How to Be a Princess

"...And grimly jealous of her step daughter's charm and beauty."

Quinn blinked and glanced around for a second, not quite sure of where he was until he noticed that he was kneeling next to the bed of a dead guy and had his hand on said dead guy's arm.

"Oh ew, gross." he muttered, pulling his hand back and stopped abruptly. Why the hell was his voice so damn squeaky? He thought.

Then he remembered where he was. Oh Cinderella's story..So I must be a kid now.

"Aw fuck." He grumbled when he realized he wasn't alone in the room. A tall woman with a weird hairstyle and two pig nosed children were standing to the side. One of them being a soulless ginger. The woman was smirking and the two kids seemed to be bored out of their minds.

"Um...Can I get some motherfucking privacy here?" Quinn demanded, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture. The woman's mouth opened in surprise and suddenly the background narration stopped. The narrator seemed to stutter for a second before a door slammed and then there was only Quinn and his step family.

"Wasn't talking to you, but whatever." Quinn muttered, then he turned to look at his step family who were still in the room. "Well?" he demanded

"W-well what?" The woman-No no wait, Quinn thought I do remember the narrator saying there names...Lady Tremble, Trombone...Tremaine! What a ghetto ass name.

"Well get the fuck out." Quinn drawled and turned back to the dead guy-his father- on the bed.
But before they could the scene panned to a tower and Quinn was a teenager again. "The fuck...?"he gasped and then rolled his eyes. "Fucking Disney and his inability to make a decent progressing background story."

He sighed and glanced around his small room, but before he could get up, the curtains to his window were pulled open by two...blue birds. And for some reason they were both wearing hats and smiling. Now bird's beaks weren't made for smiling so you can imagine how pretty fucking scary that looked.

One of the birds tweeted a tune and stared at Quinn, then did it again. His beady black eyes seemingly boring into his soul. Then they flew forward-

And Quinn maimed them with the hairbrush on his night desk. "This place is fucking weird." he mumbled and shuffled out of bed. As he walked around stretching, some background music started to swell and some colorful birds flew in. But as soon as they saw the bloody twitching bodies of their friends on the floor, they flew back out.

DONG!

Quinn jumped and looked out the window to see a huge white castle, that for some reason he hadn't noticed before.

DONG!

It was then that Quinn noticed an ugly brown dress lying on a chair that he knew wasn't there before.

"Fucking Disney." he mumbled and grabbed it, pulling it on over his head, but when he raised his arms he got a whiff of his pits. He sighed and pulled the dress on anyway. There was a yellow stained apron lying on the ground and he quickly tied it around his waist, frowning at the stains.
"This better not be piss." he grumbled.

When he was fully dresses, crappy shoes and all, he flung open the door and sped down the spiral staircase until he reached a barren room with only one door.

And a mouse trap. With three mice standing in front of it...Speaking broken English.
Quinn growled and started walking past when he felt a tug on his dress. He looked down to see one of the mice smiling and pointing at the trap. It seemed the mouse wanted him to set the trapped mouse free.

Quinn took one look at the mouse and reached down to pick it up.
"Hello madamoiselle I-" It began but never finished his sentence because Quinn flung it across the room, where it hit the wall and slid down leaving a bloody trail. The other mice let out screams of terror and ran for the hills. Leaving the mouse in the trap to fend for himself.

Quinn was about to end the fat and terrified mouses' life, when someone placed their hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see-

Madame La Chairwoman.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked

"I'm here to stop you!" she hissed and he blinked.

"Stop me from doing what?"

"From killing that mouse! This is Disney! You need some animal friends goddammit!" She snapped and poofed away.

Quinn rolled his eyes and dropped the cage on the ground, and started walking away. There was another poof sound and he turned to see that Madame had returned. "You can't leave him in the cage!" she scolded

"Says who?" he drawled

"Me!" she snapped and poofed away again.

"Fine.." He grumbled and tore open the door of the trap, dumping the mouse out in the process. "Get lost." he growled, but the fat thing just stood their staring up at him.

"Oh great, I got the re-CENSORED!" A voiced screamed and Quinn shrieked. "What the hell was that?" he demanded and Madame appeared again.

"Oh yeah, any words that may or may not insult a particular group of people are censored." she chirped and disappeared before Quinn could strangle her.

Quinn growled and started walking away, but the mouse followed him. Fine if it gets squashed or eaten, it ain't my fault! he thought and continued on until he reached a hallway lined with huge windows and ridiculously tall doors.

Before he could walk past, a note appeared in his hand and Quinn recognized Cinderella's chicken scratch handwriting. It had a list of things to do, so he could progress to the next scenes.

"Get the cat? He's in the middle room." He read and flung open the door of the middle room. The sudden shock of light awoke the cat and the woman who were both sleeping in the room and Quinn sucked his teeth as the woman rushed over to him.

"CINDERELLAA!"

Quinn winced at the shrillness in her voice, and stepped back at the sight of the old woman, Lady Tremaine. Her hair was twisted and tangled and she looked as thought she had just been electrocuted.

"Wow. You are one ugly motherfucker." Quinn stated and woman seemed to turn as red as a tomato.

"What time is it?" Lady Tremaine snarled

"How should I know?"

"Where is my breakfast?"

"I don't know."

"Why haven't you gotten it ready and brought it up to me?" she hissed

"If you want breakfast then make that shit yourself!" Quinn barked back

Lady Tremaine's eyes widened in surprise at Quinn's language and pointed outside.

"Get out! Go wake Bianca and Geoffrey and get them ready for the day, then go clean the kitchen and don't stop until I tell you too!" she screamed

Quinn was about to jam his fist into the woman's nose but a small voice in his ear stopped him.

"Just do it!" it whispered and Quinn figured that it was Madame La Chairwoman so he left the room. Once he was out the voice whispered for him to go into the rooms on the right and the left and to wake Bianca up.

He tugged open one of the doors and stalked over to a sleeping ginger in bed. He shook the girl hard and the voice in his ear, snickered.

That's weird, he thought

The ginger's eyes slowly opened and widened in...Horror?

"A RAT! THERE IS A RAT ON YOUR SHOULDER!" She screamed, nearly knocking Quinn down as she ran out of the room.

Quinn slowly plucked, the fat mouse from earlier off of his shoulder and briefly wondered how it had gotten up there without him noticing. He held the fat thing in front of his face and it grinned at him.

"Ratsputin at your service!"