Status: I'll be updating every Sunday!
How to Be a Princess
F the Queen
Quinn flung open the door and glowered at the mailman who was standing there.
“It’s just the mailman, you wimpy sons of bitches.” She called over her shoulder and snatched the bundle of letters, and packages out of his arms.
“Wait! Those aren’t all your-
Quinn slammed the door and dropped the mail in front of Doc. But before the leader could inspect it, Grumpy shoved him out of the way and began rifling through the packages before ripping one open and taking out a small comb and a tube of-
“Aw fuck man, that’s disgusting!” Quinn exclaimed, while backing away.
“FUCK YOU!” Grumpy cried and ran off to soothe his crotch.
Doc grabbed the rest of the letters and tossed the ones that weren’t addressed to them to the side. He pulled out a large poster from the under the pile and stared at it for a moment before showing it to everyone else.
It was a really bad drawing of some woman, with huge boobs that were drawn with great detail. Doc grinned and smacked his lips. “Mhmm...I’ll jack to that!”
Quinn rolled her eyes and snatched the poster from him. “Sure, if you’re into necrophilia.” She pulled another poster from under the pile that seemed to come with the poster she was holding. She read aloud, “Masked murderer wanted for the assassination of busty and succulent housemaid.”
Silence ensued for a good five minutes, then all hell broke loose.
“AAACHOO-HEY! A MURDERER? THERE’S A MURDERER ON THE LOOSE?!” Sneezy screamed
“Are we going to die? We’re going to die? I never told mummy I loved her! I never told mummy I forgave her!” Grumpy whimpered, while squirting his crab cream into his pants.
Quinn leaned against the wall and watched as the dwarfs began freaking out. Even Happy who was passed out, pissed himself. Sleepy however seemed to be the most nervous. He was glancing left and right, and chewing on his fingernails. When he saw Quinn staring at him he, got up and leaped onto the nearest table.
“IT MUST BE THE QUEEN! THE EVIL QUEEN, SHE MUST HAVE DONE IT! Quinn, you have to kill the Queen and take your rightful place as Queen!” he cried and immediately all eyes were on her.
“You little fuck face.” Quinn snarled. She had been planning to sneak out the back and leave the dwarfs to fend for themselves. “Wait a minute, how the fuck did you know I was a princess?” she demanded, pretty sure she hadn’t mentioned that fact.
Sneezy’s eyes widened, “I-Uh..You—
But before he could answer Doc interrupted him, “So not only are you my very important pussy, you’re my very important royal pussy!” He licked his lips and wagged his tongue at her.
“If you don’t put that tongue back inside your mouth, I will tear it out and shove it up your ass.” Quinn snarled. Because Doc had interrupted her and Sneezy, the ‘sleepy bastard’ had taken the chance to run off.
“Okay, okay! I get it, you wanna toss the salad after we kill the Queen.” Doc said with a knowing look.
Suddenly everything froze and Quinn sighed as Rapunzel poofed into the room.
“Hey Pussy!” the blonde chirped
Quinn narrowed her eyes at her. “Fuck you just call me, bitch?”
Rapunzel grinned nervously and used her extensions to form a barrier between her and the pissed teen. “Sorry, I was just trying to kiss your ass before I gave you some excruciatingly painful anal.”
“What? Why are you being so...Pervy?” the teen asked
“Cause I’m thorny...I mean horny. Anyway, Madame told me to tell you that some dick wad is going around offing people in this story. And she thinks its cause Snow White was being such an iron beef curtain. Anywaaaaaaay ah uh ah uh UH UHN UHNN YEAAAAHHHhhh-
Suddenly Rapunzel began doing pelvic thrust to a frozen Grumpy and Quinn slapped her. “Don’t touch him! He has crabs and possibly other diseases.”
“Oh! Oh! Thanks, girl. Thanks boy! Whatever...OH! I was saying- I was saying that, oh yeah Madame said that you have to catch him in order for the story to end. So fuck the Queen. FUCK THE QUEEN! FUCK HER! FUCK HEEEERRR!” Rapunzel roared and poofed away.
Five minutes passed without the scene starting up again and Quinn sighed. “Rapunzel get your ass back here and start the scene!”
Rapunzel poofed back in and stared at Quinn for a few minutes, before leaning forward and whispering. “I’m on ecstasy...”
“Figures.” Quinn scoffed.
“What figures?” Doc asked and Quinn jumped as she wasn’t aware that the scene had started.
“Nothing let’s go kill the Queen.”
“It’s just the mailman, you wimpy sons of bitches.” She called over her shoulder and snatched the bundle of letters, and packages out of his arms.
“Wait! Those aren’t all your-
Quinn slammed the door and dropped the mail in front of Doc. But before the leader could inspect it, Grumpy shoved him out of the way and began rifling through the packages before ripping one open and taking out a small comb and a tube of-
“Aw fuck man, that’s disgusting!” Quinn exclaimed, while backing away.
“FUCK YOU!” Grumpy cried and ran off to soothe his crotch.
Doc grabbed the rest of the letters and tossed the ones that weren’t addressed to them to the side. He pulled out a large poster from the under the pile and stared at it for a moment before showing it to everyone else.
It was a really bad drawing of some woman, with huge boobs that were drawn with great detail. Doc grinned and smacked his lips. “Mhmm...I’ll jack to that!”
Quinn rolled her eyes and snatched the poster from him. “Sure, if you’re into necrophilia.” She pulled another poster from under the pile that seemed to come with the poster she was holding. She read aloud, “Masked murderer wanted for the assassination of busty and succulent housemaid.”
Silence ensued for a good five minutes, then all hell broke loose.
“AAACHOO-HEY! A MURDERER? THERE’S A MURDERER ON THE LOOSE?!” Sneezy screamed
“Are we going to die? We’re going to die? I never told mummy I loved her! I never told mummy I forgave her!” Grumpy whimpered, while squirting his crab cream into his pants.
Quinn leaned against the wall and watched as the dwarfs began freaking out. Even Happy who was passed out, pissed himself. Sleepy however seemed to be the most nervous. He was glancing left and right, and chewing on his fingernails. When he saw Quinn staring at him he, got up and leaped onto the nearest table.
“IT MUST BE THE QUEEN! THE EVIL QUEEN, SHE MUST HAVE DONE IT! Quinn, you have to kill the Queen and take your rightful place as Queen!” he cried and immediately all eyes were on her.
“You little fuck face.” Quinn snarled. She had been planning to sneak out the back and leave the dwarfs to fend for themselves. “Wait a minute, how the fuck did you know I was a princess?” she demanded, pretty sure she hadn’t mentioned that fact.
Sneezy’s eyes widened, “I-Uh..You—
But before he could answer Doc interrupted him, “So not only are you my very important pussy, you’re my very important royal pussy!” He licked his lips and wagged his tongue at her.
“If you don’t put that tongue back inside your mouth, I will tear it out and shove it up your ass.” Quinn snarled. Because Doc had interrupted her and Sneezy, the ‘sleepy bastard’ had taken the chance to run off.
“Okay, okay! I get it, you wanna toss the salad after we kill the Queen.” Doc said with a knowing look.
Suddenly everything froze and Quinn sighed as Rapunzel poofed into the room.
“Hey Pussy!” the blonde chirped
Quinn narrowed her eyes at her. “Fuck you just call me, bitch?”
Rapunzel grinned nervously and used her extensions to form a barrier between her and the pissed teen. “Sorry, I was just trying to kiss your ass before I gave you some excruciatingly painful anal.”
“What? Why are you being so...Pervy?” the teen asked
“Cause I’m thorny...I mean horny. Anyway, Madame told me to tell you that some dick wad is going around offing people in this story. And she thinks its cause Snow White was being such an iron beef curtain. Anywaaaaaaay ah uh ah uh UH UHN UHNN YEAAAAHHHhhh-
Suddenly Rapunzel began doing pelvic thrust to a frozen Grumpy and Quinn slapped her. “Don’t touch him! He has crabs and possibly other diseases.”
“Oh! Oh! Thanks, girl. Thanks boy! Whatever...OH! I was saying- I was saying that, oh yeah Madame said that you have to catch him in order for the story to end. So fuck the Queen. FUCK THE QUEEN! FUCK HER! FUCK HEEEERRR!” Rapunzel roared and poofed away.
Five minutes passed without the scene starting up again and Quinn sighed. “Rapunzel get your ass back here and start the scene!”
Rapunzel poofed back in and stared at Quinn for a few minutes, before leaning forward and whispering. “I’m on ecstasy...”
“Figures.” Quinn scoffed.
“What figures?” Doc asked and Quinn jumped as she wasn’t aware that the scene had started.
“Nothing let’s go kill the Queen.”