And She Quivers

So there I was, looking at her red lips, blue eyes, pale skin. That little mole she has right above her lips, her long, messy black hair, those thick eye lashes, her pierced ears and her bloody red nails. Her name is Gina, such a simple name but behind it lays a complex of feelings, thoughts and ideas about her that would made anyone want for more. Just her presence was enough to mark any place she has been too—for example—you know when she is in a place and when she decides to leave. It’s like an energy that fills the room. It’s a wonderful and painful but beautiful but terrifying experience.

I can’t help but to look at her, I want to eat her up completely with my eyes. I would pay anyone to give me the opportunity to taste those red lips, to touch that delicate skin and mold myself into her. If a person could grant me that wish I would die happily, with no regrets. Why am I having these feelings when I know for sure that it will never happen, I’m a girl after all—even though there are gay couples in my school—and I know that it would never be.

Gina looked at me from across the table and smiled. Oh, I hate—but love—how she can steal my breath with just a graceful gesture. I made an attempt to, what I think it was a smile and look away. I felt hot all over, my face and neck where burning and I had the feeling that the whole school noticed my state (but that’s my paranoia.); I gave up on my cold, cafeteria food and got up. I had to get up; I needed to get away before she would kill me with her beauty. I crave to look at her one more time but I know that if I do my heart would burst out of my chest.

To think that I am deeply in love with the straightest girl in my school! In the last six month she had two boyfriends that ended badly. How I hated when I saw them in the school halls making out. Those filthy tongues inside her mouth, filling it with dirty saliva and not to mention how they treated her… like a piece of meat. I can’t remember how many times I wanted to go over there, punch them in the face and take her away. But that’s my fantasy and I know if I did that I would disgust her and make a fool of myself in front of the whole school.

One good thing about this rotten reality is that we have first and last period together. It’s what gets me up in the mornings and look forward to the end of school. The rest of the day is pure hell with the occasion of some time with my friends but that’s when they are not busy with they own lives.

I look at my locker, I can’t stop thinking about Gina and I can’t stand to forget her smile. She actually smiled at me! I wonder what kind of stupid face I made when she turned to look… I bet I looked like a total idiot! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

“Wow there,” I turned brusquely and saw my dear friend Matt.

I touch my chest, “Jesus! You scared me!” it was beating really fast.

“I scared you? You were muttering to yourself like a crazy person.” Was I speaking to myself? This is one of the effects Gina Blackwell has on me. I rolled my eyes at him and opened my locker. “Anyway, ready for English class?” I nodded. I took my English book and closed my locker and we both walked towards the class.

Actually, Matt is the only person that knows about my love towards Gina and oddly accepted it. Though he teases me about it occasionally, but I actually don’t mind. It’s good to have a person to share my thoughts with. Best part? He is gay as well, so we have, sort of, the same feelings: un required love.

We both take our seats at the back of the class, I hate thinking that the whole class is starting at me so I just avoid it. It’s like they are judging who I am even though I can’t help it. Matt doesn’t care what people think, he just fallows where I go. That is one of the things that I admire about him: everyone knows he is gay and he doesn’t give a damn what they might think. Also, he can defend himself.

Mr. Brodsky enters the class with his bald and greasy head from the stress and the late summer heat. He drops his books in his desk and address to use by sighing. “So, we have a new student in our class. She’s not new in this school but for… reasons she has been moved to our class.” He gesture the girl to come in with his fingers and there she was. I couldn’t believe she was going to have another class with me!

She was as beautiful as ever, standing beside Mr. Brodsky making him look like a bald gorilla. My heart was beating fast, I couldn’t breathe, my face felt like it was on fire and I was getting dizzy. The love of my life was glowing inside this class room.

“You can seat behind Smith miss Blackwell.” What? Smith? She was going to sit in front of me?

My chest was aching, my hands started to sweat and I wanted to run away! First she smiles at me and now she is going to sit in front of me. Could I handle this blessing or would I crumble down from this curse? She started walking towards me, her hips moving in a seductive way, hypnotizing me also with the sound of her high heels tapping on the floor echoing in my ears. I have never been this close to her because in the other two classes she would seat far away from me, at the other side of the class room. As she got closer I could see her almost in slow motion, how she blinked, how she flipped her black hair. I was getting drunk just by seeing her.

Finally she turned her back and sat. My hands were trembling and my mind was blank. Her scent was driving me crazy! I want her all to myself! I want to fuse my body with hers and make one perfect body.

I felt something hit my head. It was a paper ball, I look and it was Mattt. He gesture me to calm down; he even mouthed if I was ok. I nodded and took a deep breath but that was a mistake. Her scent entered me and I couldn’t help but shiver.

Suddenly I hear a whisper, almost like if the wind was saying something. Someone said: “Slut” and it almost sounded that it was said from my direction. Slowly and gracefully Gina turned my way and looked at me with her eye brow raised and raised her hand and slapped me, hard. My head moved to the side, shocked. Slowly I touch my cheek with my trebling hand.

Did I mention that the love of my life had a rotten personality?