How to Be a Princess

Quinn froze in place as the tiger began to wake up as well. Despite her earlier remarks, Quinn didn’t hate all animals; she just hated the cute annoying ones. Tigers were neither cute nor annoying, and also capable of ripping her fucking head off with its smallest claw.

As the tiger moved away from her a bit, Quinn began slowly but steadily crawling backwards. She had no intention of dying by tiger attack.

Her foot snagged on one of the many blankets on the bed, and in her frantic attempt to get free she kicked the tiger in the back.

“Fuck me!” Quinn exclaimed, as the tiger swung its massive head around to stare at her. She looked around her for anything that could be used as a weapon but could only find tasseled pillows and plates of grapes. “FUCKING DISNEY AND HIS STEREOTYPICAL DEPICTION OF THE MIDDLE EAST!”

She launched herself off of the bed and ran towards the door that wasn’t actually a door but just a beaded curtain. But before she could dive through the entrance, the tiger leaped in front of her.
“Will you please calm the fuck down?!” the tiger yelled in a heavy Indian accent and Quinn cocked her head to the side.

“You’re a girl.”

“That is correct.”

“But in the movie—“She began, but cut herself off when she realized that the tiger might not realize that she was in a movie. “Never mind, why are you Indian?”

“I’m an Indian tiger. Your daddy massacred my family and gave me to you, remember?”

“Oh.”

“But no hard feelings! I barely remember them and they would have been poached and skinned later anyway!” the tiger said cheerfully, and hopped back onto the bed.

Quinn doubted that there really were no hard feelings, but didn’t pursue the subject. “So...What’s your name again, I’m feeling a little forgetful today.”

“I am, Rajashree Rajasi Sutireotipikalindyanlassnaym. You can call me Raja, for short.” The tiger said proudly.

...Did I heard that last part right?Quinn thought, but shook the thought from her head. Jasmine had said earlier, that since the movie wasn’t about her, she had a couple of days to herself and planned to enjoy her vaca.

“Okay, Raja, what do we usually do for fun around here?”

“Well because you are nearing the age of which you must get married to a stringy old man, we usually watch your father interview your suitors.”

“Did you say stringy?” Quinn asked, slowly.

“Yes, because all of the flesh of those old men is very stringy and often times their meat gets stuck in my teeth. It’s really a bitch to pull them out.”

“So you...Eat them—I make you eat my suitors?” Quinn repeated

Raja nodded and licked her chops, “Yes, and I am happy to. As a tiger living in a palace filled to the brim with plates of fruit, a live meal is a very nice treat.”

Jasmine, you devious whore.

Quinn grinned and started walking towards the beaded curtain entrance. “Let’s go watch some suitors then.”

The pair walked through the palace, with Raja in the lead as Quinn was still a bit ‘hazy’ on the layout. But before they could reach their destination, a scream rang out from where they had come from.

“What the fuck was that?” Quinn exclaimed.

“I have no idea that is very new. Let us go see.”