Daughter of the Girl

I vaguely remember the following events. Alex had come running in with Frank. The guitarist stumbled to the bed, falling to his knees in grief. Mikey sat in utter disbelief. His hero gone. I, horrified, stared with no physical emotion. Alex walked carefuly to me and hesitantly touched my shoulders. I sat like stone. 

"Scare..." My uncle had mumbled.  I carefuly placed Gerard's cooling hand upon Mikey's. The lone brother looked at me, his entire being shattered. I placed a small kiss to Mikey's cheek, his tears soaking my lips. I pulled away slowly, letting his hazel eyes come into focus, and let him understand. A bond formed at that moment. 

Gradually Alex got me to stand. Mikey turned back to his brother. The lost shell he worked so hard to keep alive all those years just to be torn away. Alex and I's footsteps made little sound while we slowly walked. As I passed by Frank, I allowed my fingers to brush his hair. The man turned sorrowfuly, and launched forward to cling to my legs. Alex grabbed me to keep my body from tumbling to the ground as the man wailed into my knees. I held my own tears back, only to sink away from Alex and half into Frank's lap. The man pushed himself as close as he could, grappling at me with all his might. 

"No, no no no, no no!" He wrecked in a strangled way. I held him as close as I could, but Frank almost didn't notice. "Please! No! God, no! Gerard...no!" His very words pierced the air. Pierced the flesh of every being. "No..." Frank whispered, his tears sliding down my neck and collecting on my coller bone. "Please, just bring him back. Please..."

Frank pulled away then, only a few inches, and looked back and forth between my eyes. "Please?" He choked out. I swallowed. 

"No." He nodded, more tears escaping as he looked down. Frank sobbed harder, pulling back fiercly. He had to know. Had to understand. I ran a thumb over his tattoo covered knuckles and whispered, "No..." one last time. 

Alex helped me off the floor. Wrapping his hand around mine, Alex led us to the door and down the hallway. The descend to our bus is a blur. I can't really remember any of it. Only the soft voice Alex used. 

The bus crawled away from the grand house. What a lie it shown. Beautiful on the outside as death blossomed within. I watched as the house disapeared, my eyes never leaving the window. I felt my uncle's arms wrap around me in a make shift hug, pulling me by the arm after letting go. Alex walked us to the bunks, pulled us into his, and sighed. 

"I'm so sorry." Alex's voice was thick. 

It was wierd to think of Gerard's former life. He grew up with his brother, poured his heart out on stage with him, lived for the boy.  And now Mikey was alone. Gerard would never smile, never laugh, never make memories or breathe again. All for what? Why do people live? Why are we even here? Gerard was everything to so many people, and now what?

I couldn't voice any of it. There was nothing I could say. All that I could do was hold on. Hold on even as everything was lost. Because even if everything seemed to be gone, it never really was. Life was- is- so confusing. And that night I cried knowing Gerard wouldn't be experiencing that tomorrow.