Chaser of Faith

It had been days since I arrived at the King’s home. (I use the general term “days” because I truly had no idea how many days and nights I had spent alone in my room, just waiting for Simon to steal me from my thoughts and ruin my fun.)

He had given me Sanen books with English translations to read. I spent my days and nights reading and learning about Saniat culture, history, and language. It felt easier to hold onto it all now- like my wings had cleared out some space in my body to allow new information to settle in my brain.

I was re-reading a lengthy novel about Rohathro San for the third time. The book, appropriately titled Rohathro San, was a sort of testament of the first king of Aksan. I had dissected it piece by piece, trying to better understand him and his sons. I knew there was a lot that the book was leaving out- specifically the less flattering family details, and I wanted to try to read between the lines before I questioned Simon about it. I needed answers. I wanted to get out of the dark.

I had nearly memorized one particular section of the book.

‘Sandalphon lived as an archangel, the co-brother of Metatron, who was second to God. Sandalphon, second to Metatron. Michael, second to Sandalphon. Rohathro San was second to none.’

There was something that Remy had said to me the day before Adriel took me. When Nicholas ran away, he had told me that Rohathro San was an angel named Sandalphon.

“He came to the original beings of this planet as a god and his children became deities in their own rights,” he had told me.

The book spoke of Sandalphon as a separate entity to Rohathro San. Sandalphon was just an angel. But Rohathro San was a god.

‘The daughters of the savage tribe leader, Ny Binexth, became the first queens of Aksan. The three demigods he created are in his own image and each represent the three best sides of his-self. His leadership, love, power.’

I had seen two of his sons in person, neither of whom exuded leadership, love, or power. But, the extremes, however- control, possessiveness, wraith… Those seemed to fit the kings much better. And, if this was the case, no matter who he really was, how could I possibly get away from Simon?

There was another section of the book about the relations made between the Nythiat and Saniat peoples. From reading between the lines, I assumed that Sandalphon seized control of the tribes of Aksan and took his ‘queens’ from them. It couldn't have been peaceful…

The gash on the back of my neck began to sting again, making me wince. I closed the book and sat up from my position on my stomach, kneeling on my bed. I tensed my back, curling my wings into my body, and balled my fists. It would pass soon.

Every now and then the wound would hurt again, but usually it didn't cause me any pain. I hadn't had any more hallucinations since the first day I was here, and I thanked God for that every day I was still there. If I thought about it enough, I could still remember the searing pain I felt.

I never wanted to feel that pain again.

It was a few moments before the aching passed. I took in several deep breaths, trying to calm down. I put a hand on the deep scars, tracing the outline. It stung to touch, but I could feel it was healing. I realized I had been grinding my teeth, so I relaxed my jaw and let my fists fall to the bed.

“Nehath,” Simon stated finally. “Nehath,” he repeated. “Why?” He put a rough hand on my shoulder, turning me back to him forcefully. I winced as the movement shot up through my neck. “Why did you do this? Who told you to do this?” He didn’t sound angry, but his accusatory tone struck a nerve.

“I didn’t do it!” I shouted.

Simon had not given me any books about the Nythen language, or Nythiat culture. His words stuck with me- they haunted me. I wanted to know more about this scar. I needed to know more about what was happening to me.

“It means… prophecy.” I narrowed my gaze at him, studying his reaction. The corners of his mouth seemed to twitch up into a smile. “It also has a sister symbol. A symbol that is deeply connected to it. Naheth,” he told me. “Star.”

I needed to know more about what was happening to me. And I knew that Simon could help me find out.

While I was reading that afternoon, I was suddenly interrupted- ahead of schedule. Simon’s men usually came in early in the morning for breakfast, in the middle of the day for lunch, and later in the evening for dinner. I didn't look up as he entered.

“You're early,” I told him. I kept my back to him, not taking my eyes from my book. “What's on the menu tonight?” The door closed, which was different than usual. They usually kept the door open, with one standing in the frame to make sure everything went smoothly. I furrowed my brows, shifting to look at the intruder.

Simon stood in front of the door, holding my make-shift bag in one hand and my sword in the other. I ground my teeth, hopping off the bed and rushing to him, reaching out to snatch my things from him. He let me take them without a word. He held a small smile. I gripped onto my cloak and my sword tightly, aiming the blade at his heart.

“Get out of my way,” I said lowly. He grinned widely at me.

“Even if you killed me right now, you couldn't leave.” He gently held the tip of the blade and pushed it to the side. “Honestly, why would I give you your weapon if you could have just killed me and left?” I let the sword fall, feeling my heart sink with it, but I did not let the menace leave my gaze. I turned around and went back to the bed.

“You didn't touch any of my stuff, did you?” I asked, throwing my sword onto the bed and looking through my things

“Of course not, my goddess.” I feigned a dry-heave. He didn't move from his spot by the door. I saw all my things were still in my back. My money, my dictionary, my matches…

I had to do a double-take with my dictionary. The paper with the Nythen words from Cal’s shop was gathered behind the dictionary. I had completely forgotten about it. I snapped around to Simo, holding tightly to the paper excitedly.

“You speak Nythen,” I said. He continued to smile, nodding.

“I do, thank you for noticing.”

“What does this say?” I asked forcefully, showing him the paper. He looked at it from afar. I watched his eyes scan the lines for a moment.

“You know my father had a mark like yours,” he said suddenly. I narrowed my eyes at him, opening my mouth to try to find the right words to say to that.

“Is that… is that what the words mean?” I asked rhetorically.

“His mark was not the same symbol, of course.” I let my arm fall to my side. I said nothing, but returned to the bed and shoved the paper back into the bag. I sat down and crossed my legs, picking up the book again.

“You're boring,” I told him with a sigh. I felt uneasy with him there, but I pretended to not notice him. I let my eyes follow the lines on the pages, but I couldn't concentrate enough to actually read the words. I just wanted him to leave. I felt my wings sway independently. They were restless.

“It was the symbol ‘Rohathro.’ All-seeing. But, you knew that, I imagine.” He took a few steps towards me. My stomach churned with anxiety. I just wanted him to leave. “Have you always had these wings, my goddess?” I swallowed to try to clear the nervousness from my throat. I looked up at him.

“What does it matter?” I asked, feeling the fear melt into my speech. His grin was unsettling.

“It's curious,” he said lightly.

“They’re a charm gone wrong,” I assured him. “I need to find an artificer to get rid of them. They aren't real.” When he frowned, I happily looked back down at my book, fighting a grin. “So I wouldn't get too comfortable with them,” I said pointedly. “Does Rohathro have a sister symbol, too?” I asked quickly, trying to take attention away from myself. Simon took a few more steps towards me, side stepping around to the front of the bed.

“Rethro. Brother.” I narrowed my gaze down.

“Interesting…” Sandalphon was the ‘co-brother to Metatron…’

“Were your parents Nythiats?” He asked distractedly, looking out through the window at the setting sun.

“No. Do you know why this symbol appeared? What does it mean? Why did it make you angry?” Simon snapped his gaze to me again, startling me.

“Why did you come to my city?” I breathed out hard, through my nose, growing tired of this game.

“I was trying to get to Beythas. I didn't want to come to your city. At least not now,” I added under my breath. “I know you know more. Just tell me.”

He didn't speak, but walked back to the door. He knocked twice and the door opened. He didn't leave. I saw the man on the other side of the door hand him something. The door closed again, and Simon turned back around. I widened my eyes. In his hands, he held a gold tiara.

“Oh no,” I muttered.

“I will tell you everything you want to know,” he told me, edging closer to me. I got onto my knees, dropping the book to fully face him. I inched backwards, my wings folding into my back. When Simon reached the bed he got down onto both of his knees, offering the crown up to me. I stared with wide eyes and gulped hard. My throats was dry and my heart beat wildly.

“What are you doing?” I asked with a wavering voice. “Get up.” He bowed his head.

“You came to me by my father’s will. You are my destiny.” He paused. “Marry me… my goddess.” I blinked furiously as my eyes dried up.

“Stand up,” I said again. He looked back up at me. I held my hands out in front of me almost defensively. “You don't know me. I don't know you. You don't know what you're doing. I'm not your wife. I'm not your destiny. I'm just trying to go home.”

There was a familiar excruciating pop in the very center of my brain making me gasp. I hyperventilated for a brief second, watching helplessly as Simon stood up quickly and rushed at me, and I began to fall forward.

’She’s my home,’ I thought helplessly. ‘Even in this prison. Even when we’re dead. She is still my home.’ Millennia after millennia, she drew me to her. I could feel her heart. I could feel her soul coming back to me. And she didn't even know it.

I had to break myself from my thoughts as Gage walked back into my room

“Where’s the vampire?” I asked Gage through the walls of my prison.

“He’s in the basement cell.” Gage was loyal. Like his father. His weak father.

“You’re not… feeding him, are you?” They were vile creatures.

“No, Xesand.” I nodded.

I just wanted to go home.

“Have you found her, yet?” He hesitated. A no.

“No, Xesand.”

“Are you ill or injured?” I asked sharply, nearly shouting.

“No, Xesand.” He was going to give me excuses. “I am alone now, Xesand. I can only do so much for you at once.” I felt a stab of anger, but quieted it. I thought for a moment. His brother was weak, too. I knew that. I should not have been surprised that he would end his own life. I needed another in his place.

“Bring me the vampire.”

I gasped in gulps of air. I thrashed wildly, trying to orient myself. It was pitch black, even when I thought I had opened my eyes. I started to sob as the pain in my skull throbbed. I closed my eyes and gripped my head tightly, trying to squeeze the pain away.

“You're back,” a voice said in the dark. “I knew you would be.” I sobbed and ignored the voice. It hurt so much. “Death means nothing to the gods.” It hurt so much.

I felt cool hands touch my upper arms. As the aching began to subside I stopped myself from crying and opened my eyes slowly. My bed, Simon, candles. I took in deep breaths. Some of Simon’s face was lit by the soft glow of candle light. His face was so close to mine. His hands trailed down my arms and settled on my own clammy hands. I darted my eyes down to our hands.

“How do you feel?” He whispered. I looked back up at his face. He was too close. But his touch was comforting.

“It hurts,” I said quietly, not sure what else to say. My throat was sore and I couldn't talk any louder.

“I can only imagine,” he said still whispering. “What did you see?” I shook my head, not wanting to explain.

“I don't know.” I felt calm. The longer he held me, the more comfortable I felt. I closed my eyes for a moment and let out a breath, enjoying the peace. When I opened my eyes, I was met with Simon’s lips on mine.

The sparks that I felt from the kiss were confusing. I felt something like joy. But, under that I felt anger. After I realized what was happening and was finally able to function again, I pushed him away.

“Stop.” I still could not speak very loudly. My throat ached and my head throbbed. He let go of my hands, and the feeling of comfort left me. My confusion continued to grow. I had so many emotions running through my mind. “You need to leave,” I ordered. I wasn't thinking very clearly. I couldn't remember what I had been doing. What I wanted. What I needed. I just needed to think.

Simon held my gaze, but stood up from the bed. His warmth left me alone on the bed. He bowed his head to me.

“Goodnight, my goddess.” He went to the door and knocked twice. The door opened for him and he left slowly, letting the man close the door behind him.

I stared at the door for what felt like forever before looking at the candles on the table next to me. Between the candles was a crown. The crown. I began to remember what had happened before I passed out.

I began to sob again. I cried and cried for hours, feeling lonely, hopeless, and confused.