Jeah, Whatever

[ryan]

I knew I messed up with Natalie. And I also knew some of it was due to just how crazy my schedule was.

And more so it brought me even more concern if I even ever could be in a relationship while doing what I love.

I didn't want to think about it anymore. Especially since I was about to hop on a plane and head to Vegas with Connor and some of our other teammates.

"You're not extending the invite to Natalie?" Connor asked me as I threw stuff into a suitcase.

"She wouldn't be able to come, she's been working nonstop," I explained. And according to Natalie, she was working 65 hour weeks for her father in Manhattan when I was about to invite her on the trip.

Pretty soon we were on a plane off to Vegas, when we arrived we were greeted with the dry, desert air and people wandering around.

It was still daytime and women were already prowling the streets, looking for someone willing to pay for their bodies. Big intimidating pimps would follow their every move. There were street vendors selling fake designer everything and anything people were willing to buy. Tourist were running around and men in business suits were bustling around. I looked to my phone lock screen and saw the one of the scarcely few pictures I had with Natalie.

I did wish that she wasn't so busy with work, it would be nice to have her here.

As the evening came, myself, Connor and Cullen decided to go out to a bar for some drinks. Being as I did have Natalie as my...something, it was the first time I was going out and not worrying about what girl would notice me.

We walked into the bar, which was also a restaurant. I sat at the bar and ordered a drink. Connor was already talking to the girl sitting next to him and Cullen found someone as well. I sat with my drink and looked around.

Then suddenly in the corner of the restaurant, my eyes caught something shocking.

Sitting in the corner of a restaurant, I saw two people sitting together, talking very closely. One was a dark haired man in a black suit, maybe only a year or two older than me. He was leaned in talking to a woman with straight dark hair and tanned skin. Her body was fit and she wore a black cocktail dress. Nothing extremely fancy and attention grabbing but simple, yet attractive. She was also leaning into the center of the table with this man, smiling, with her head slightly cocked to the side.

To anyone this would be a normal, boring situation, nothing shocking. But it was shocking because there before me, in Las Vegas, was Natalie Crenshaw on a date with a man that wasn’t me.

And I was the one getting yelled at. Being told I’m ruining it all.

I didn’t know how to react. Do I go over there? Do I leave the restaurant and act as if I saw nothing and call her later? Or do I find a random girl and sleep with her as revenge? Maybe send her a text, to see if she ignores her phone and answers right away?

I decided to react. Maybe it was the envy in me. She was busy, she told me. Working. But yet, here she was, on a trip. With a random man having dinner.

I set down my beer and walked up to her table, she was conversing and laughing with this man and stopped, eyes widened when she saw me. She began to smile but it quickly faded when she saw my hardened expression.

“Ryan, what are you doing here?” She asked surprised.

“I think the better question is what are you doing here? And who the hell is this guy?” I asked in anger but trying to control myself.

“Ryan this is Stephen Anderson, he’s on the board of a company my father is currently investing in here in Las Vegas, I’m the PR oversight for our contract,” she said, staying steady in professional as she introduced me to this man. The man extended his left hand, which had the daunting golden band on his third finger.

“I recognize the face, my daughter just started swimming not too long ago, loved watching swimming during the Olympics,” he smiled as he shook my hand.

I felt so humiliated.

“Well, I’ll let you guys get back to business,” I said, trying to swallow my pride and walk away.

“We’re actually pretty done here, I was just telling Natalie about the family, keep me posted on our advertisements in the Post, Natalie and tell your father hello,” he said, closing briefcase next to him, shaking Natalie’s hand and walking away. Natalie bent down and grabbed her messenger bag and gave me a harsh look.

“Uh, hi,” I said unsure of myself.

Which felt extremely weird.

“Ryan, you could have ruined my business meeting, what the hell?! And what are you even doing here in Las Vegas? Last thing you told me you were in Gainesville,” she said, putting her hands on her hips, tapping her foot pissed off.

“Well you didn’t tell me that you were traveling,” I snapped back, not wanting to be the only one on the spot.

“I told you I was working, working sometimes includes traveling, you’re not working,” she said harshly walking away.

“Natalie, wait,” I chased after her. She was storming out of the restaurant and bar, I didn’t even bother telling the guys I was leaving because I didn’t want her to run out of sight.

“Natalie! Don’t keep walking,” I yelled when I caught up to her. She stopped harshly and looked me straight in the eyes.

“I shouldn’t be mad should I?” she sighed, “you're not my boyfriend,” she stated simply.

“You keep saying that,” I said in frustration. It was like that was her excuse to shut off her feelings and not deal with them.

“Well you aren’t,” she defended.

“Do you want me to be?” I asked, grabbing her wrists. She pulled away.

“Not like this. You don’t communicate with me, how could I date someone that doesn’t even talk to me like a normal person,” she was highly agitated.

“And neither do you, we’re two people who suck at talking to each other and dealing with shit, look at us. I get jealous I see you in Vegas, which is completely out of this world we both end up in Vegas at the same time, in the same place, with another guy,” I said honestly, not trying to bring up the idea of “fate” but can’t help but feeling there’s something big about us both being here together.

“It is weird we’re both here, I’ll admit, and I am sorry that I didn’t say anything about my whereabouts,” the harshness in her face left her, she slumped down next to this building we were at.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you too. I wanted to invite you but you kept saying you have been working non-stop,” I said as I sat next to her.

“Why do we always fight?” She asked seriously.

“Because we don’t honestly talk to each other until we fight, we both suck with setting down our pride until one of us is pissed off,” I answered, feeling pretty good about my conclusion.

“So maybe if we can’t do that, it means we won’t ever work out as a couple. I mean, who would want to fight all the time,” she looked down at her hands. I couldn’t help but reach for one and take it in my own.

“It means we have work we have to do. And I’m not willing to give up on you, there’s something weird that you make you feel and I can’t say I hate it,” I admitted. Natalie leaned her head on me.

“If we both would have said we’d be in Vegas, we’d be spending our weekend together,” she expressed. I kissed her forehead as we sat on the grime of Vegas, not really caring at the people who walked by confused that two clean people were sitting on the streets.

“We can still spend the weekend together, we’re having a pool party, you should come,” I said.

“I can’t, I have to get the plane back to New York for my dad to take out to New Zealand,” she looked at me, it looked as if for the the first time of me knowing Natalie, she was going cry.

“Well then we have tonight,” I smiled, helping her up off the streets.

I am not one for romance. I actually suck at being romantic. But tonight, I didn’t want to be the Ryan everyone knew. I wanted to care for this girl, show her that I can be more than an ass who is looking to have sex.

I held her hand and walked her back to the hotel I was staying at and led her to my room. When we got in, I reached to my bag and handed her my favorite button up that she once stole from me in London for her to wear. She unzipped her dress and put it on and fell onto my bed. I put on a pair of basketball shorts, not bothering to put on a shirt and laid next to her.

As I held her, I thought more. I would have to be a better person if I truly wanted this to work. And honestly, I did want this to work. I wanted all of Natalie. Which, again, is completely terrifying. The more I thought, I remembered what my mother told me. I would have to love a girl enough to stop swimming for her if I wanted real commitment with someone.

“Love means giving up everything, Ry, if you can’t commit to that, don’t commit to the girl,” my mother’s words rang in my head.

I loved swimming. I felt at home in the water. Racing was fun. It was something I’ve always had as a love and as an escape. Could I give that up for Natalie? Not that she would ever ask me to and not that I was ready to fully love her but I did want to commit to her more. Could I really begin to commit to her and choose her over being in the water at times? Would I be willing to miss a meet if it meant going with her to something that was important to her? I heard her take an uneasy sigh and felt her move a little in my arms before a small sniffle and her steady breathing setting in, cueing that she was asleep.

I didn’t like thinking about all these questions and unknowns. I knew this is why I never wanted to be with a girl for longer than a night. I pulled Natalie in a little closer, just trying to focus on the fact that she wasn’t with another guy and in some way, we were given a random night together and for now, she was here with me, willing to once again give me another try.