomped off into the woods, that had suddenly appeared beside her. "Fucking Disney." she muttered
As she walked through the woods she noticed a couple of squirrels and other woodland creatures creeping along beside her. They chirping and squeaking happily, while chasing each other and a few of them even attempted to latch onto Quinn.
"Clearly you didn't see what happened to the birds." she said darkly and lashed out at an owl that flew too close. "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" she roared and the animals fled.
Soon, she found herself at a fork in the road. One path was covered in leaves and the other was covered with child sized foot prints. She frowned and wondered which way she should go before remembering who she was looking for.
"Midgets, duh." she murmured and took the path with the footprints. There was a large house with a small doorway at the end of the path and the chimney was smoking.
She knocked on the door and when she didn't receive a response she kicked it down. There was some shouting and the clanging of medal before 6 short men, came charging towards her. The tallest one slammed his hammer down in front of her.
"Who the FUCK are you?"