Status: I'll be updating every Sunday!

How to Be a Princess

Lightening the Load

“Are we there yet?”

“No.”

“Are we theeerree yet?”

“I said, no.”

“Dopey’s tired, are we there y-

Quinn released a roar of anger and slammed her foot into Happy’s face. The force of her kick caused him to stumble backwards and fall down the eight flights of stairs that they had climbed up. The dwarf’s body lay crumpled at the bottom of the stairs, twitching. Finally after about ten seconds, his body stopped moving completely.

“Holy shit.” The remaining dwarfs breathed, backing away from Quinn a little.

“If anyone else asks me if we’re there yet, you’ll end up like that fucker. Got it?” The teen snarled, and everyone nodded.

Flora sighed happily, and looped his arm around Quinn’s. “Oh if only I could slaughter people ruthlessly like you! I once broke the nose of one of my enemies and cried for days afterwards! I just can’t bring myself to hurt people, like you Quinny- Bear!”

Is that a compliment or an insult... Quinn thought, but said nothing. She was too busy fuming internally. She hadn’t even met the Queen and she already hated the bitch with a passion. She had first thought that she could make a deal with the woman and leave without having to get her hands dirty, but that was out of the question now. As soon as she spotted the bitch, she planned to hack her to pieces with Doc’s pick axe.

Suddenly a loud scream erupted from the door leading to the 7th floor and they all ran down the stairs to see what was going on. They entered the hallway just in time to see a ginger haired girl, getting dragged kicking and screaming down the hall by two faceless—

“Hold the fuck up. Are those...Mannequins?” Quinn asked.

As the group approached, they saw that the faceless beings were indeed two large male mannequins.

“HELP ME! OH GAWD PLEASE HELP ME!” the ginger girl screamed, tears streaming down her ugly blotchy freckled face.

“I thought the Queen only wanted pretty girls? Why the hell is she taking that?” Quinn snorted

Doc looked the screaming girl over and pointed at her chest. “Her tits are completely even.”

The group nodded in realization.

“Shouldn’t we help her?” Bashful asked and Quinn shook her head.

“Nah, we need to see where they’re taking her first. They’ll probably lead us right to the Queen.”
They followed the mannequins and their prisoner to a pair of double doors that read ‘The Boobs and Body Parts: Where your lack of self esteem can be cured by a new body part.’ The mannequins entered, and before Quinn, Flora and the dwarfs could follow, a loud scream was heard and the mannequins exited the room with blood covering their plastic bodies.

“...Um, Quinny-Bear I love you, but I am too beautiful for this crazy shit!” Flora shrieked and high tailed it back to the staircase, with Bashful in tow.

“Fucking pussy!” Quinn growled and flung open the doors.

There were boobs everywhere. They were mounted on the walls, in glass cases, some of them were even still on chests. It was horrifying.

“I’m in heaven.” Doc breathed, a bit of blood tricking out of his nose.

“You sick fuck.” Quinn snapped and kept walking past all of the boobs. “Let’s get a move on, obviously the queen isn’t here—

“Wrong!” A woman’s voice trilled from somewhere in the room. “I am here and I am boob shopping for the perfect set of tits!”

Quinn turned to see a cloaked figure hiding in the shadows, but before she could say anything or kill her, music started to play. “Oh fuck no.” She grumbled, holding her hand to her head. “Fucking Disney.”

(This song should be read while screaming like a fucking lunatic.)
“When I was a young girl
I was such a pearl
Everyone around thought I was
The prettiest bitch in town!
But then you were born
And for some fucking reason everyone thought you were adorable!
Even after you popped out of your mom’s pussy (killing her in the process!)
And you were nothing but a pink, wrinkly, whiny little SHIT!
Everyone thought you were it
Girl! So I decided to create this Plastic Emporium
So that I could be the oooonnee!
I don’t give a shit about royalty! I don’t wanna wear a fucking crown!
I just wanna be! Oh I just want to beeee!
The prettiest.
BITCH
IN
TOOOOWWWNN!”


Suddenly the cloaked figure ripped her cloak off to reveal, a hideous stitched up creature. She had two different eyes, six different skin tones and-

“Why do you have bird wings, bear claws, and a mother fucking beak?” Quinn asked, making a peace sign behind her back. That was what Quinn and the dwarfs decided would be there signal to hand her an axe as soon as possible.

“BECAUSE I’M FUCKING BAD ASS THAT’S WHY!” The Queen thing, screeched and dashed forward, slicing the air with her huge claws.

Quinn braced herself, and as soon as the Queen got within swinging range, the teen decapitated her.

The Queen’s body and head fell at the same time, but her head was still functioning. “I just wanted to be the prettiest...” She died before she was able to finish her sentence.
♠ ♠ ♠
Hey guys! I hope all of my readers are still reading this! :) If you are, thanks! If you aren’t? I forgive you. :3
Anyway, there is a lesson to be learned in this chapter; Don’t succumb to vanity, looks aren’t everything.