She's Not Afraid

"Charlotte?" I could hear Riana call out from inside my room.

"Yeah?"

"Come in here."

"What's up?" I curiously asked, exiting out the bathroom to walk over to where she sat on my bed.

"Have you been ignoring Harry?"

"What? Why would I do that?" I tried my best to not seem taken aback.

"Well I don't know, maybe because he's messaged me about three times asking if you were okay! What's going on? Is there something I should know about?"

"No, not at all." I lied, swiftly avoiding her gaze by staring at my fingernails. I hadn't told her about the kiss and frankly, I didn't have the courage to. Yesterday I kissed one of my friends, one of my best friends. How could I tell her that, and the fact that I was now ignoring his calls and messages?

"Charlotte."

"I said no!"

"You do realise in the past few weeks I've gotten to know you, I can easily tell when you're lying. For instance, you avoid all eye contact and you burst out in defence whenever you feel the slightest pressure."

"I've done neither of those."

"Did you know you're looking at your fingertips instead of me? And just a mere few seconds ago you shouted?"

"I think you're looking way too into this, to be honest." I said, dropping my hands to look at her.

"Okay, so why is Harry asking me if you're okay?" She began to question.

"Maybe he's worried." I answered quickly.

"And why is he asking if your phone is broken?" The badgering continued.

"Maybe I haven't gotten his mess-"

"And if you're mad at him?"

"Oh bloody hell! Alright, alright. I've been ignoring him, sue me!" I shouted, throwing my hands in the air in defeat. I could never keep one damned thing round this girl, but I suppose I had to tell her before Harry did.

"Why? Did he do something? I mean you've been awfully quiet lately but I thought you just had your period or something."

"No, nothing like that."

"So what's the matter?"

"Promise not to tell anyone?"

"I promise." She crossed her heart with her fingers. Repositioning herself in excitement as I took a deep breath; sitting across from her on my computer chair.

"A couple of days ago, Harry came over to watch a movie. I decided on Love Actually just because I knew how much he enjoyed it. So you know that scene where Mark declares his love for Juliet? And she kisses him so intensely?"

"Oh yeah! Ugh, wasn't that cute? I'd die if a guy ever did that for me. It was so romantic, using word cards to profess his love."

"It was, wasn't it?" I shook my head, completely getting distracted from the topic at hand. "Anyway, I told Harry that movies made kisses seem like a load of magical bullshit. That no kiss was ever that special, to which he responded oppositely. He claimed there were such kisses."

"Really? I think I'd have to agree with him. But please, go on."

I let out a small laugh, Riana always having a comment to share. Something I adored nevertheless. "Well I stood quiet and he took my silence as a time to ask if I had ever been kissed."

"Which you totally have because who wouldn't kiss you?"

I awkwardly cleared my throat, my fingers scraping against the fabric of my jeans. "Not really." My voice was almost non-existent.

"What? Are you serious?! Why haven't you ever told me? Dear God, Charlotte if I knew that I would have told Harry to kiss you ages ago! He's wanted to for ages, I could tell." She suddenly gasped, startling me as realisation hit her face. "That's why you've been so reluctant to like Harry. You were afraid, aw babe you know I would have-"

"Riana!" I stopped her, she could go on and never end. "I'd rather not talk about it. Besides, it's no longer an issue. If you know what I mean and I hope you do because I really don't want to further explain."

Again she gave me the same expression from the wedding ceremony. Eyes bulging from her eye sockets, grin the size of Great Britain, a splurge of excitement bursting out. "I knew it! I. Knew. It! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" She laughed maniacally, slapping her hands together. "Wasn't I right about you two the whole time? Oh God I should become a professional psychic of some sorts. I so predicted you two from the start, didn't I?"

"Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes, laughing at how excited she could get. "Just don't tell him that you know, alright? Just let him tell you again if he does share it with you. And act surprised. Like how you just did with me, which was very dramatic by the way."

"How do you expect me not to scream in his face the second I see him? This boy has been all over you since day one and he's finally made a move, I'm really sorry but I couldn't be anymore excited about this. Oh, come here, you." She gushed, getting up to hug me.

"Thank you?"

"Okay now wait, why are you ignoring him?" Her tone became serious, sitting back to where she was.

"Because...I just don't know what to do. He's leaving to London soon for his audition."

"And? He'll be back regardless if he gets accepted or not."

"Yeah well, that's the problem. If he gets accepted, sure he'll be back for now. But what about later? What if he's a massive hit and he wins the whole thing?"

"Then you'll be dating the star from a hit show! I don't see the problem here, Lotte."

"The problem is what if he doesn't want me anymore? What if after his taste of fame, he realises he could do better than me. And what if I fall harder for him than I already have and it destroys me to have him leave me? So many things can go wrong! It could end our friendship and I just love our relationship so much, I don't know if I can risk it."

"You don't honestly think Harry would let that happen, would you? Even if you guys didn't work out, which I highly doubt, you'd still end up good friends. Because that's who Harry is, and you should know him better than to leave you stranded alone."

I let out a heavy sigh. "I guess you're right, but I'm still scared. It can't be guaranteed everything will be the same between us, you know? No matter what we'd always have what we had. And let's just say he finds a new girlfriend, how can you be so sure I'll be okay with being around that? What if I'm the one who doesn't want his friendship anymore?"

"Honestly, you're thinking way too far ahead. Let's take one day at a time, alright? Just talk to Harry and let him reassure you because let's face it, we know he will."

We shared a light laugh, both of us knowing fully well he had that ability. It was one of the best things about him though that list could go on and on.

"Thanks Riana, again. You're not so bad at these talks, yourself."

***

"Have a good day." I smiled as another well served customer exited the shop.

After my talk with Riana, my mind was well at ease. I had been able to concentrate on work and I actually couldn't wait to call Harry during my break. After a whole day of avoiding him, I'm sure he was freaking out at home.

Riana had been right. There was no rush, I just had to take it one day at a time. And if I were properly convinced, I probably would be okay with taking the risk. Maybe we could have a proper friendship if things didn't work out. Maybe taking a chance with Harry was worth it, surely many girls would kill to have a boyfriend as stunning as he.

He had it all. Looks, charm, a great personality. There was nothing I could complain about. Well maybe his preference in nudity was a bit odd, but he never really dared to do it in front of me though I've heard many stories about that. It was actually quite funny, the way he was just so comfortable with his body and flaunted it all for everyone to see.

At the memory of one of Harry's nude stories told by Haydn, I had actually found myself giggling when the door's bell signalled someone's arrival. Looking up and seeing who it was impacted me more than I would have ever guessed. It was like the sight of his curls and the dimples displayed as he shyly smiled from the doorway could bring me out of any crappy mood I was in.

"What's so funny?" He asked, walking up to the till.

"Just thinking about something Haydn told me."

"Oh."

"It was actually a story about you."

"Really?" His face instantly lit up, green eyes lively; something I always found myself in admiration of. "What'd he say this time?"

"Just how one time he found you in his bed, all clothes off. I must say you have quiet a pair."

He let out a shy laugh, looking up to give me one of his beautiful closed mouth smiles. "You haven't called or texted me back. I was worried you were mad at me or something."

"No, no. Not mad at all, I'm sorry I gave you that impression. Look, I wanted to talk you and since you're already here I guess now would be the right time. Can you give me a minute?" I asked before heading to the office, asking Barbara - one of my co workers who mainly worked in the back - to cover for me.

"No problem, darling. I'll be out a minute. You take your time."

"Thank you, Barbara." I smiled, eagerly heading back to Harry who was waiting at a table nearby. "Sorry about that, had to get someone to cover for me."

He nodded in response, waving over to Barbara once he noticed her. He'd always been one of her favourite people. But I couldn't really blame her, he was loveable in every way.

"So, about me ignoring your calls. I'm really sorry about that, I didn't mean to offend you or hurt you any way. I just needed some time to process it all, you know? It was just so much for me to handle, again I'm sorry I was stupid to-"

"No, Charlotte. You aren't stupid, not in the slightest. I understand completely, it's my fault. I shouldn't have kissed you-"

"Uh, wait. No, don't go there please. Just forget it, forget anything ever happened." I rushed out, completely shocked he had even said that. Just yesterday he proclaimed this so called crush on me and now today he was taking it all back. "I'm sorry, again. I better get back to work." I excused myself, getting up from my seat before he jumped out of his, rushing to stop me with his hand on mine.

"That's not what I was going to say. Charlotte, didn't you hear me yesterday? I meant it. Every word. What I was going to say was I shouldn't have kissed if you weren't ready. I kind of just sprung that all on you and I shouldn't have."

It was as if all the blood rushed back throughout my entirety. Mainly my cheeks because of how embarrassed I now was. What a fool, surely he must think of me as one too. "Of course that's what you meant." I looked down at the hand still holding mine. "God, I'm such an idi-"

"No you aren't, now stop calling yourself one."

"Sorry."

"And you have nothing to be sorry about, alright?" He softly spoke, a hand slipping across my cheek. I could feel it again. That same unexplainable tingle within me that happened just as he kissed me the first time. Like butterflies and...excessive happiness? Whatever it was, it was like nothing I had ever felt before.

And maybe it was because of this new confidence he'd given me, or this new indescribable feeling I had. But I found myself leaning forward, eyes closed. Waiting. Waiting for that feeling his lips allowed when on mine. So soft, and gentle and sweet. The best feeling in the world.

And then there it was. His close contact. Hands on my waist. Scent intoxicating. Thoughts and feelings swirling. This was it. This was his way of convincing me to give him that chance I wasn't so sure about. This was his way of assuring me of all the feelings he had were real. That I had were real. Those feelings I had unknowingly locked away somewhere, in fear of rejection.

Yet here we were, in front of an audience of two or three, confessing our desires for one another. Here we were finally admitting everything that we'd kept since we first met four weeks ago. Weeks that had been filled with denial. So much denial, mostly from my part.

Pulling apart only made me realise just how much I liked kissing him. Once he was away, I wanted him back. I wanted it all back, the touching, the kissing, the almost suffocation of his Godly scent. I loved it all.

"So," He panted quietly. Lips pink - almost red - a sight I don't think I'll ever get tired of seeing.

"Does this mean we're doing this? You know..." I asked, motioning my finger between our bodies.

"It's all I've ever wanted since I first laid eyes on you. It's your decision."

I let out a small laugh, mostly out of nerves and shock. This was actually happening to me . "I think I'm going to have to say yes."