I Love You...Like A Gun To The Head

Josh was pacing. Not the nervous kind of pacing you do when you're waiting for someone to tell you the bad news already. Nor was it the kind of pacing you do when you're impatient & cannot wait a single second longer. No, this was angry pacing.

He felt like his whole head was about to explode with all the thoughts that were rummaging around. And all of them had to do with Blaze.

How could not tell me? How could she not know whose it is! Is she that much of a selfish fucking whore!

These thoughts were almost paralyzing to him. So much that he didn't even want to think about it! But no matter how hard he tried to think of something else, something more pleasant, there was her face, eyes swollen with tears laying in the hospital bed. And it only fueled the fire more.

Up in Blaze's room no one seemed to be able to comfort her. By now all had known the reason for her mysterious collapse. All but the media of course, there would be some made up story to tell them. But everyone else knew & were trying there best to ease her suffering.

But unbeknownst to them, her suffering was not from the child she had lost, but from the hatred that Josh had now felt for her. It was tearing her apart to know that the man she had so unexpectedly come to love now hated her more than anything. He blamed her for the loss, though there wasn't much that could've been done to save something she never knew was there.

Mikey walked into the room, being alone with his older sister for the first time in ages. Mikey wasn't as close to Blaze as Maribeth was for obvious reasons, but he loved his sister & couldn't bare to see her as upset as she was.

He quietly took a seat in the chair closest to her bed, thinking for a moment before speaking. He never was very good at speaking to people who were in pain, physical or emotional. Especially emotional.

"Hey sis," He said in a low voice, eyes lowered. "I brought you a can of Cream Soda. I know how much you love it." The desperation to comfort her was clearly evident in his blue eyes & the sound of his shaky voice.

Slowly Blaze moved her head to look at the can that sat in Michael's right hand. Weakly she smiled. "Thank you, Mikey." Her voice was cracking.

The awkward silence was eating away at him as he tried to think of something to say to her, anything to say to her. But it was she who broke the tension, & for this he was grateful.

"Where's everyone else?" She asked, eyes on the ceiling.

Mikey quickly cleared his throat. "I think they all went out for a smoke beak."

Blaze nodded in the slightest. "And Josh?" Her voice was beginning to break again & Mikey could tell she was fighting back the tears that so threatened to escape.

He sighed almost inaudibly. "I think I saw him pacing around outside."

She didn't reply. She didn't nod. She didn't do anything, just stared ahead at the different patterns on the ceiling.

Michael had never seen his sister like this in his entire 20 years of knowing her. She was always so strong & never let anything, let alone a boy, effect her. It scared him.

"Blaze," He hesitated, searching for a reaction. He got it when she answered "Yes, Mikey?"

"Are you okay?" It was the dumbest question, but he had to ask.

"No. I'm not"

But then another thought crossed his mind that was so obvious to him that he had no idea how no one else had thought of it before. "This isn't about the baby, is it sis? This is about Josh."

His question shocked her at first. How did he know? But she knew that he could see it. "Yes."

"Fucking cocksucker!" He mumbled loudly as he stood from his chair.

"Mikey, what're you doing?" The panic & shock from her brother's reaction had snapped her out of her trance.

"I'm gonna kick his scrawny ass! No one upsets my sister like this!"

"Mikey, stop!" But it was too late. He was already out the door. "Mikey!"