My Ocean

We told Teddy that night at dinner. He got up from the table and stalked outside, letting the door slam behind him. It rattled the pictures on the wall. Evie and I exchanged a look and I sighed. I got up and went after him. The summer was fading quickly and the air carried a cool breeze that was almost too chilly. The setting sun bathed the backyard in a soft, golden glow. Teddy was kneeling in front of James’ grave. I knelt beside him and took his hand.

The flowers were beginning to die and the leaves were starting to change colors. But the grass was still green and the crickets were still out, making their nightly music for all of nature to enjoy. Soon the lightning bugs would come and dance around like glowing ballerinas.

“Someone hurt our baby,” he whispered. “Some piece of shit boy took advantage of our little girl.”

I squeezed his hand. The sunlight picked up the flecks of gold in his brown hair. And at his temples, I could see the first strands of gray. There was a faint stubble on his jaw. “I know.”

He squeezed back harder. I forced myself not to wince. “I want to kill him,” he said. His voice was low, deadly, and I was glad that the father’s identity was unknown. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he’d go after that boy. I raised my free hand and made Teddy look at me. His eyes were red and watery.

“Teddy, Evie is strong,” I told him. “She is a strong, smart girl and she’s going to get through this and we’re going to help her.” One of the tears spilled over. I wiped it away. That’s when I knew he was mad at himself. “This isn’t your fault.” He looked away. But I got up and stationed myself in front of him. “Look at me. Look at me!” He did. “This did not happen because of you. Just like James’ death had nothing to do with you. Don’t blame yourself.”

Teddy wrapped his arms around me and cried into my neck. I rubbed his back and murmured softly to him. Evie came out, too, and grabbed my hand and Teddy’s. I closed my eyes and thanked God. My family was going to be okay.

The baby’s father was Reed Adams. When Evie was five months pregnant, he approached her and asked if that was his baby. Since Evie hadn’t had sex with anyone else, she said yes and he went a little crazy. He told her to have an abortion, to fall down the stairs, anything, but to get rid of the reminder of the terrible thing he’d done. Apparently Reed had been drugged that night. He only had a vague recollection of sleeping with my daughter. And he’d been so scared afterwards that he didn’t talk to her.

She told him she was keeping the baby.

A few weeks passed and Reed showed up on our doorstep. He held a sad looking bouquet of yellow daffodils in his hand. He didn’t look at all like I expected him to. I pictured someone who was cocky and used to using his looks as a way to coerce others into doing what he wanted. But Reed was not like that at all. He was tall and skinny with large glasses that he had to push back up his nose every five seconds. The glasses made his green eyes very large. His rust colored curls stuck up on his head like he’d been electrocuted.

“Hi, Mrs. Maxwell,” Reed began. “I’m Reed. Adams. Reed Adams. That’s my name.” He fidgeted nervously. “Um. Is Evie here? Uh, Evie Maxwell?”

“I am aware of my daughter’s name,” I replied. “She’s in her room.” I stepped back and let Reed in. Teddy was at work. He wasn’t supposed to be back for a while and I figured that Reed would be moderately safe. Reed stood in the living room and awkwardly looked at the furniture. It didn’t match the pale yellow walls. The couch was red plaid and the recliner was the color of softly faded jeans. Both pieces were old and worn, sunken in where people usually sat. “You can sit down if you want.” So he sat down on the couch, his legs carefully placed so that they didn’t stick out into anyone’s path. He’d probably been tall a long time. “Evie!”

She came slowly down the hall, her belly sticking out like she’d shoved a large beach ball beneath her shirt. She stopped when she saw Reed. He got to his feet and held out the flowers. A few petals fell from the limp daffodils and landed on the floor.

“These are for you,” he said. Evie stepped forward and took the flowers.

“Thank you.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Reed ran his fingers through his curls and pushed his glasses back up his nose. “I want to… to apologize,” he said. “For… for everything.” He swallowed and looked at me then back at Evie. “And I want to say that me, sug—suggesting an abortion, that was—that was wrong. I want to be there for you.” His eyes widened. “And for the baby. If you’ll let me.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground. This made his glasses slide all the way down his nose. I was surprised they didn’t fall off and clatter to the floor.

I stood up and took the flowers from Evie. “I’ll put these in some water.” I hummed to myself while I filled up a vase. Evie and Reed needed some privacy. I was just about to put the flowers on the table when I heard a car door slam. I straightened up. Teddy wasn’t supposed to be back until later. I quickly set the vase down and hurried into the living room. The door opened just as I walked in. He shut it behind him.

Teddy wasn’t as tall as Reed but he was bigger. Reed was all lanky and skinny where Teddy was packed full of hard muscle from work. Evie had positioned herself beside Reed and slowly, Teddy understood who Reed was. I moved forward, ready to step in, when Teddy straightened up and said, “I hope you’re planning on stepping up and being a man.” Then he came up to me, kissed my cheek, and went outside.

Evie breathed a sigh of relief. She turned to Reed. “I don’t forgive you,” she told him. “I don’t know if I ever will.” He looked at the ground. “But this is your baby as much as it’s mine and I don’t want it to grow up without a father. So I’ll let you be involved.” Reed smiled at her. It was a small smile, a smile of thanks. It made Reed not look so terrified and nervous. Evie smiled back. He left soon after. I started dinner, Evie helped, and Teddy didn’t say a word about Reed during dinner.

My parents came to stay with us when Evie neared her due date. My mother fussed over everything and insisted on doing all the cooking and cleaning herself. “That baby is a-comin’ any day now and you’ll be no use to your daughter if you’re dead tired.” So Evie and I took to sitting on the couch and watching television while Dad and Teddy were busy in the back, adding on a nursery for the baby.

One day, a few days before Evie was due, we were sitting out on the front porch. It was hotter than hell and we were both sweating bullets. We had cool glasses of my mom’s homemade lemonade on the table beside us. We watched the cars drive by and counted how many times the neighbor boy cried because his mom was on the phone and didn’t pay any attention to him. It was a scorcher of a summer. Everything was so dry. Nothing was growing. The yards all down the street were coarse and yellowed. Skeeters buzzed around all day and all night. Everyone had grown used to the itchy red bumps that magically appeared overnight.

“How come Daddy and his parents haven’t made up yet?” Evie asked me.

I looked over at her. She knew that Teddy and his parents had a falling out but she was never told the details. That it was my fault he never saw his parents. I could tell that he missed them. We had a picture of them in our room and sometimes I’d wake up early and see Teddy sitting at the edge of the bed, looking at the photo. I’d close my eyes and go back to bed. That was one of the private moments Teddy needed to himself. He’d never say anything in front of me, not when I’d been picked over them. He wouldn’t want me to think he was regretting his decision. I knew he did, though. He loved me and he loved Evie but he hated that he’d had to cut his parents out of his life.

“I think your old enough to hear the story,” I said. So I told her. I told her how his parents tolerated me when they thought I was just a phase. But when Teddy said we were getting married, they said they’d cut him off from the money if he didn’t break things off with me. Teddy chose me and they hadn’t spoken since.

“Daddy chose you over money?” she said. I nodded. “Daddy was rich?”

I laughed. “Sure was,” I said. “Richer than anyone in this town.” We’d moved away from our hometown shortly after we got married. Teddy wanted to be farther away from his parents. We still lived in Kansas but we were a few hours away from where we grew up. Or, where I grew up. Teddy spent most of his childhood in London. “In fact, when I met him, I swore that Teddy was a foreigner. He had a British accent and everything.”

Evie stared at me. “Damn, Daddy musta been hot.” We laughed together and then Evie got quiet again. “What were their names?”

“Wilson David Maxwell the Third and Gwyneth Rose Maxwell,” I said. “Why?”

Evie placed a hand on her big belly. “Reed and I have talked names,” she said. Her and Reed have gotten closer. Teddy still doesn’t trust the boy and whenever Reed’s around, Teddy makes himself scarce. He barely talks to him. But Evie and him get along okay. Whenever they accidentally touch, Evie goes rigid for a second before relaxing again. But that’s happening less and less. I’m never far away when he’s there. “But we haven’t decided on one yet. But I really like Gwyneth and Wilson.” I smiled at her.