Status: I'll be updating every Sunday!
How to Be a Princess
I Wanna
Quinn and Raja raced down the hallway and into a room across from hers. A short and fat man, whom Quinn recognized as the Sultan and her father, was standing over the body of a woman.
Oh excuse me, the dead body and decapitated head of a woman.
“What the fuck?!” Quinn yelled and the Sultan turned to smile at her.
“Oh, Jazzy you’re awake! Did you sleep well?” he asked happily, completely ignoring the dead decapitated body between them.
“Who’s body is that?” Quinn demanded and smacked Raja who had stuck out her tongue to lap up some of the blood.
“I think, the Sultan of Camels is coming today, so make sure to brush up on your dromedary knowledge.” The Sultan chirped
Quinn grabbed the Sultan and pointed at the dead body, that despite her attempts to stop her, Raja had started to eat. “Are you seriously going to ignore the fact that there is a dead body, right in front of us?”
Normally, Quinn wouldn’t have given a damn about, dead bodies or decapitation, but seeing as her last story had ended crap-tastically due to a psychotic dwarf, she was a bit worried about her vacation. She had no intention of spending her break, running around and chasing murderers.
The Sultan sighed, and flopped onto the blood covered floor. He patted a space next to him and beckoned for Quinn to sit down. The teen grimaced and tore a beaded curtain off of the doorway and sat on that.
“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice, and I could tell you when you were somewhat happily married and popping out babies for the Sultan of Camels.”
The fuck?
“But, Jazzy, I’m lonely. And I haven’t gotten any pussy in days.”
....
“What?” Quinn deadpanned.
“Oh, sorry dear this must sound dreadfully confusing! Let me explain.” The Sultan got up quickly and spread his arms wide. Suddenly Indian music started to play and some scantily clad women who closely resembled Jasmine danced in.
“When I was young
I was so rich,
I got first pick
Of every bitch
I met your mama
And she was really hot
Especially her bright red dot.
She brought you into this world
A beautiful baby girl
I just knew that I would get a lot of livestock for you!
But then your mama died
She left me all alone
Ten years later
I found I had a boner
I loved your mommy very much
But I need a bitch to touch
So yesterday I abducted all the
Beautiful women from the village!”
The Sultan ended the song with a surprising back flip and sat back down next to his daughter. “So in short, I will find a woman who looks and acts just like your mother, but if she shows signs of not being like your mama, I will cut her head off.”
Quinn leaned away from the sultan, a disgusted look on her face. “Man, you are 40 kinds of fucked up.” She said and got up, “But now that I’ve heard the story I don’t really give a shit so I’m gonna go find something to eat. Come on, Raja.”
“Thank you for being such an understanding and valuable object!” The sultan called after and Quinn whipped around quickly.
“What did you just say?” she demanded and the Sultan smiled slyly.
“I meant, object...Of my affections.” He said
Quinn frowned, “Whatever dude.”
Quinn and Raja entered the kitchen but before they could start shoving food down their throats a young woman in a black burka approached them.
“Please! You must help me!” the woman cried grabbing Quinn, who groaned in exasperation.
What is with the interruptions today? Can’t I eat some fucking fruit in peace?
“What. Do. You. Want.” Quinn ground out.
“My name is Charizard.”
Oh excuse me, the dead body and decapitated head of a woman.
“What the fuck?!” Quinn yelled and the Sultan turned to smile at her.
“Oh, Jazzy you’re awake! Did you sleep well?” he asked happily, completely ignoring the dead decapitated body between them.
“Who’s body is that?” Quinn demanded and smacked Raja who had stuck out her tongue to lap up some of the blood.
“I think, the Sultan of Camels is coming today, so make sure to brush up on your dromedary knowledge.” The Sultan chirped
Quinn grabbed the Sultan and pointed at the dead body, that despite her attempts to stop her, Raja had started to eat. “Are you seriously going to ignore the fact that there is a dead body, right in front of us?”
Normally, Quinn wouldn’t have given a damn about, dead bodies or decapitation, but seeing as her last story had ended crap-tastically due to a psychotic dwarf, she was a bit worried about her vacation. She had no intention of spending her break, running around and chasing murderers.
The Sultan sighed, and flopped onto the blood covered floor. He patted a space next to him and beckoned for Quinn to sit down. The teen grimaced and tore a beaded curtain off of the doorway and sat on that.
“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice, and I could tell you when you were somewhat happily married and popping out babies for the Sultan of Camels.”
The fuck?
“But, Jazzy, I’m lonely. And I haven’t gotten any pussy in days.”
....
“What?” Quinn deadpanned.
“Oh, sorry dear this must sound dreadfully confusing! Let me explain.” The Sultan got up quickly and spread his arms wide. Suddenly Indian music started to play and some scantily clad women who closely resembled Jasmine danced in.
“When I was young
I was so rich,
I got first pick
Of every bitch
I met your mama
And she was really hot
Especially her bright red dot.
She brought you into this world
A beautiful baby girl
I just knew that I would get a lot of livestock for you!
But then your mama died
She left me all alone
Ten years later
I found I had a boner
I loved your mommy very much
But I need a bitch to touch
So yesterday I abducted all the
Beautiful women from the village!”
The Sultan ended the song with a surprising back flip and sat back down next to his daughter. “So in short, I will find a woman who looks and acts just like your mother, but if she shows signs of not being like your mama, I will cut her head off.”
Quinn leaned away from the sultan, a disgusted look on her face. “Man, you are 40 kinds of fucked up.” She said and got up, “But now that I’ve heard the story I don’t really give a shit so I’m gonna go find something to eat. Come on, Raja.”
“Thank you for being such an understanding and valuable object!” The sultan called after and Quinn whipped around quickly.
“What did you just say?” she demanded and the Sultan smiled slyly.
“I meant, object...Of my affections.” He said
Quinn frowned, “Whatever dude.”
Quinn and Raja entered the kitchen but before they could start shoving food down their throats a young woman in a black burka approached them.
“Please! You must help me!” the woman cried grabbing Quinn, who groaned in exasperation.
What is with the interruptions today? Can’t I eat some fucking fruit in peace?
“What. Do. You. Want.” Quinn ground out.
“My name is Charizard.”
♠ ♠ ♠
I should totally write songs! xD