Status: I'll be updating every Sunday!
How to Be a Princess
The Prettiest B in Town
Quinn was extremely close to grabbing one of the dwarf’s axes and decapitating all of the irritating little bastards along with himself. They had been walking through the forest trying to find the fork in the road that led to the Queen’s castle and the dwarfs thought that playing ‘I spy’ would be a good way to pass the time.
It wasn’t.
Doc kept ‘spying’ Quinn’s ass. Grumpy refused to participate, Sneezy couldn’t even manage to spy anything without having a sneezing fit, Happy kept spying Dopey who wasn’t fucking real. Sleepy had returned after a few minutes and was now being carried by Bashful who was surprisingly strong for his size.
“I spy, something round, perfect, and scrumptious looking.” Doc purred next to Quinn who glowered at him.
Doc grinned, “You wanna know what it is, babe?”
“I don’t give a shit.” The teen snapped
“It’s your ass.” Doc whispered, quirking his eyebrows and flicking his tongue at him.
“Can we please just find this damn castle or can something interesting happen right now?” Quinn groaned. After awhile he had found that his threats didn’t work on Doc, because apparently he was a masochist, and kicking him in the nuts just made him happy.
Suddenly a twig snapped behind them and a few leaves rustled.
“OH DWARF LORD WHAT WAS THAT?” Grumpy screamed, clinging to Doc, who squirmed out of his grasp and hid behind Quinn.
“Ugh! Seriously! How old are you guys? Quit hiding behind me and grow a dick!” he yelled, just as a figure leaped out of the bushes and struck a pose.
“Oh Flora, it’s just you.” Quinn said
“Quinny-Bear!” the prince squealed and wrapped the teen up in a hug. “I was looking for you! I heard about that evil bitch of a Queen’s Plastic Emporium and-
Quinn blinked and extracted himself from the prince’s hold. “The what emporium?” he repeated, the dwarfs nodded looking confused.
“Oh you didn’t hear? After you disappeared the Queen went like insane! She destroyed the castle and had a Plastic Emporium built on top of the rubble.” Quinn placed a hand on Flora’s mouth to keep him from talking.
Geez, it’s like he has verbal diarrhea. Quinn thought.
“But what’s the plastic emporium?” he asked
“Well, apparently the Queen has magical powers and an inferiority complex, so she breezed through the kingdom and turned all of the young women into plastic mannequins. I heard she’s taking all of their beautiful parts and making one huge mannequin in the basement of the emporium and she’s going to put her soul in it so she can be the prettiest bitch in town.”
...
“That is the most extreme and freakiest shit that I have ever heard.” Quinn deadpanned and Flora nodded enthusiastically, while checking out Bashfuls’ ass.
“Hey there sexy. I haven’t seen you around.” The prince drawled as he danced over to the blushing dwarf who abruptly dropped Sleepy on to the ground.
“Guess you’ve been looking in all the wrong places.” Bashful purred in a baritone voice.
“The fuck?” Quinn asked looking at Doc who shrugged.
“Yeah, so unfitting right?”
Quinn curled his lip in disgust as Bashful and Flora began sloppily making out. Bashfuls’ tongue was literally licking all over Flora’s mouth area, but the prince didn’t seem to mind.
“So I guess, the murderer is actually the Queen?” Quinn said to himself, and Flora stopped kissing Bashful for a second.
“Actually, I witnessed one of the murders and the guy doing the strangling was really short. And a guy. In fact he was kind of you guys size.” He said gesturing to the dwarfs.
As soon as those words left the prince’s mouth, Sleepy shot to his feet. “IT MUST BE THE QUEEN! SHE’S TRYING TO FRAME US, SO SHE SHAPE SHIFTED INTO A DWARF!” he cried and the other dwarfs nodded in agreement.
Quinn rolled his eyes. That is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. Who would shape shift into a fucking dwarf to murder people? But he knew from experience that when Sleepy got nervous he ran off, so the teen said nothing.
“So do you know the quickest way to get to the castle?” Quinn asked Flora who was getting really hands-y with Bashful.
“Oh yeah, its back the way I came, I’ll come with you guys.”
It took them 15 minutes to reach the plastic emporium, but it was worth the wait. In the place of the old castle was a very large, very modern looking skyscraper, with a large neon sign that read “Get Plastered at the Plastic Emporium.”
“Holy shit.” Quinn said, staring up at the tall building. “There has to be at least fifty fucking levels, how the fuck are we supposed to find the Queen?”
“Well I heard that there’s an elevator.” Flora said as they cautiously entered the skyscraper, only to see that the elevators had a huge “Out of order bitches” sign in front of it.
“Fucking wonderful.” Quinn growled
It wasn’t.
Doc kept ‘spying’ Quinn’s ass. Grumpy refused to participate, Sneezy couldn’t even manage to spy anything without having a sneezing fit, Happy kept spying Dopey who wasn’t fucking real. Sleepy had returned after a few minutes and was now being carried by Bashful who was surprisingly strong for his size.
“I spy, something round, perfect, and scrumptious looking.” Doc purred next to Quinn who glowered at him.
Doc grinned, “You wanna know what it is, babe?”
“I don’t give a shit.” The teen snapped
“It’s your ass.” Doc whispered, quirking his eyebrows and flicking his tongue at him.
“Can we please just find this damn castle or can something interesting happen right now?” Quinn groaned. After awhile he had found that his threats didn’t work on Doc, because apparently he was a masochist, and kicking him in the nuts just made him happy.
Suddenly a twig snapped behind them and a few leaves rustled.
“OH DWARF LORD WHAT WAS THAT?” Grumpy screamed, clinging to Doc, who squirmed out of his grasp and hid behind Quinn.
“Ugh! Seriously! How old are you guys? Quit hiding behind me and grow a dick!” he yelled, just as a figure leaped out of the bushes and struck a pose.
“Oh Flora, it’s just you.” Quinn said
“Quinny-Bear!” the prince squealed and wrapped the teen up in a hug. “I was looking for you! I heard about that evil bitch of a Queen’s Plastic Emporium and-
Quinn blinked and extracted himself from the prince’s hold. “The what emporium?” he repeated, the dwarfs nodded looking confused.
“Oh you didn’t hear? After you disappeared the Queen went like insane! She destroyed the castle and had a Plastic Emporium built on top of the rubble.” Quinn placed a hand on Flora’s mouth to keep him from talking.
Geez, it’s like he has verbal diarrhea. Quinn thought.
“But what’s the plastic emporium?” he asked
“Well, apparently the Queen has magical powers and an inferiority complex, so she breezed through the kingdom and turned all of the young women into plastic mannequins. I heard she’s taking all of their beautiful parts and making one huge mannequin in the basement of the emporium and she’s going to put her soul in it so she can be the prettiest bitch in town.”
...
“That is the most extreme and freakiest shit that I have ever heard.” Quinn deadpanned and Flora nodded enthusiastically, while checking out Bashfuls’ ass.
“Hey there sexy. I haven’t seen you around.” The prince drawled as he danced over to the blushing dwarf who abruptly dropped Sleepy on to the ground.
“Guess you’ve been looking in all the wrong places.” Bashful purred in a baritone voice.
“The fuck?” Quinn asked looking at Doc who shrugged.
“Yeah, so unfitting right?”
Quinn curled his lip in disgust as Bashful and Flora began sloppily making out. Bashfuls’ tongue was literally licking all over Flora’s mouth area, but the prince didn’t seem to mind.
“So I guess, the murderer is actually the Queen?” Quinn said to himself, and Flora stopped kissing Bashful for a second.
“Actually, I witnessed one of the murders and the guy doing the strangling was really short. And a guy. In fact he was kind of you guys size.” He said gesturing to the dwarfs.
As soon as those words left the prince’s mouth, Sleepy shot to his feet. “IT MUST BE THE QUEEN! SHE’S TRYING TO FRAME US, SO SHE SHAPE SHIFTED INTO A DWARF!” he cried and the other dwarfs nodded in agreement.
Quinn rolled his eyes. That is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. Who would shape shift into a fucking dwarf to murder people? But he knew from experience that when Sleepy got nervous he ran off, so the teen said nothing.
“So do you know the quickest way to get to the castle?” Quinn asked Flora who was getting really hands-y with Bashful.
“Oh yeah, its back the way I came, I’ll come with you guys.”
It took them 15 minutes to reach the plastic emporium, but it was worth the wait. In the place of the old castle was a very large, very modern looking skyscraper, with a large neon sign that read “Get Plastered at the Plastic Emporium.”
“Holy shit.” Quinn said, staring up at the tall building. “There has to be at least fifty fucking levels, how the fuck are we supposed to find the Queen?”
“Well I heard that there’s an elevator.” Flora said as they cautiously entered the skyscraper, only to see that the elevators had a huge “Out of order bitches” sign in front of it.
“Fucking wonderful.” Quinn growled
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