Liar

Kennedy sat on the couch beside Loki, probably the closest that she had ever been to him. There was half a foot separating them and at least half of the couch available for her to sit on. She didn’t sit there though. Instead, she sat near Loki with her arms wrapped around her legs and her knees drawn up to her chest.

Her mismatched eyes watched the newscaster talking about the private hangar that had burned down early this morning. Footage panned over the site but she only grasped the remote and changed the channel. Loki shifted in irritation and she waited for him to snap about something. When he didn’t, she shrugged and climbed off the couch.

Slipping into the kitchen, she opened the fridge and stared at the empty contents. She couldn’t remember the last time that she’d gone grocery shopping. She rarely went shopping for food; she bought what she needed and ate out the rest of the time. Closing the fridge, she opened the cabinet where she kept her alcohol and found it empty.

She let the door slam shut as she left the kitchen and went back to her bedroom. Kennedy tugged a pair of boots on over her leggings before exchanging her ratty t-shirt for a three sizes too big sweater and an oversized black cardigan. In the mirror of her sink, she stared at her bruised cheek while brushing her teeth. She was tempted to cover it up but decided that it wasn’t the effort.

Kennedy grabbed her bag and tossed her phones inside of it before walking out of the apartment. She needed to take Ghost on a walk but she couldn’t bring him inside a liquor store and she didn’t like tying him up outside of stores. She could take the Rottweiler on a loop around the block now and go buy liquor later or buy liquor and take Ghost for a walk later. If she went and bought liquor now, she wasn’t going anywhere soon after that.

Fumbling with her keys, Kennedy pushed her way back inside the apartment and snagged the Rottweiler’s leash from the hook by the door. He came without being called, brown eyes watching her as she clipped it to his choke chain.

Kennedy left again without saying a word to Loki for the second time. She should probably tell him where she was going in case SHIELD showed up but she didn’t care. She’d only care if she got close enough to Romanoff. At that point, she didn’t figure that she’d need a weapon, regardless of the Russian’s skill.

She slid her sunglasses on as she walked out of the building and onto the sidewalk. Ghost walked at her side, encouraging people to move out of her way just by being there. The Rottweiler was friendly but fairly large for his breed. He wasn’t particularly mean unless someone threatened her, which wasn’t quite often.

Kennedy ended up taking him around the block twice before taking him back to the apartment. She stayed there long enough to put her blue contacts in as a precaution and because she hated wearing sunglasses. Once that was done, she was back out the door without a word yet again.

The sound of one of her phone’s ringing reached her as she rode the elevator down. Reaching into her bag, Kennedy withdrew her personal phone. Rocko’s number was on the screen, waiting for her to accept. She hit the ‘answer’ button as she walked out of the elevator.

“Hey Rock,” she sighed as she left the apartment building.

“You sound like shit,” he replied, voice raspy.

“You don’t sound much better,” Kennedy returned, blue eyes scanning the sidewalk.

Rocko murmured something on the other end that she couldn’t make it out before continuing. “It’s been a long morning. You okay?”

“About as okay as a cow in a slaughterhouse.”

“That seems to be the general consensus,” Rocko muttered after letting out a bitter laugh. “The funeral’s tomorrow afternoon.”

“What about her grandmother? And Rose?” Kennedy asked while hurrying across a street.

“I don’t think she even realizes what’s going on, Kennedy. She’s old and she’s got dementia, she didn’t even know who I was talking about when I told her,” Rocko sighed. “Rose…Rose knows. She’s in her room. Kolby’s grandmother can’t take care of Rose and the kid’s only seven.”

Kennedy nodded to herself as she slipped inside the liquor store. Her blue eyes skimmed over the bottles as she tried to ignore the fact that this was all her fault. She had asked Kolby to get involved as a favor. She had never intended for things to go this badly. But it had.

She was the reason that Rose no longer had a mother. She ripped away Rose’s security blanket with a single question. This was all her fault and she had no one to blame but herself. If she had just kept this all to herself then none of this would have happened.

Kennedy glanced over her shoulder when she heard the bell over the door ding. From where she was standing she couldn’t see the door though. Her blue eyes turned back to the bottles of vodka on the shelf in front of her.

“The funeral starts at two, at the church she took Rose to for her christening,” Rocko said when she didn’t respond. “Do I need to come get you?”

“No…I’ll be there,” Kennedy sighed. “I’ll see you tomorrow or something.”

Ending the call, she dropped the phone into her bag and looked back at the vodka. After a few minutes more of staring at it, she finally gave in and grabbed two bottles. She snagged a bottle of Jack Daniels on her way to the cashier. Once she paid, with cash, Kennedy turned and left the liquor store.

Kennedy didn’t take her time in getting back to the apartment. She didn’t want to be out any longer than she had to. If she had had it her way, she would have stayed in her apartment until the funeral. Things didn’t seem to be going her way as of late though.

“Merry Christmas,” Kennedy muttered as she pulled the bottle of Jack out and set it on the coffee table.

“I think you have the wrong season or have all the knocks on your head taken their toll?” Loki asked, lifting his gaze from his book.

“You drank the last bottle, which means you like Jack Daniels more than you like my vodka,” Kennedy muttered and flopped back onto the couch beside him. “And it’s called sarcasm. I like the winter, it’s better than summer. Cold weather. Ice. Snow. The chill in your lungs when you run.”

“The winter is a lovely time of year…” Loki mused and took the whiskey as Kennedy opened the vodka. “Is this your version of a peace offering in lieu of failing to retrieve my staff?”

Once she got the bottle open, Kennedy took a long drink. Then she looked at Loki. “No. It’s to get you to shut up and forget that I couldn’t get the staff back.”

“And that’s for?” he asked, gesturing to the bottle in her hand though he knew full well what it was for.

“For me to forget that I fucked up,” Kennedy muttered and sucked down another mouthful.

“It’s not going to help, you know,” Loki said after her third swallow. Kennedy glanced at him and shrugged. “The pain will still be there in the morning and it’ll still be there the day after that and the day after that. It never goes away.”

“Well…that’s a pleasant outlook on life.”

“I bet that scar still hurts,” Loki shrugged as he took a drink from his whiskey. “Still burns, phantom pain. Your cheek hurts despite the fact that you took pills to ease it. Your ribs ache still.”

“That’s none of your business,” Kennedy snapped.

“It’s my business when you can’t do your job properly.”

“I am doing my job properly,” she growled, eyes narrowed. “SHIELD moved the staff. I can’t help that.”

“Or you knew that SHIELD moved my staff and still went ahead with your plan knowing that it would fail because you like your current circumstances.”

Kennedy turned to look at him as she gripped the vodka bottle in one hand. The liquid sloshed slightly as her grip shifted on it. She ignored it though as her contact-lensed eyes met the emerald-eyed gaze of Loki.

“Are you saying that I let my friend die so that I can keep fucking Captain America?” Kennedy asked, her fingers gripping the vodka bottle tightly.

“I would have proposed the question in far less cruder words but if that’s how you choose to say it.”

Loki returned her stare with a lifted eyebrow. She couldn’t staring back at him, jaw working until she lifted the bottle of the vodka to her lips. She tipped it back, spilling some of the clear liquid across her lips and into her mouth.

“I didn’t.”

“Well,” Loki said as she slumped back against the couch, “you aren’t completely and irreparably lost. Unless you want revenge, that is.”

Kennedy looked at him before glancing down at the vodka again. She wanted revenge.

“I’m just well on the way.”