Bittersweet Memories

It was a particularly cold Sunday morning when I made the trip to my father's house. It's been two days since the party and I've stayed hidden away in the Mikaelson house. Finally, I decided it was time to face my family, I've waited long enough. By now, everyone in town was compelled to forget anything about my death, thanks to all of the Mikaelson's. Everyone, aside from the one's who knew what I really was. The people in Mystic Falls were walking around as if I never left, it was a sort of comforting feeling, whether it was forced or not.

I decided to walk to my fathers house, enjoying the long walk to clear my head and figure out what I was supposed to say to all of them. I just hope none of them have talked to anyone, afraid they might have mentioned my name in some way. I started to approach the street of my former home when I ran into a very familiar face.

"So, the cats out of the bag, huh?" It was Stefan. He walked towards me and embraced me in a warm hug. Although I wasn't part of the 'save Elena's life' campaign and I absolutely loathed Damon, I still loved Stefan and cared for him like he was family.

"I'm surprised you didn't open your mouth to any of them, I assumed you would." I replied, returning his hug.

"It wasn't my secret to tell." Stefan was the only one in the whole town who knew about my deception and he didn't tell a soul. While Klaus left him in Mystic Falls to keep an eye on Elena, I was sure he'd either feel bad for his brother or her and spill his guts. "Though, I almost told Rachel. I'm sure your family will be happy to see you."

"I don't know about that, Stef. Sure, Bonnie and Caroline have forgiven me but I'm not sure how forgiving my family will be. Especially Rachel, I've missed so much."

"Well, it will all work out the way it's supposed to."

"I haven't even spoken to Tyler or Matt, I hope they're as forgiving as Caroline and Bonnie."

Stefan nodded and gave me a forced, reassuring smile. I decided I didn't owe Elena an explanation, she could go on wondering why I did it for the rest of her life, as far as I'm concerned. I gave up on Jeremy as well, sure he was like a brother to me but he was Elena's real brother, well kind of. I figured he'd want nothing to do with me since I put Elena through hell. "Your friends will forgive you, your family too. I bet they'll just be happy you're okay and still here with us. Even I was starting to miss your dramatic ass."

I smiled at Stefan, lightly punching his arm. I let out a nervous laugh as I started to apologize. "I'm sorry, by the way. About this whole mess. I didn't realize you were going to be hurting the same way I was. Maybe if I realized it, I would of stayed. We could of coped together."

"It's not your fault, you did what you felt was right." Stefan said. "Don't worry about me, I'm the one who left and turned into a ripper. Elena needed comfort, I was gone."

"Yeah…but I wasn't."

Stefan nodded his head and hugged me again, assuring me everything would be okay in the end. I hate optimistic Stefan, I actually liked ripper Stefan, he was fun. We spoke a few more words to each other before parting and going our own ways. I continued up the street to my father's house and soon enough, I landed at his doorstep.

I took a few deep breaths, preparing myself for what ever was about to happen next. Before I lost my nerve, I quickly knocked on the door and stood my ground, forcing myself to stay and wait for the door to be answered. Inside, I could hear footsteps approaching the door and I started to shake. The door started opening and I gave up my last chance to high tail it out of here.

Rachel opened the door, a shocked expression on her face when she saw me. She said nothing and started to shake like I had been doing. Then, she punched me in the face. It hurt a lot less than Caroline's punch, but again, I definitely deserved that.

"DAD!" Rachel screamed, running away from the door. She left it open, so I took it upon myself to walk inside. I didn't go any father than the foyer. Rachel returned with my father hot on her trail. When he saw me, a shocked and pained expression flashed across his face.

"Savannah..?" He trailed off, looking me over a couple times. Deciding if it was really me or not.

"I know. I have some explaining to do." I finally spoke as dad nodded his head, judging me in the way that only a parent would.

"YOU SURE DO!" Rachel screamed at me. "DO YOU KNOW THE HELL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

She turned away from me and ran upstairs to her bedroom, I called out to her, trying to apologize, but she just ignored me. Dad shut the door behind me and motioned for me to come into the living room and sit. I couldn't tell how he was feeling right now. His face a mix of a bunch of emotions. I didn't know if he was happy to see me or completely angry with me. Rachel didn't take this well and I don't expect Justin to, either.

Dad took a deep breath before speaking. His voice shaking a bit as he started to speak slowly. "You need to explain right now." I saw the tears swelling up in his eyes, threatening to spill down his face. "Is this real or…?"

It hurt me to see him like this. I've never seen my father cry before, not once. There was no humanity switch to turn off here, my tears fell down my face, I couldn't even hide them.

"I made a mistake, daddy." I sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I can't even begin to tell you how…disgusting I feel for doing this to everyone."

"You can start from the beginning." Dad said.

"I faked my death."

"Why? Why on earth would you do something so selfish? Do you know how much pain you caused this family? How devastated your friends have been for the past three months?"

"I didn't know, but I do now." I hung my head low, ashamed, disappointed in myself. "I can't put them blame on anyone but myself, I realize this now."

"Tell me what happened, Savannah."

"Damon hurt me. Elena hurt me. It was like they were falling for each other. Sure, he was helping her look for Stefan but everything became more about her and less about me. We spent less and less time together and I eventually broke up with him. I just…I thought Damon and I would be together forever, which is why I let him turn me."

"I told you, you made a mistake with this whole turning into a vampire thing!" Dad started to yell, cutting me off. "I told you, you'd regret it! You were never meant to be a vampire. If I had known this was the path you wanted to take, I would of stopped the relationship and none of this would of never happened!"

"Dad, please!" I begged. "I can't change the past, there's no reversing this. Which is why I wanted to die. I couldn't bare the thought of roaming this earth alone for the rest of eternity, without Damon. I asked Klaus to end my life, I was really ready to do it. But, somehow, he talked me out of it and I ran away with him."

"and faked your death instead? You know, you could of just ran away and left a note or something! Anything is better than letting us believe you were dead!"

"I know! I know, dad. That's what I should of done but I didn't. I wasn't thinking about anybody but Damon and hurting him. If he thought I was dead and because of him, he would of been devastated! I wanted him to feel the pain I was feeling and he did! I can't even begin to describe the joy I felt, watching him sob and scream as he mourned my death."

"So he hurt you and you got your revenge.."

"I did, dad." I nodded my head slightly at him. "But it came at a price, a price I wasn't aware of at the time. I should of thought about everyone else in my life, but I didn't. I know I've done a lot of damage to this family but while I was away, I had a lot of time to think. I now realize what I've done, I'm just trying to find a way to fix it. I just need to know my family doesn't hate me."

"Savannah.." Dad grabbed my chin, turning my head to finally face him and look him in the eye. "You're my daughter and I could never, ever hate you. I love you so much, nothing you do could ever change that. Rachel and Justin will probably need time, after all they've been through."

"What about mom?"

"Let me break the news to your mother, please. She's been sort of in a fragile state, she hardly leaves the house. What about everybody in town?"

"Um…they were compelled to forget about my death. Niklaus and his family made sure to it."

"What are your plans now?"

I threw my head back on the couch, frustrated that I couldn't just magically make this better. "Beg Justin and Rachel for their forgiveness. I can't go on with the two of them hating me. How's Amy?"

"Ya know, for a vampire, you're a little off your game." Amy entered the room with a sweet smile. "I was standing in the doorway the whole time. Before you ask, no, I don't hate you."

I stood up and hugged Amy tight. If only I could do the same to my siblings. "I need a drink."

I just assumed my father would mind me getting a drink in his house, though I'm technically underage. I walked off into the kitchen and went through to the other room with the bar area. I poured myself a double vodka on the rocks and downed it instantly. I poured myself another and walked back into the kitchen.

Justin stared at me as I entered the room and dropped his open drink on the floor. Wide eyed, his expression shocked. I hoped he didn't punch me in the face, too. "Here I thought Rachel was drunk or something when she sent me that text…"

"Hi, Justin." I smiled weakly, not wanting to cry again. I took a step forward and he took a step back. I sighed and hung my head low, I knew this wouldn't be easy. I glanced back up at him again and he was shaking. His fists were balled up and he had tears in his eyes.

I started crying all over again when he did something unexpected, he ran toward me and wrapped his arms tightly around me. Had I still been human, this would of really hurt. His heartbeat was rapid and his stomach convulsed as he sobbed against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him, careful not to squeeze too tight. "It's really you, Savannah. It's really you…"