Stay With Me

Alex P.O.V.

“It was my pleasure” I said as I cautiously moved my hand to hold hers. For the past ten minutes I had been debating on whether it would be a good idea for me to do it but when she thanked me I didn’t think she’d have a problem with it.

Her hands were so small in comparison to mine, they were soft and silky unlike my calloused hands. That’s the one thing I hated about playing guitar, It ruined your hands. I stared to idly trace shapes on her palm.

Jess said something but I didn’t listen, Her sleeve had fallen further down her arm to expose more of her wrist and I froze in complete shock.

Was that what I thought it was?

I had heard of people doing it but I had never actually seen the marks. It couldn’t be, Jess wouldn’t do that, she was too happy to do that to herself. People only did those things because they wanted to die, Jess didn’t want to die… did she?

My body stiffened at the thought of Jess doing that to herself. I think she realised as she turned around to see what had stopped me from playing with her hands so suddenly.

She looked at my face but I didn’t look back at her, my eyes were still fixated on her wrist. She followed my eyes to the same spot. She immediately grabbed her sleeve and pulled on it hard covering up the marks.

“I- uh -I - um- I have to go” She stuttered as she stood up from the spot next to me. I was still frozen in the same place, now starring at nothing but the sand.

Jess P.O.V.

Fuck. That was all I could think of. He had seen my deepest secret, the one thing I didn’t want anyone to know. How could I have been so stupid to just let him play with my hand?

I immediately covered the wounds and stood up telling him I had to leave. He didn’t move from his spot. I quickly started walking away. i didn’t want to answer the questions he was sure to have. Maybe he could just forget what he saw.

He must think I am some freak now. Everything with Alex was finally back to normal and now he’s going to hate me. I tried to but I couldn’t stop the tears that started to fall from my eyes. I felt so exposed.

Alex P.O.V.

What the fuck was I doing sitting here? That girl clearly needed me. I quickly jumped from my seat on the ground and chased after her. She had made a lot of ground on me in a short amount of time.

As I got closer I could hear her crying. I started to sprint. I ran in front of her and she crashed into me. I wrapped my arms around her once again as she cried into my arms for what felt like the millionth time that day.

“Shhh Jess It’s going to be okay. You just have to talk to me.” I said as I once again tried to calm her down. She violently shook her head.

“No.. I- I can’t t-talk” She stammered. I just pulled her closer to me, if it was even possible. I sat on the ground and pulled her into my lap, the same position we were in back at school.

After a few minutes she finally calmed down, I used my finger to gently lift her chin to look me in the eyes. She looked so broken.

Jess P.O.V.

I looked Alex in the eyes, He looked so worried and a little scared. I had fucking scared him! He starred at me for a few more moments until he asked a simple question that had a complicated answer.

“Why?” He said it in barley a whisper. I just shook my head I didn’t want to talk about it.

“Jess you know you can trust me. Whatever you say I won’t tell anyone. I’m worried about you, you need to tell me why. Why are you doing this?” He sounded so desperate, his eyes pleading with me. I knew I could trust him, I just didn’t want him to think of me differently.

“If I promise not to do it again will you not ask questions?” I asked my voice barely audible. He thought about it for a moment but then shook his head.

“No. I need to know so I can help you. Jess please let me help you.” He begged. I couldn’t handle the sadness and desperation in his eyes. I had to tell him otherwise he would never understand.

“It’s a long story.” I said attempting to change his mind.

“We have time” he assured me.

I took a deep breath. If I was going to tell him the story then I was going to do it with out crying and stuttering. It took me another minute before I started.

“Okay but you asked for it” I said my voice slightly louder and stronger than expected. “It all started back in Australia. I was in year nine, so like a freshman for you. When I was 15 life kinda started to fall apart for me. My parents constantly fought while my sister started to get into drugs. At the start I thought it was just a stage she was going through but it got more serious. I would rarely see her and if I did she was high. My grades started to drop because of it and on top of everything my best friend moved to another state. By the end of the year I was pretty much alone. My sister had been kicked out of the house and my parents had pretty much forgotten I existed.” Alex looked at me, shocked and his grip on me tightened.

“I guess I started doing this” I said gesturing to my wrist “Just before I turned 16. I blamed myself for everyone leaving. I guess I just wasn’t good enough for them to stay. It got to the point where I wanted to kill myself so I tried…” Alex’s breath caught in his throat.

“It didn’t work… I tried to overdose on pills but I just ended up passing out for a couple of hours. No one noticed. Another couple of months went past and nothing changed. I begged my parents to help my sister but they wouldn't” I took a breathe trying to put my thoughts together.

“Take your time” Alex whispered which somehow gave me the strength to continue. I knew he cared, and that I could trust him.

“A month before my 17 birthday my parents got a phone call telling them their daughter, my sister had died from a drug overdoes. I hadn’t spoken to her in over two month but that didn’t mean I didn’t care about her. I thought that would be the final nail in the coffin that was my family but it did the opposite. Somehow my sisters death brought us together. My parents remembered they had another child and they started to care again but it was too late.” I let a few tears escape my eyes at the thought of my sister. I missed her.

“After my birthday my parents announced that we would be moving to America. Dad had been offered a new job and they saw it as a fresh start. I decided that I would too, and I would stop doing this to myself. I realised that my parents couldn’t handle loosing another child. So before we moved I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again.” I said taking another deep breath. It was almost over, I was almost finished.

“I kept my promise when I moved here. I met Kara and you and everyone else. And for once in a long time I was happy, I was enjoying school and making close friends but then everything happened with you and Jack and I just hated myself for hurting Jack and fucking everything up and without thinking I turned to the one thing that I knew could fix the problem, it could take away the pain.” I whispered that last bit.

“Don't think that, If anything it causes the pain” He said wiping away the tears from my cheeks. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? If I knew I would have-“

“Would have what? stopped me? Nothing could have stopped me not even Kara.” I said not looking at him.

“No I could have helped you.” He said turing my face back towards his.

“I’m sorry” I said burying my head into his chest, crying for what felt like the thousandth time that day.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. Just promise me you won’t do it again?” He said pleading with me. I didn’t want to make a promise I wasn’t sure I could keep. I voiced this to Alex which made his face fall with sadness.

“Then promise me the next time you feel the need to do it, call me. You don’t have to go through this alone.” He said taking both my hands in his. His eyes desperate for me to agree.

“I promise. I promise to call you. And I promise I won’t do it again.” I said hugging him tightly.