I Love You...Like A Gun To The Head

Admitting that you're wrong. It's not exactly the easiest thing in the world to do. You go through life always being right, being worshiped, never messing up. But then one day one little thing comes around & changes everything! Everything you once knew about yourself is shattered & you're forced to do something you've never done before. Admit that you are wrong for the first time in your life.

It's hard, probably the most difficult thing anyone could go through. Especially when you're name is Blaze Thomson. The girl who had everything she could ever want without a single care in the world.

It was the day that followed Blaze & Josh's heated argument over love. Neither of them exchanged a word or even a glance in the other's direction in that entire time. But Blaze wasn't being her bitter self like normal when it came to situations like this with Josh. She was quite. Too quite. And everyone around her seemed to notice.

"OK, I can't take it anymore! What the fuck is wrong with you?" Maribeth asked from backstage as her & her twin sat around as the boys left to watch Flyleaf's set.

"Huh?" Blaze asked boredly, coming out of her dream-like trance.

"This is exactly my point, babe! You're completely unfocused. Something's up. You're usually all hyperactive better shows, now you're just...blah! This can't possibly still be about Josh?"

"Like I'd waste any of my time on him!" She huffed, before standing to exit the small room.

Maribeth grabbed the back of her shirt, forcing her back down on the couch besides her. "Oh no ya don't. We're going to talk about this, & we're going to talk about this now!"

Blaze rolled her beautifully brown eyes, refusing to connect them with her sister's blue ones. "What's there to talk about? I'm tired, that's all."

It was Mari's turn to roll her eyes now. "Blaze Thomson is never tired before a show."

"Well I am this time." Her voice was low, & almost monotone.

"Babe, you can tell me what it is. You know I'm not going to say anything."

No answer.

"Please. I just wanna help you sis. With whatever it is that's got you so down."

There was a minute of silence before Blaze finally sighed & forced her eyes to look at her twin sister. "Fine. I'll tell you. I just..don't know how to say it."

Maribeth creased her eyebrow's for a second in confusion. "Blaze not knowing what to say. Damn. There must be something wrong."

Blaze glared fiercely. "Now is not the time for jokes, Mari! This is serious!"

"Fine, fine! Continue." Maribeth mumbled

Blaze sighed again, louder this time. "It's just. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. And nothing really seems to make sense anymore. I think I'm..GOD! Why is this so hard for me to say!"

"This has something to do with Josh & last night, doesn't it?"

She nodded lightly, finger's pinching the bridge of her nose.

A spasm of realization finally swept over Mari as she stared at her distraught twin. "Oh My Gasp! You're falling for him aren't you!" She shouted.

"Would you keep you're voice down!" Blaze hissed.

"Sorry," Mari whispered. "But, I'm right aren't I?"

"Yes! OK! God! I don't know what's happening to me. It's like Alex all over again & I don't know what to do." She was panicking, arm's flailing & gripping at her short hair.

Mari grabbed her hands. "Relax, sis. It's gonna be alright. You need to tell him how you feel." Her voice was softer now, slower."

"Do you know how hard this was just admitting it to you? How the fuck am I going to tell him?"

"Ugh! Must I do everything for you! Come on, I bet he's out there right now putting the finishing touches on our set. You've got a few minutes before we hit the stage. Just walk up to him & tell him. It's not that difficult, babe."

Mari grabbed Blaze's hand, dragging her out the door & around the backstage until they found Josh standing near the guitars. His back was facing them, hands on his hips as he looked over the set in front of him. Mari gave her a slight push in his direction before whispering the word "Go."

I can do this. I can do this Her thoughts said as her feet carried her small body ever closer to his body.

She paused for a moment behind him, taking deep breaths as her thoughts continued to encourage her. The suspense was beginning to get to much for her handle. It was now or never. She had to do this. She needed to do this! And now was her only chance.

With a shaky hand she tapped his left shoulder with caution, causing him to instantly turn around. The look on his face was not one of pleasure, or happiness when he realized who had tapped him. "Oh. It's you. Here to bitch about something else I did wrong?" His voice was dull & almost snotty.

"I didn't come here to fight Josh. There's something I needed to tell you." She was playing with her finger's, an uneasy feeling building in the pit of her stomach.

He eyed her suspiciously, believing she wasn't looking for another fight, & dropped his hands. "Fine. What is it you need to tell me."

She struggled again for the words, knowing that there was no turning back now. "I've..been doing alot of thinking lately. And I've come to realize a few things. Especially after what happened last night.." Her voice began to trail off as she lowered her head

"Hey,"Josh spoke softly now, putting a hand on her shoulder. "What is it? What's wrong?"

She was fidgeting again, palms beginning to sweat. "I...I think I'm in L-"

"There you are!" Interrupted Mikey's voice. "I've been looking everywhere for you! The shows gonna start in about 20 seconds! Come on, we gotta go!" He was dragging her away from Josh, a skeptic look in her & Josh's eyes as they both realized what was happening. But she knew she couldn't make the fans wait. Telling Josh her true feelings would just have to come later.

Being on stage instantly brought her into concert mode. Her deviousness & sex-appeal returning with full force as her voice belted out song after song. Her energetic nature shining in all of it's glory.

But halfway through the fourth song, something happened. The uneasiness that was in the pit of her stomach before hand intensified into an electric shock of pain, crippling her. The microphone slipped from her hand as her vision began to blur & darken. She was falling. The last thing she heard was Josh's voice calling her name before her world turned black as night.