I Love You...Like A Gun To The Head

Months began to drift timelessly away, becoming completely forgotten into the dark abyss. Summer had now faded seamlessly into the early stages of Autumn. Breezy airs, cool, but still warm enough to bask in the one of a kind beauty one can only find in Seattle. It brought a feeling of comfort & security. Home. A place of love, & truth were one could easily be themselves, & all bad disintegrated.

None of the horrible things that had happened during the short summer found them here. With the environment so serene & tranquil noting could touch them here. Nothing but the pure love they felt for one another. And it was stronger now than ever before.

There were no more hidden agenda's or pay-backs filled with strangers they would never again see come the morning after. No more lies, or childish bickering. No more one-night stands, or angry make-up sex. Hell, it was no longer even sex. It was the art of making love, no matter how cliche it sounded to them.

Blaze's once insatiable desires & sex-crazed drive was now completely tamed. She was no longer the selfish, devious monster she once was. Nor was Josh an immature, envious child. It was as if all tables had been turned in a complete one-hundred & eighty. But nothing could touch them.

News paper articles & tabloid stories of Blaze's mysterious collapse brought phone calls & door-bell rings for weeks. People demanded to know what had caused the near fatal fall that ended the entire tour in it's place. But no one found out the real truth. No one ever would.

Blaze was at home by herself when the doorbell rang. Josh was on his second week of work cooking at a pristine downtown Seattle restaurant. He wouldn't be home for a few more hours. So very slowly & lazily she stalked toward the door, not bothering to check the window. First mistake there. Shock of seeing the tall, lean man with dirty blonde hair caught her breathe in her throat instantly upon pulling open the heavy wooden door.

"Alex?" Was her first word of surprise when the air finally filled her lungs.

"Hey Jess" He said with a nod, eyes lowered on his twiddling fingers.

"Why are you here?"

"Wanted to see how you were doing. Heard about the fall & everything, figured I'd better come make sure you're doing alright. Thought we could just talk for a while, too. Ya know, catch up on things. It's been a while."

"Yea..it has." She breathed almost to herself. "Come on in, then. Don't wanna leave ya standing out there." Second mistake.

Slowly they began the awkward silent walk toward the living room where they both sat down on the black leather sofa. Each one at an opposite end.

"Soo..," Alex began, still fiddling with his fingers. "How've you been?"

"Amazing, actually." A smile spread across her thin lips as the thought of Josh crossed her mind.

"That's great. I was hoping you were okay, after the fall & everything. Did you ever find out what caused it?"

A pang of hurt shot through her chest. "Just exhaustion & dehydration. Nothing too serious." She played off with a shrug.

"You're not lying to me, are you?

"Why would I lie about something like that, Alex?"

"Because Blaze Thomson would never just end an entire tour just because she passed out from exhaustion. It's not like you, Jess."

She huffed. "A lot of things aren't like me anymore, Ektor. Now is there a real reason you're here or not!"

A sigh escaped his perfectly shaped lips. "I miss you, Jess. Always hearing about you & this kid, it sickens me."

"Josh is not a kid. He's more of a man than you ever were. And need I remind you, Ektor. You left me"

"I know, Jess. And that sickens me, too It's just," He moved closer, grabbing her hands in his. "No one compares to you. No one ever could. We're two of a kind, me & you. I know you better than anyone else does. I know I fucked everything up, but come on you loved me once before, didn't you?"

Quickly she snatched her hands away from his. "That was along time ago, Alex. We aren't the same people we were back then. Things have changed." Her voice was thick with resentment.

"Obviously. You use to shutter when I touched you like this."

Alex ran his thumb very softly across her check down to her throat. She refused to look at him, her eyes on the ceiling as tears of resent began to creep from her tear ducts. She looked back at him, his face moving closer & closer ready to smother her soft lips with his. But she pushed away just in time.

"Get out of my house, Alex! We were done along time ago & it's going to stay that way."

"He's just a kid, Jess! He's nothing compared to me! You remember that!" And the door slammed with a bang

Hours later when the door opened & slammed again, Blaze shuttered. But her mind was filled with relief when it was Josh walking towards her this time. A big grin lighting up his entire face.

"What're you doing all by yourself, baby? I figured Mari would be here with you." He asked after lightly pressing his lips to hers as he took the seat next to her.

"She had some big date tonight with Jay James from Bullet For My Valentine."

"Well good for her. Jay seems like a nice guy. And I get to have you all to myself, tonight." His smile was huge, & his bright Hazel-Green eyes sparkled. But when he looked deeper into hers he saw something that shouldn't have been there. "What's wrong? You looked distressed."

Blaze sighed in defeat. "I didn't want to tell you. I thought you'd get all mad & start freaking out."

"Jesus, Blaze, what is it?"

"Alex. He was here today. He stopped over very unexpectedly asking about the fall & everything-"

"You didn't tell him, did you?" Josh's eyes were wide.

"No, of course I didn't tell him. But after we were done talking about that he started saying all this stuff about him missing me & how he'll never find anyone remotely like me. And..And then he tried to kiss me! But I pushed him away before he could & made him leave!" She was breathless by the time she finished and near to breaking down. She couldn't have Josh mad at her now. Not again.

"Why would you think I'd start freaking out about this?" Not the reaction she was expecting. He was calm & thoughtful.

"I dunno. I just figured with me & Ektor's history you wouldn't like the idea of him coming over & saying that."

"I don't like the idea of him hitting on you. But I know you well enough to understand that you & him were finished long before I entered the picture. And I know that you love me more than anything and no rock star is going to stand in the way of that. And I love you, too. More than words can describe. Nothing will change that, because I wanna spend the rest of my life here in Seattle with you."

His words had so much impact on her that it was near impossible to stop her from crying, something she didn't do quite often. But as we know, things were not the same now & the tears were sliding slowly from her eyes one by one.

"I was going to wait a little while to do this, but I figured now would be the most appropriate time." Josh was the one taking her hands in his this time. "Jessica 'Blaze' Thomson, I love you so much that it hurts. You've driven me completely insane since the first moment I laid eyes on you. You've turned my world upside down in such a mess that it will never be the same. But that's exactly how I want it. Because if it wasn't for you, I never would've found a love so strong that it takes my breathe away just thinking about it. I'm not good with telling people how I feel, & you seem to make that so much harder. Yes, I've hated you before. You made that quite easy. But it wasn't easy getting to this point. Admitting that I've loved you from the very beginning was the hardest thing I have ever endured. Our journey's been one hell of a bumpy road & it's going to continue to be a bumpy road. But it's a road I wouldn't dream of traveling on without you next to me. So I'm asking you this because it feels like the right thing to do, completely insane, but right. So Jessica 'Blaze' Thomson, will you marry me?"

Nothing could stop her tears from spilling like Niagara Falls now. But she wasn't sad. Not anymore. Not with Josh next to her. Nothing could make her said now. Everything she never planned on had happened. But she would never have it any other way if given the chance.

"Baby, a yes or no answer would be nice right about now." Josh said as he peered at her tear soaked face. He still thought she was beautiful.

She laughed, though very muffled through her tears. "YES!" she screamed. "Yes, I will marry you!"

And together they both laughed, arms entwined around each other as images of their future together flashed through each of their over-joyed minds.