Falling Apart to Gain More

I had been sitting cross legged on my bed for almost an hour, waiting for him to text me. He had always texted me right after he got off work. He might just be working overtime, I thought to myself. It had never occurred to me that my last text to him could have caused the opening to his death. As I sat there, debating on texting him again, the home phone rang and I heard my sister pick it up, then urgent footsteps coming towards my room. She came in, shoved the phone to my ear, and commanded me to talk. I remember my eyes fill to the rim with tears as his mom cried through the phone and into my blank mind. He had been in a terrible accident involving two cars colliding. I cried all night, pleading for my mom to get me on a plane to New Jersey. Two days later I got the news that he died while being in a coma. My life shattered into little pieces right before my eyes. Nothing could get me through this madness, I had thought.

I zombied around school for the next three weeks, begging to be out of this mind. When the weekends came I sat on my bed looking at pictures while crying so hard that it troubled my breathing. I was oblivious to my surroundings. I didn't want to know what was going on, nor did I even care. Every moment felt as if I was trapped in a box buried underground seeing and hearing nothing, but feeling pain with every ounce of my body. Everyone tried digging me out of my own mind, trying to find things to occupy me, but it all failed. My reality had blackened, and became a dark pit of nothingness.

One night I was sitting at my desk surfing the internet looking for new music when I came across something quite amazing. I had to know what this masterwork was. Untitled by Simple Plan. I listened to the song over and over again, memorizing every lyric and instrument place in the song. It was truly an amazing piece of art. The next day at school I talked to my friends for the first time since the accident. I started inching towards feeling better. Everything in my life cleared up a bit more every time I would listen to the song. It explained everything that I was feeling, and even deeper.

As the days went by, I slowly seeped back into reality. I talked to everyone again, my grades went sky rocketing, and I could put a faint, but real, smile on my face once again. I started to realize that the world around me won't wait if I fall behind. Right then I new I needed to keep up my pace, and let nothing drag me back.

I had known music would help me. It helped me so much, that i was able to let everything I had held on to go. I saw everything I needed to see in the path. I regained the knowledge of the world; I am no longer trapped in its dark abyss. I will never let the shadows in my own mind block out reality again. I chose to know the knowledge in the world, not to be stuck in the unknown.