I Love You...Like A Gun To The Head

Voices & shallow beeping. They seemed so distant through the thick blanket of black that was clouding all of Blaze's vision. She was trapped in some dark & unknown place without a single clue how to get back. But there were the voices along with the irritating beeps. And they were the only key pieces of evidence that proved to herself that she was still alive. Either that or she was very realistically dreaming.

The voices, which Blaze could now distinguish, did not belong to any she knew, began to grow louder as the blanket of darkness began to lighten. Blurs of light were forming in front of her red-brown eyes as she realized there was a throbbing pain on her left side. Definitely not dead.

"She's gaining consciousness." A female voice whispered.

"Sweetie? Sweetie, can you hear me?" Asked another, older, female voice.

The blackness was gone now & all that was left was an intense bright light that stung Blaze's sensitive eyes. She groaned in protest. But when the brightness disintegrated she could see she was lying in a bed with dull white walls surrounding her on every side. "Wh-What happened?" Blaze whispered. Flashes of her crashing to the stage came flooding back in a great wave.

"You're in the hospital sweetie. I'm going to call the doctor & have him come check on you, okay?" The nurses fake voice made Blaze glare in protest. She wasn't a child; she didn't need to be talked to like she was one.

It didn't take long for a tall, slender man, with thinning grey hair to enter her tiny hospital room. He walked toward her bed, a fake smile on his thin lips & a clipboard in hand. "Hello, Miss Thomson. I'm Dr. Matthew Carty. How are you feeling today?" He asked kindly, though Blaze could sense he would rather be out in the halls flirting with the young nurses.

"Well, Dr. Carty, is it? I'm stuck in a hospital bed for what reason, I don't know? My head hurts, my side hurts, my stomach hurts & I could really go for a cigarette! So why don't you tell me how I'm feeling!" She spat, her eyes mere slits in her head.

"I understand you're a little upset right up. You've been through a terrible ordeal. I know it must be hard for you." His voice was calm & sincere, but Blaze wasn't going to have it.

"Terrible ordeal? I don't even know why I'm in this fucking place! So why don't you stop the sincere bullshit & tell me why the fuck I passed out last night!" She screamed, in no mood what-so-ever to be kind to these people.

The doctor ignored her harsh words & continued. "Miss. Thomson, the reason you collapsed last night was because you had a miscarriage. I'm so very sorry."

Blaze's eyes widened in shock as the words escaped his mouth. "What are you talking about? Miscarriage? Wh-What!" She didn’t comprehend him. Surely he was mistaken.

"Yes, Miss Thomson, a miscarriage. I take it you didn't know you were pregnant." He mumbled something at the end that sounded to her like "Doesn't surprise me" but she ignored it. The shock was still sinking in.

"I-I was pregnant?" She whispered almost inaudibly.

"Yes, about 6 weeks. I'll leave you to yourself now. Your friends should be up shortly." And with that he left, leaving Blaze to soak in the news she had just received.

It didn't seem like a very long time before Maribeth came dashing into the room, a few minutes at most, & instantly embraced her sister. "I've been so worried! What happened? Did they tell you anything?" Her voice was going a mile a minute & Blaze could barely keep up with it.

She ignored the questions. "Is Josh here?" She asked in monotone, eyes at the ceiling.

"Yea, he's out at the snack machines I think. Why?" Mari asked, slight puzzlement in her voice.

"Could you get him for me, please." Her voice was beginning to break & she tried her hardest to contain her emotions.

Mari simply nodded in agreement. "Of course, babe."

It felt like only a few seconds had passed before the door to her room slowly opened & Josh was gently walking toward her side. He looked scared, yet relieved. His hazel-green eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep, making her realize she had no idea what time or day it was. "Hey, you're awake." He stated simply, not quite sure what else to say.

"Yep, I'm awake." Blaze repeated, eyes not really looking at him.

"Mari said you wanted to see me." His thumb was pointed toward the door where Blaze's sister must've been waiting.

"Yea. I wanted to talk to you about something."

Josh nodded. "Did the doctor find out what's wrong with you?"

Blaze looked away from his eyes, also nodding. "Yea, he did."

"Is, it bad?"

She nodded again. "Yes, it's bad." She was on the verge of tears.

Panic was filling Josh's features as he grasped one of her cool hands. "Tell me, Blaze! What happened! What's wrong!"

Blaze took a deep breath, blinking back salty tears. "I-I had a mis-miscarriage." She stuttered so low that he almost didn't hear her.

But he did. And the shock was almost as overwhelming to him as it was to her. "You were pregnant." He stated, rather than asked. "And you didn't tell me?"

"Josh, I didn't know."

"Whose was it?" He asked abruptly. His eyes, too, brimming with water as he stared toward the wall.

"What?" She asked him.

"I said whose was it!" His voice was sour now as he looked at her, dropping her cool hands.

She quickly looked away, back at a water stain on the ceiling. "I don't know." She mumbled.

"Was it mine?" He began to spit. "Or was it Alex's?"

"I don't know." She said slowly, but he didn't seem to hear. Or maybe it was he didn't care.

"Johnny's? Or no! I got it! That guy in the bathroom! It was his wasn't it? Or maybe there was someone else I'm forgetting Blaze! Huh? Whose is it?!" He was screaming & the tears that now threatened to fall from her eyes were in heavy streams.

"I said I don't know, Josh!"

"Of course you don't! You wouldn't be the infamous Blaze Thomson is you did!" He pushed his chair backwards knocking it to the cold linoleum floor & left, slamming the door as he went.

Blaze jumped & the tears that streamed kept coming. Josh was gone & everything she needed to tell him was shattered.